Life — May 17, 1906 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

OH, NO! Mr Michael Dempsey says that he was once in as Southern town during a very hotly contested election. and that the press of $s were agitated over the alleged intimidation of the negro voters One evening at the hotel he asked a citizen, who seemed to be communicative late the negroes?" u tell me wheh you abso’bed 4 the citizen elections held in this town. suh, theh is no intimidation niggah We have uh vigilance committee, of cou'se, and election day it does its duty ‘The say, ah down this In that case a membe of the committee would sit in that we over theh with his rile, and wheh we are seated would Mani theh, likewise w » vote, suh he may vote but theh einnati Commercial Tr —Cin WHAT DID THE COOK SAY? One of the legislators entered an Albany restaurant last evening and ordered a porterhouse steak, When the portion arrived it did not quite appeal to him as being sufficiently cooked. He called the waiter “Would you kindly take thi & to the cook and tell him to. Sure," replied he of the white coat. This is how the polit request was handed to the c¢ “Say. Bil that fat He want Hite pots guy backed away from this piece of horse ore fire on it, or it’s all up with you and your © 08 or you'll have him butting in here y Journal Aw tscipest that happened telling harmless began with natians on the strolled slowly along, discus were touched upon at last fter exchanging family s« Locking arms, various topics. Pk ments, t ge asked the Major Mrs. —. your aunt? She must be rather tudes for several n “And dear, feeble now. Tell me, how is she?” “Buried ber yesterday.” said the M d her? Dear me, dear me! Is the good old lady an eloquent man, but he ex celled in brief hy sa Toa * My dear boy, you nephew who wanted an Sfiice he said not clever ens ate position, and all the higher offices are filled suboed Argonaut, always expects to be Tur. pessimist is a paradox. Me disappointed, so he isn't.—Saturday Evening Post Lire is published every Thursday. $5.00 a year in J Union, $1.04 a year extra, Single current copies, NO PROCRASTINATION “Ethel.” he whispered, “will you marry me?" “I don't know. Charles,” she replied coyly. “Well, when you find out.” he said, rising. “send me word, will you? I shall be at Mabel Hicks'’s until 10 o'clock If 1 don’t hear from you by 10, I'm going to ask her."—London Tut-Bits Mante seemed likely to be destroyed not long since by t Corrtur's domestic quiet at Stratford on-Avon opening of a girls’ school in the house immediately adjoining her own. ‘The famous novelist found that the recitations of the pupils greatly interrupted her literary work. She stood it, however, as long as she could, but finally wrote a letter of protest to the peopr The reply she received fram the elderly s¢ and ran as follows “Draw Miss Cortis: Judging from the literary work of yours which it has been my privilege to see, I should say t would be just as well if you were interrupted even more fre quently "—New York Times “ MraseRRs, Nor MEN" MADAM PRESIDENT! ‘The large, red-faced woman who was acting as chairman, being in some doubt as to what the sixteen ladies who had been talking in chorus for ten minutes were in favor of, rapped sharply upon the table and asked: “What is the sense of this meeting?” “There ain't any,” said a little man who had slipy Then, the door being open, he fled with a ac howl of triumph.—Chicago Record-Herald hall unobserved. Mitestoxe: Mike: What sort of insect would you like ter be if you ‘ad the chance. Sammie Somvotent Sam: Why, 0 etch of them rare ‘uns wot they keeps tage to foreign countries in t No contribution Hack numbers, after three month . The illustrations in L yaal News Company, Bream's ¥ are copyrighted, and are Prompt notification should be sent by subscribers of “ THE MUCK RAKERS” “What are the bugles blowing for?" said Lawson on-Parade “To turn us out. to turn us out." D. Graham Phillips said “What makes you look so white. so white?" said Lawsoa-on Parade “I'm dreadin® what I've got to hear." J. Lincoln Steffens sai They're exposin’ the exposers; it would make your hair t gray To reflect on what will come when they expose each ¢< pos When they find a newer frenzy of a treason every day — They're exposin’ the exposers in the mornin’. * What makes Charles Russell breathe so ‘ard?" asked L: on-Parade It's bitter cold. it’s bitter cold.” U_ Jungle "What makes Miss Tarbell look so faint Parade. 4 touch of sun. a touch of sun,” S. Hopkins Adams sai n inclai¢ said " said Lawsonoa. ey're expasin’ the exposers, they are callin’ of ‘em down, ‘They are huntin’ of 'em hotly from New York to Packin'to. They will chuck ‘em in a lake o° ink an’ ket ‘em swim of drown— ‘They're exposin’ the exposers in the mornin’ * said Lawson-on-Par Rex Beach rose up and “1 started all this bloomin’ row “Tthink Miss Tarbell saw it first “What's all th, noise that shakes the ground?" said Luwsoa “It's Teddy Roosevelt's muck rake speech,” a pale reformer said They're exposin’ the exposes, there is trouble in the There are Folks and Hadleys coming from concealment where And they'll time to spare— Il write stu‘, and talk, too, when they've g ‘They're exposin’ the exposers in the mornin’, W. D. Nesarrt, in New DIRECTIONS Ina certain school district one of the trustees was a crick the subject and when he visited a school with the ex ing inspectors he always confined his re addressed to the pupils as to what they would do in « Building caught fire. Knowing this little peculiarity. th had coached his pupils as to the answer which they shou When the visitor called, however, he boys and girls h. s that I wonder what you would do if I were to He speech?” ‘To the consternation of the master, a hundred voices shu rks to a quest simply said to the listened so attentively to you in unison: “Form a line and march down-stairs."—Exchang: “Wis only ch The youngster wou! “Oh, that’s all right, was all 1 wanted. ed my daughter, sit?” he cried: “why, she's -Exchange GENTLEMAN (getting into the carriage): T come out to-day under any circumstances. nearest dentist—but go slow! —Fliegende Blatter Drive me to 1 be returned witless accompanied by stamped and addressed evs of to be reproduced hange of address. We ony whrskey, thet paces a complete, quararkeed analysis on each kerery, battle- Seeback label! 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