Life — April 19, 1906 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

vr ‘cl GOT HER AXES GROUND It was said of Miss Pettee that she “got more out of hee boarders” than any other woman in Brookby. Miss Pettee had frequently explained her system to less successful friends, but with no great results in their favor. “T set ‘em to work,” she said to one despondent neighbor at the beginning of the summer, “and it's a great deal better for "em than sitting 'round doing nothing all day. Of course, I fatter ‘em up some, but that’s easy. “When I wanted Mr. Loomis to lay out the croquet ground I dida't ask him to, right out. I just said that ‘if only Abe Hanson had half as wonderful an eye for secing a straight line as Mr Loomis I should be grateful indeed, but then one couldn't expect that in a country man that hadn't Loomis would be willing to just kind of oversee Abe and criticize!” ‘Well, it wasn’t fifteen minutes before Mr. Loomis was doing it all, and I withdrew Abe to the strawberry patch without a mite of trouble. You've got to study up your boarders’ gifts, and use 'e ‘The way I got Miss Ranlett to go regular for the mail was by taking her Compton brought + saw down in the village. I wanted Miss Compton to help with -d-making at morning mail-time. I tell her I never saw her oth and squaring off corners.” T don’t see what I could make that piano teacher that's coming to me do,’ biously “ Mercy sakes alive!" cried Miss Pettee. “Why, the mint I heard you were going to have her I said to myself that you wouldn't need to shell a pea nor a bean yourself this summer, —Vouth's any chances, and if Mr. one side and telling her how tame the news Miss beside her way of telling things she d the neighbor anyway, nimble-fingered as that woman must be Companion. BUMPED.INTO.THE-BUREAU KIND Justice Harlan, of the Supreme Court, despite his ten, service on the bench, Il preserves that clasticity of spirit and love of a joke that have distinguished him all through his career. On circuit last year the justice created considerable merriment in a Western Court. A learned counsel was arguing the question as to what circumstances constituted an “ offering instances of what he considered would properly come within that term and what would not, on the other hand. "Sup- pose, your Honor,” said be, "some one were to hit me in the eye, making it black in consequence. ‘The fact of its becoming black could not be called an accident.” “Perhaps not,” suggested Harlan, with a chuckle, “but you would doubtless explain it on that ground.”—Harper’s Weekly. cident,” and was Lure. is published every Thursday. $5.00 a year in advance. Postal Union, $1.04 a year extra. Single current copies, 10 cent from date of ‘publication, 25 cents Lire is for sale by all Newsdealers in Great Britain. ‘The Internat Building, Chancery Lane, London, E. C., England, Acests. Wison- ‘Ware only whiskey, thet places a compete, quavarkeed analysis on each werery batle- Seeback label! Between New York and Chicago in 23 1-2 hours 66 Via New York Central—Lake Shore Route, . . . Postage to foreign countries in the . Back numbers, after three months yaal News Company, Bream’s Thats Al! ORS AT Willy HIS REPLY When Rev. Dr. Smith, peesident of Trinity College, a warm personal friend, was hesitating as to accepting a call toa Western bishopric, Mr. Clemens wrote him a letter of dissuasion, closing by suggesting a form of letter to send to the diocese which he would guarantce would prevent his being troubled with future calls of the same nature. ‘This formula was: “* Dear brethren of the Diocese of Thave received your call to be your bishop. In reply, will say that I would see youd —d first."—Hearper's Weekly WITH THAT THIN ASIX-SHOOTER. I'M GOING TO KILL. TOM THE HOUSE CAT.” HOOTER WILL NEVER DO; YOU'VE GOT TO GET A NINE-SHOOTER, AT LEAST.” A bright ten-year-old girl, whose father is addicted toamateur photography, attended a trial at court the other day for the first time. This was her account of the judge's charge: “The judge made a long speech to the jury of twelve men and then sent them off into a littke dark room to develop.""—Harper's Weekly. ON THE EVIDENCE Murray F. Tuley, who died on Christmas, after tmenty-Gve years of continuous service as judge of the Circuit Court ig Chicago, was noted for the strict impartiality with which he rea- dered decisions, even when his personal bias was strongly the other way. On one occasion, having heard a certain famous suit, ke found himself impelled to hand down a decision repugnant to his ora inclination. “Do you mean you think the defendant was not st heart 4 swindler?” demanded an intimate friend, who dared complsia of the findng. “Billy,” said Judge Tuley, solemaly, “I took that evidence ta Arkansas with me and studied it two weeks. Then I brought it home and spent ten days more on it. Then I said in my decision: “*So far as the evidence shows, the defendant is an upright and honorable Christian gentlema So far as the evidence shows,’"” repeated the jurist, slowly and with emphasis. ‘Then he leaned forward in his chair, placed a hand on the other’s knee, and exclaimed, with an air of vindia- tion: “But, Billy, Idida’t say I believed it!” —Youth's Com panion. AN ORIENTAL REBUKE When the eminent Wu Ting-fang was Chinese Minister at Washington, he was the guest of honor at one o! leading clubs, where he made an address, and was afterward cntertained by some of the younger members, who thought it would be great fun to get the Oriental diplomat intoxicated. They plicd hia with champagne, highballs and beer until about 3 a. st., by which time most of the clubmen were maudlin. Cool as a cucur’xr, Mr. Wu surveyed the crowd, and said, gravely, in his perfect English: “If T didn’t know this club was composed entirely of gentlemen I should say that you fellows were trying to get mt drunk.” The session adjourned very shortly thereafter —The Argonaut. A FAVORED INSTRUMENT The story is told of a newly rich woman who on the cccasiva of her daughter's wedding gave a large reception, for which music was furnished by an orchestra of twelve pieces ‘The leader of this orchestra was a violinist who had achieved a social as well as a professional success, and the rich woman evidently wished to recognize this fact and make clear bet knowledge of it. When the evening was half over, the butler approached the musicians, who were having a short intermission, and in bis loftiest manner he said, after referring to a paper in his hand: “The violin eats in the dining-room; the rest of the insire- ments eats in the pantry."—Vouth's Companion. A negro was complaining that his wife kept asking him for money. “It is money, money, all the time," he said. “What does she do with all the money?" asked an innocent bystaader ** Don't know,” was the reply, “hain’t nebber gib ber noae set.” No contribution will be returned untess accompanied by stamped and addressed envelope. The illustrations in Lure. ore copyrighted, and are not to be reproduced. At your club or dealer's SURBRUG-Importer Prompt notification should be sent by subscribers o] any change of address. The e Egyptian Cigarette of Quality AROMATIC DELICACY— MILDNESS — PURITY LAKE SHORE LIMITED” mil comicbooks.com