Life — May 31, 1906 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

NOT THIS OFFICE A New York man was talking about Opie Read, the brilliant author and jou * Read, you know," he said He edited that excellent a great success of it “They say that in the spring of 1885 a reporter of the Traveler died. He was a A visitor to the office the day after the fune king about “founded the Arkansaw Traveler aper for ten years or more. He made id toss, friends." the visitor said. ‘A sad *And 1 t you commemorate the loss, indeed." hed any am pleased to sce melanch looked about the room he went on, “th y event by hanx “Opie Read frowned “*Crape?? he said. ‘Where d *Over there," said the visitor, pointing. *Crape be durned,” said Read. ‘That isn’t crape office towel.'"—Pittsburg Goxette up crape you see any crape.* It’s the WHERE INSANITY BEGINS “The recent ests from ators of Party against tariff Irish wo the Reput vision remind me of the story of nan who t ther dying husb sentative Champ Clark, of Missouri, said ing to her husband making his last will a covetous old soul, was in the room listen: {tes the lawyer said. ment Now, tell me exactly what is owing yc “Timothy Brown owes me $300," answered the old man. $75 and" “Good, good,’ interrupted the prospective widow, * Rational to the last "Luke Brown owes me $80." continued the * Rational, rational!" “To Mike ty Lowe $375’— *Casey owes m Iman again interrupted the old woman. him rave, hear him rave!" NOT FOR HER A story is told of a young wife who knew little of housekeeping. She was, in consequence of that inexperience. disposed to stand a bitin awe of the nd the €a k-maker. for she ware of the extent of her ignorance utcher, the bake ides sure they in houschold matters absolutely sure of st be She ordered and she made ber interviews with th Iy such things as she was rades. men as brief as possible One morning there came to her house a collector of ashes. “Ashes! a she heard him call in stent the ery was and 3 more perplexed as to wh to the gate in guttural question from the man. ‘The young wife hesitated for a moment. Di to a dignified attitude, she replied coldly "Harper's Weekly ian tones. As ain, she became more and sh-ces" meant. Finally, she went the re ned it. “Ash-ces?” came ia wing herself up 0. 1 don't think T care for any to-day Lire is published every Thursday Postal Union, $1.04 a year extra from date of publication, 25 cents Lire. is for sale by all Newsdealers in, € Buil Chancery Lane, London, E. C $5.00 a year in advance Single curre . AGENTS: Postage to foreign countries in the copies, 10 cents. Back numbers, after t Phe International News Company, Bream's HOW THEY SING IT IN BOSTON one labors except our distinguished proges He teposes in a through the day His pedal extremities idl recumbent position within our residence upon the bronze of the steam radiat Serenely engaged in extracting nebulous atmosphere from 3 tobacco receptacle of mundane matter. Our maternal mentor receives soiled linen for the purpose of cleansing it, And in this connection I s! Indeed, everybody is I include filial Ann waged in some variety of occupation in ‘our domestic habitat— Jy suggested, our distinguished progenitor. —Springheld Republican. A COWBOY WITH NOTHE JUST FOR PRACTICE TRIED ROPING IT WAS EXCELLENT SPORT; BUT SIOUXN AFTER, IN COURT, ME WAS SIOUX'D FOR LASSIOUNING A SIOUX. 10 DIOUX, * POOR LIOUX.” A FAMILY AFFAIR “Once upon a time there lived a good man of New York who was soliciting contributions for the erection of an orphan “He liberal contributions, which were entered in said the story teller, had been to many rich book be had for that purpose. Among these many names there * Mrs. Russell Sage. $25." The good man went to Mr. Sage’s office, and showing him the contribution entered in the book by Mrs. Sage, asked if he would not give a like sum. And what do you supp appearc Well, I suppose he at least doubled it.” remarked a listener. “Doubled it! Not Russell exclaimed the teller of the story. “Why, he simply took his pen and wrote, ‘Mr. and’ before his wife's name and handed th Horper’s Weekly ¢ months A PREDICAMENT James E. Hurley, general manager ct tbe Atchison, Toes says that this is the bert story he ever beard oa 4 and Santa railroad man: A man in a country town went crazy on hypnotism. He imag, ined he was the greatest hypootist on earth. He was a powerful fellow and the officers knew that he would put up a hard fght He knew they were taking him toan asylum. So they evolved a ne. They told him that there were some people in the asylum who would unravel a thrilling story if they were bypag tized, and wanted him to do the job. He consented. Tee officers boarded the train with him, bound for the ssslus, When the conductor came along the crazy man tegan telling his own hypnotic powers. The conductor didn’t believe him “Tl just hypnotize you to prove it,” said the man, * Fire away,” said the conductor The man made several passes with his hands in front of the conductor's face and said: " You are hypnotized.” In order to pacify the man the conductor said he was © You are a railroad conductor,” went on the bypnotist “ Right again,” said the conductor “You don't smoke, chew, drink or swear at passengers “Nope “You are honest, tu from passengers. In “That's right," said “What a fix you would be in if I Jeft you in this conditi drawled the hypnotist Exchange. in all tickets and money y ct, you do not steal a cent.”” 1 conductor. WORTHY OF HIS FEE The late Speaker of the National House of Representatives, David B. Henderson, spent most of his life on the battlefield ant in Congress, but a po DES to practise law. His early sional experiences were not materially ¢ from those of most young lawyers. Finally be was retained in an estate case which involved large ‘The future Speaker was mighty hard up, and he was inking of asking the heirs to pay his bill, which be had never rendered jon of it was devoted to a will iereae interests. serious! He was meditating whether to charge then $200 or $300, when one of the heirs, representing thes all stepped briskly into his office and. taking out a roll of $soo bak said: “Mr. Henderson, 1 want to pay your bill, menced laying down these $soo bills until he had $2,500 before the astonished young lawyer. Looking up at Mr. Hendersoa the heir said: “Is that enough?" And the lawyer, with that sel sequently made him famous, calmly sid and we will call it square.”—Harpers md coe posession which su “Peel off anotber on Weetly STAGE FRIGHT Very few persons acquit themselves nobly in their Ata wedding feast recently, says a writer in the Philadelphia Public Ledger, the bride m was called upon, as usval, to respond to the given toast, in spite of the fact that he had pee viously pleaded to be excused. Blushing to the roots of his hair, he rose to his fect. He intended to imply that he was unprepared for speechmakirg. but he unfortunately placed bis band upon the bride’s shoubet st speed, and looking down at her as he stammered out his opening ant pg words: his—er—thing has been forced upon me.” No contribution sill be returned unless accompanied by stamped and addressed exvdlepe The illustrations in Lar: are copyrighted, and are not to be reproduced. Woe onthy whiskey, that places a complete, quararkeed analysis on each every, bottle. Seedack label! 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