Life — August 16, 1906 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

VACANT SEIS RS rete mun ‘THE HUSH Cheese is still quict. —Extract from @ recent newspaper report of the provision marke With what unqu: We scan the daily pe@®, and sce In memorable black and white “That cheese. which is inclined to be A“ rowdy" article of diet Is still (unnaturally) 4 Hushed is the Gargonzala’s voice, ‘That sometimes is so loud and clear, No longer do the tones of choice And fruity Stilton reach our ear. The C: According to the mbert no langer capers— aily papers. The riotous Limburger lies Upon the dish and holds its breath, While Roquefort wears a strange disguise Of sternly simulated death; In fact, the whole of cheese creation Shows symptoms of inanimation. How long will this quiescence last? How soon will the uncanny trance Which has afflicted cheese be past, And let the Gorgonzola dance ? For what is cheese that does not frolic Until dissuaded —with carbolic? London Tribune. TESTING A NEW DOG Supcrsantte (to visitor): Oh, how are you? Come right ia, Don't mind the dog Vistror: But won't he bite? That's just what 1 want to see, I only bought that watch. og this morning.”—Rire. Tue passing of Harvey's, the restaurant in Washingtoo famous for the fish, terrapin and panned oysters, recalled the following to a New York man who visits the capital only occa. sionally: "I was down there the other day,” he said, “‘and asked the Congressman from my district where to go to get something to eat that would taste good about midnight. ‘The only way to get such a meal as you have in mind in Washington,” be said, ‘is to get aboard cither a B. & O. of a Pennsylvania train, ride in a northeasterly direction for about five hours, crass the Hud: soo River and then go almost anywhere between Fourteenth and Fifty-ninth streets’"—Boston Budget “I say, old fellow,” said the friend, rummaging around the studi¢ you give me some rotten little painting of yours? Something you don't want. I'll have it framed, you know!"— Sporting Times. A SLOW ‘GOLFER AUSt. Andrews one of the most respected and popular mem: bers of the club had the misfortune to crush his keg early in life and walked with the aid of a wooden one. Being portly as well as lame, it was impossible for him to walk as fast as most people, but, being a good sportsman, and hating to keep people back, he made it a rule when he did play golf to start late. One day. however, two strangers, happening to start late, were kept back. Instead of making the best of it, they began to press the lame man. Back came his caddie. Captain J.'s compliments, and he knows he walks d—d slow, but he can walk a d—d sight slower."—Tatler. Te A THANKLESS HUSBAND Mrs. Henry Peck: wat? wish You HAD A Wire wito WAS A NELPMEET TO YOU? WELL, WHO TAvCHT You How TO SEW? 1 DID. WHO TALGHT YoU Now To MIND THE BABY? 1 DID. WHO TAUGHT YOU EVERYTHING You KNOW ABOUT DUSTING AND HOUSECLEANING AND WASHING DISHES? 1 DID. BAH! THE TROUBLE WITH YoU Is THAT You DON'T APPRECIATE A COOD WINK WHEN YOU HAVE ONE. AND THEY WONDERED Ata banquet held in with many beautiful paintings, a well-known college president was called upon to respond to a toast. In the course of his remarks, wishing to pay a compliment to the ladies present, and designating the paintings with one of his characteristic gestures, he said: “What nced is there of these painted beauties when we have so many with us at this table?"—Ladtes’ Home Journal com, the walls of which were adorned BED-ROCK PRICE ‘The proprietor of a Boston hotel says that a week of two apy a dusty, tired-looking person from Nashua. NH, pees, himself at the desk of the hotel. stating that he desired a room, ve et my supper an’ shall be off before breakiast." said gravely, to the clerk; “now what would be your lowest price 4 a room to skep in? “One dollar, if you eave at six o'clock to-morrow morting was the reply. * Well —er—wouldn’t half a dollar make it jest about rign? demanded the wayfaree, producing a battered filty cent pice You sce, I'm all exci n't expec slcep more'a half the time I'm in there."—Har per's Weekly ed up travelin’ an’ 1 A SERIOUS THREAT Stutts (who stammers): Miss d-d-Dimpke—d-d—Delle' I lublut-tul— I fub-luttove you! We-wu-will you bb—Wy wul you b-be mum-mum-mum—wu-will you b-be mum-ces, my wu-wu-wu—mum-mum-my wife? Dottie Distece (coyly): Ob, Mr. Stutts! II batdiy boo how to answer you! (Desperately) Ac-ac-ac sus-sus—acce pt my pup- pup propo’ of I'll sus-sus-sus—or I'l sus-sus-say it all over ageg py again!"—Woman's Home Companion WHICH WAS IT? ‘The governor was puzzled. “ Look here,” be said. turning » his private secretary. “Can you tell me whether this note cose from my tailor or my legal adviser? They're both aime Brown The note was as follows: “TL have begua your suit Ready to be tried on Thursday Come in.—Brown "—Toledo Blade DEEP Ascu: Did Crittick say something nice about yout bout! Rirer: I'm not sure, but I’m a little suspicious “How do you mean?” ““He said there were “some things in it that are decided original and some other things that are quite clever~ Buflato Commercial Iv Tite House of Commons no incident is greeted with eur hearty laughter than that of a member who. after an chqv oration. plumps down on his silk hat on the beach bebiod be A young member who had just made his maiden speech sat sua his new silk hat There were roarsof laughter. An Irish ex bee immediate y arose and gravely said: “ Mr Speaker, prac me to congratulate the honorable gentleman upon the bape circumstance that when he sat on his hat his head was sot is ‘This remark upset the dignity of the House, and the Speaia called, “Order, order!” amid roars of laughter. Argon “Our cashier wants a vacation this summer. * said the Fix president of the bank. “He d like to get away, be says fot abot three weeks * Good." rephed the president “That removes 2 weit from my mind 1 was beginning to be afraid his accounts sgt be in such shape that he woulda t dare to go away "—Ckxai? Record- Herald Live: is published every Thursda Postal Union, $1.04 a ye: from date of publicatis Live is for sale by ing. Chancery Lane, London, E. C.. England e Current copies, 10 cents. in advance. Postage to foreign countries in the Back numbers, after three months rs in Great Britain. The International News Company. Bream’s No contribution will be returned unless accompanied by stamped and addressed exvdin The illustrations in Live ere copyrighted, and are not to be reproduced Prompt notiscation should be sent by subscribers of any change o] address. Wison- Whe only whaskey, that Viaces a compete, quexarteed analysis on each kevery, battle Seedack label! Thats Al! THE BOUQUET AND EXQUISITE FLAVOR OF HUNTER RYE 1S DUE TO ITS HIGH CHARACTER AND THE REFINEMENT OF ACE - bbb ato CHICAGO AND LAKE SHORE LIMITED WEST The NEW YORK CENTRAL LINES enjo) in ev comicbooks.com