Life — June 28, 1906 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE ANSWER Why did th Egyptian kings pyramids and other things? Why did they proudly carve of paint Aa obelisk with figures quaint? Why did so monarch raise A circus cod old days, Or keep a poet under hire To sound a complimenting lyre? Why did old Cassar late at night Sit up describing every fight, Or Alexander make that bluff And say “the world’s not big enough?’ To us who view the mod game And sce how wealth is wrung from fame, The answer need not cause surprise It always pays (o advertise. —Washington Si THE LOST FAMILY A great crowd had gathered to witness the closing It was ten o'clock at night when they fin y started for home. Then suddenly some one je Paul Chilt only four and a half years old xercises of the village sche hed and everybe houted aloud, “Lit is lost!” Now, Paul was ¢ minister hurricd alone down the path to the spring. little one might have taken that familiar walk. Ah ny figure g with brave little steps up hoping th cried the minister, running toward him, ” how did you come to be lost?” “T don't fink I's of relief in $ voice as the big man gat ‘Then he went on in a tired little tone, " But the rest of the family must be losted, for I can’t find "em anywhere." —Utica Observer SAVING THE SINNERS Down in old Virginia the master went t being held on his plantat from a neigh boring ‘The preacher described hell as a gloomy cavern filled with icebergs, frozen without a f sunshine corker vival service on by a colored exhorter county snowbanks, ete a breath of warmth the mourners’ bench was crowded wit ray His discourse was a sinners. d to the 1 about hell When the services were concluded the master whispe ¢: “What kind of a yarn were you spinni being a refrigerator? Don't you know it’s just the opposite? Why ast a quadrillion degrees above zero!” key replied: That's all right, boss. Ah Ise er converter, Ah am. Ab fold, Ab tol’ ’em hell wuz hot ebery doggone nigger on de place would want to go dar; but tell 'em it’s er freeze-out en dey joins de Lord’s army." —New York Press. the temperature is at ‘The okt d MODERN METHODS We have some fine sausage,” ventured the waiter. Keep it "How about a taste of ham?” “Cut it out ‘orned beef, potted chicken, canned tongue?" “Thunder and Mars! You must take me for an investigating I came here to get something to eat. Bring me a committee glass ot distilled water and a fumigated banana.” Philadelphia Ledger A TESTIMONIAL AN ECCENTRIC OLD MAN OF DUNDEE WROTE AS FOLLOWS: “DEAR SI8—AS YOU SEE AFTER LIVING ON CHIVES TWAS TROUBLED WITH Haves BUT HOT SCOTCH KNOCKED THE SPOTS OCT OF ME.” TO BE UP-TO-DATE .” said Dubley, sentimentally, “this is a lock of Mabel Although she rejected me T still treasure it.” rked Newitt. “Say, you haven't seen Mabel “Well, you'd better have that Jock bleached Press Philadelphia As swat Tommy was about to climb into his chair at the dinner table his me said Are your hands clean, dear?" answered Tommy. “If you don't believe at the towel." —Chicago Daily News ‘Course they are LOST OPPORTUNITY “Yes, that girl that was a-visitin’ th good looker.” says young Meddergrass. “You got right well acquainted with her, didn't you?” ake young Corntossel. “Well, I ain't one to brag. I ain't a Doa Jewa like that, but I surely had a stand in with that girl home from singin’ school first week s hepe com pany with her every Sunday night regular after that. Haday been goin’ with her more’n a month afore she let me squuceze ter hand, an’ just about a week afore she went away I hugged ber 1 sure did—when I was tellin’ her good night.” Young Corntossel looks at him admiringly. Meddergng continues: I really believe ber!"—Bufialo Perkinses surely way 1 took hee 1e was here I'd 'a" had another week I could ‘a’ kised ening News HOW COULD HE? Mas. Joxesox (3 a.at.)—How dare you come home at } o'clock in the morning ? Mr. Joxeson (loeded)—You— to stay out all night—hic!—on a d centsh.—Detroit News can't expect me—bic 1 and—hic!—sevemty fre NAUTICAL NOTE Mes. Yacur (superciliowsly)—My husband has a beaut yacht. I don't suppose your husband can afford such a luxary Nacttt—No, the best he can do is to hold the mortgag ‘one your husband has.—The Bohemian. MODEL REPORT season W.H. Harrison, of Pittsford, Vt. sent his man “Hi” to find out how the sap buck filling. “Hi" investigated and then submitted this repeet ome is full, some half full and some runnin’ over, but average about full."”"—Burlington News During the sugari had bees WARNING “See here!" said the theatrical manager, "you want to quit your overbearing behavior tow: other members of thi company” “Indeed ?” replied the thespian, haughtily, “I'm the star, am T not?” “Well, yes, but you want to remember that you're not a fixed star."—Philade phia Press AS TO FRIEND. * Friends," said Uncle Eben, “is a good deal like mushrooms It’s often hard to tell de difference between de good ones an’ de bad ones until it’s everlastin'ly too late."—Washingtow Star Teacner order? Patrick, can you name the Presidents in their Pataick—Sure, mim, an’ I'm sorry to say that I can't You are a very dull scholar, Patrick. When I was your agt I could name them without an error.” “But that was such a long time ago, mim, that you hada't more than half a dozen to learn.” And teacher tapped the bell to excuse the class.—Mevicse Herald. Lire. is published every Thursday. $5.00 a year in advance Postal Union, $1.04 a year extra. Single current copies, 10 cents. from date of ‘publication, 25 cents Lire is for sale by all Newsd Building. Chancery Lane, Lon¢ rs in Great Britain. E.C., England, Acenrs. Postage to foreign countries in the ‘The International News Company, Dream's Back numbers, after three mon No contribution will be returned wnless eccompanied by stamped and addressed envelope The ilustrations in Lire. are copyrighted, and are not to be reproduced. Prompt notification should be sent by 4: bscribers of any change of address. Wison- Whe only whaskey, thot Paces o complete, quaxarleed analysis on each kerery, bettle- See back label! At your club or dealer's SURBRUG-Importer Thets Al! 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