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Life, 1906-07-05 · page 16 of 40

Life — July 5, 1906 — page 16: what you’re looking at

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Life — July 5, 1906 — page 16: Life, 1906-07-05

What you’re looking at

This page contains three distinct satirical pieces from Life magazine: **"Patriotic Blood"** (poem with illustration): A mock-heroic genealogy tracing a boy's ancestry through American wars—from the Revolutionary War through the Civil War to the Spanish-American War (Cuba). The joke: each ancestor lost increasingly trivial body parts (toes, thumb, collar button, teeth, ear), with the current generation having contributed nothing but injuries. The satire mocks both hollow patriotic boasting and the absurdity of glorifying military sacrifice. **"Where Wealth Accumulates"**: Criticizes colleges accepting donations from trusts/wealthy donors, arguing this compromises their independence and teaches students to revere wealth as sacred—paralleling feudalism. The illustration shows a pig labeled with money-worship. **"Discriminating"**: A brief anecdote satirizing wealthy hosts' pretension: a girl at a fancy party prefers tap water to expensive "charged water," asking for "water that you've paid for"—exposing the hollowness of status-conscious hospitality. All three pieces critique American society's unexamined reverence for militarism, wealth, and social pretension.

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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Patriotic Blood -great-grandfather crossed. the Delawa' with And in his country's service lost two toes at Valley Forge, Where the frost king, k all that dreadful winter through, Very nearly did for Freedom what the British failed to do. ranidpa nobly put his private cares away And, hurrahing for his country, went with Jackson to the fray son-coated warrior he despatched to kingdom come New Orleans, where he bravely lost a thumb. His great-great Many a cri On that great day His great-granddad was eager, when his country called, to go, And, with “ Rough and Ready” Taylor, he did things in Mexico; After humbling Buena Vista he assailed Chapultepec, Where he-lost his collar button and a section of his neck When the guns roared at Fort Sumter his grandfather tarried not, But went forth to save the country, bravely facing shell and shot; He did wonders at Antictam, fighting under “Little Mac,” And at Bull Run he was foremost till he fell and sprained his back. His father was no laggard when px For the precious boon of freedom that so long had been denied; Like a knight he marched with Shafter, and was nearly put to rest By an army mule that kicked him in the stomach at Key West. bleeding Cuba cried And our hero, the descendant of the warri ‘Though a child, has nobly given Cheer him, cheer him for the service that he nobly docs the State, listed here, up three teeth and half an car; lay we celebrate. S. E. Kiser He may yet get blown to pices on the HANCELLOR DAY'S eager avowal of his readiness to accept money from any old trust, in any old sum, seems to make it more painfully plain than ever that we have seen the sturdy little college which was poor ¥ because it chose to be poor, be Zit found poverty a source of power for its work, So accustomed have we become to having money to do with, that we have fallen into the belief that nothing can be done without money. Colleges which, like Syracuse, are not as yet rolling in wealth account them- selves by that token weak, and vote it heresy, a wandering after strange gods, to suggest that in order to be great a school should first of all be free, and that it cannot be free as long as t is on its knees at the feet of Mammon. But can anybody doubt that the effect of the munificent donations which we have seen has been to obligate universities to teach their youth to look upon the privileges of wealth as sacred, as being vitally implicated with the fabric of societ: And will anybody, disinterestedly, regard that as proper doctrine no ny more than it was proper doctrine when the privileges of wealth constituted the feudal system? | Where Wealth Accumulates Wwe you accept an invitation to a country house for a week’s vacation, in your preparations remember to carry with you, with your other necessary belong’ngs, a full assortment of your host's prejudices. -LIFE: Discriminating THOUGHTFUL hostess and decided it would be healthier to serve only mineral waters. One little girl tasted of her carbonic and laid the glass down. “What's the matter, dear? Don’t you like charged water?” “No, ma’am, Please may I have some water that you've paid for.” ICHEST MAN IN THE WORLD (on the links): Golf has made me twenty years younger. Tue Cappre (aside): What won't he be worth when he reaches the age he is now! The Simple Life harge is extremely small, only $100 a month, laundry work not HE I included." —An Advertisement For what, do you imagine? For keeping one young girl in a camp, where the vaunted purpose is to bring her near to nature and nature's God. But nothing is to be thought preposterous in a generation which looks upon a child with a maid and a footman as more fortunate than a child without sufficient food and clothing.