Life — July 26, 1906 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“LIFE: ==. OUR FOOLISH: (@NTEMPORA A HOLIDAY SUGGESTION “Tam convinced,” said the nervous man, "that we ought to rearrange our holidays.” “In what way?” » as to bring Thanksgiving Day on the Sth of July. Talways feel most devoutly grateful then to find all my family with me uninjured.”—Weashington Star. ‘ * exclaimed the representative of commercial his pure food law is all wrong." ‘What's the matter with it?” “Matter? Why, man, if we couldn't adulterate the poisons we use in our fancy goods for table use, they'd be fatal.” —Philadelphia Ledger. New Waverty Horr. ano Rarit Iuesteaten Booxtrr. Heatrn anv Rest; Hovse, Hor Sprtxcs, ARKANSAS. WRONG PARTY Mr. Maxinmeaxes (to chance acquaintance, whem he has mct af a swell party): If you have any influence with Mrs Upjohn, 1 wish you would suggest to her that she announce dinner. I'm frightfully hungry Cnancr Acquaintance: Me! I haven't any influence with Mrs. Upjohn. I'm Mr. Upjohn.—Tit- Bits Stow train, local time. Dispute between passenger and guard. AnD: Well, sit, I've been on this train, boy and man, for thirty-five year Brrtee Passencer: G you get in at?—Smiles. LEGAL REPARTEE. Lawyer: I say, doctor, why are you always running us law yers down? Doctor does it? Why, no; you certainly have the advantage of us there, doctor."—IMustrated Bits. Hotel Vendome, Boston ‘The ideal hotel of America for permanent and transient guests. xd heavens, man, what station did yy): Well, your profession doesn’t make angels of “Waitara lovely collection of odd cups!” exclaimed a guest, peering into the china cabinet. “Did it take you long to get so many?” “Oh, no," said the hostess, sets we have had in the last two years! hose are samples of the Detroit Free Press NOT WELL FIXED “He isn't at all well fixed, is he?” “Don't you believe it! You haven't seen him lately, have you?” o, but I know he doesn't make any more money now thag, when I saw him last year, and it was as much as he could do then ve within his income “Ab! But he's living beyond it now."—Philadel phia Press. MOST IMPORTANT * What is the most important thing about handling a sailboat?” The old salt looked the novice over thoughtfully and then replied, “ Knowing how to swim."—Washington Star. ‘Tux Soumu ror Hosritatity: The Manor, Asheville, North Carolina, is the best inn South.—Bootlct, POUNDS AND QUIRES “Judging from Miss Thumperton’s treatment of the organ,” sarcastically remarked the choirmaster, who objected to the new organist engaged by the rector, “you prefer to buy your music by the pound “Well,” replied the rector, quietly. “it isn’t always supplied by the choir."—The Catholic Standard and Times THE DISCRIMINATING BIRD “Polly want a cracker?” The bird cocked his head meditatively. “If you refer to one of those villainous detonatioas wrapped in red paper and associated inevitably with a wantoa youth," he replied, “I am forced to answer your courteous inquiry with a decided negative.” —Philadel phia Ledger. “Oto Satsm Puncn. Delicious—Try it. S. S. Pierce Co., Boston, Mass. On any sideboard, an “THE BES Garric Rye Aljred E, Norris & Co. Whiskey indication of good taste T IN THE HOUSE” k Club ., Proprietors, Philadel phia Scientists say there was a great upheaval of the masses of rock earth: gigantic were thrown to the sky and again struck the earth with such force that they sank far into th round, leay- ing their points hundreds of feet in *' > Union Pacific is the best line to this land, and the rates are_exception- ally low this summer. Write for detail —all_ about iled information COLORADO and its advantages for your vacation trips. E. L. LOMAX,G. P. A, Omaha, Neb. on ARTESIAN LITHIA SPRING WATER : Nature’s Aperient Bottled as it flows from the earth with its own natural gas itis truly a gift from nature. ARTESIAN LITHIA SPRING CO. UNEXCELLED in cases of constipation, rheumatism, gout, and all diseases of the kidneys, liver and stomach BALLSTON SPA, SARATOGA CO.,N. Y. comicbooks.com