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Life, 1906-02-01 · page 20 of 48

Life — February 1, 1906 — page 20: what you’re looking at

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Life — February 1, 1906 — page 20: Life, 1906-02-01

What you’re looking at

This is a satirical "dictionary" of New York City institutions, written by Carolyn Wells for *Life* magazine. It's essentially a comedic guidebook that mocks contemporary urban life through mock-serious definitions. The humor targets: - **Urban hazards**: Getting hit by automobiles/trolleys is treated as routine ("Do not worry about the chauffeur") - **Class and corruption**: Blackwell's Island residents are described as people admitted "on the strength of their convictions" (implying criminals) - **Bureaucratic runaround**: Foreigners needing help get shuffled between police, charities, and consuls endlessly - **Women's organizations**: The "Daughters of the American Revolution" spawned the "Daughters of the American Revolution" (sic)—satirizing splinter groups and social pretension - **Department stores**: Portrayed as places where "everybody [gets] sold," with bargain sales compared unfavorably to afternoon tea The tone is gently mocking of New York's modern inconveniences, social hierarchies, and the absurdities of rapid urbanization.

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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

eal B as = A Metropolitan Guide-Book and Dictionary of Later New York. ecident—In run over by an or a trolley car, ask the nearest case you utomobile policeman to take you to a drug- store. Do not worry about the chauffeur or the motorman; they will look out for them- selves. are run over Ambulance— by an ambulance, jump in. n case you Apartment Houses — Tenements in which flats conceal themselves under assumed names. Art Gallerles—(See Euro Ashes—(Sce Street Cleaning Dept., or telephone to them.) Battery, ‘The —A shady part of Man- hattan Island. (See Assault and Battery first: stres Beaver Street —One of thi laid out in the city, In 1650 it was called the Beaver Gralt, by transferred fur Blackwell's Island—One of the city’s waterside resorts to which New Yorkers fre+ since then graft has been ier uptow quently go for an outing. ‘The residences on Island are large and imposing, and the ely built of granite, in the majority are har a feudal style of architecture dsom The residents are people of strong character and con- servative in their habits, though occasionally ‘Those wh they let themselves go. se achiewe- entitle them to a sojourn on the Island me may receive free passes and transportation, and many are admitted on the strength of their convictions. Mowery, The— As this is a shady lane, ic its name implies, which green things appear and are welcomed with delight. Brewerles—There are eighty-nine brew- eries in New York City, and more are in process of construction. (See W. C.T.U.) Bridzes—New York has two kinds of bridge—the Brooklyn Bridge and Bridge Wohis: of great suspense. Patrons of both experience moments The total expe se of each is about the same. Broadway—Broadway is divided into Excep' a cloudy t and light two parts, day and night, or stormy days, one part is as brigh as the other. Bronx Park—A large farm in the out- lying district to the north, where a Zoo is said to exist, By the time you have found it, it be return home—unless you went the week before, will be time to Wrooklyn—The support for the other end of the Bridge. Coffee Exchange—Victims of the coffee habit may here exchange the pernicious berry Ry Cakouys Wetts. for neat packages of harmless substitutes made out of cornbusks, nutshells, or Boston brown bread crumbs, Concerts—The name under which the- atrical performances are given on Sunday. Consuls—Officials whom it is proper to consult, if you are a foreigner, They will refer you to the Police, who will in turn refer you to the Charitable Societies, who will refer he Police, who will refer you to the u to consult a you to Consuls, who will advise y lawyer. ¢ Churches.) Daughters of the Revolution —A society of the feminine descendants of Revo- lutionary patriots, Danghters of the American Revo- lation — An organization of Dames, who created a Revolution in the Society of the Daughters of the Revolution, and made a Declaration of Independence therefrom, Department Stores— These are the urban development of the original country store. In them, everything may be bought and everybody sold. On certain days there are Bargain Sales. These occasionsare greatly enjoyed by the ladies, as they offer all the delightful crush and jam of an afternoon tea, without any necessity for good manners. Dog Fancters— Persons with this pe- culiar partiality may patronize any of the hot frankfurter stands or pushcarts, Eden Masée—A place of entertainment where there are exhibited wax figures made up to look unlike noted people of the day. Elystan Flelds— (Don't see Hoboken.) Grant's Tomb—An and oppressive looking mausoleum, in the form of a huge inkstand, where lie the remains of President Grant and Julia Dent Grant. impressive Harlem—A station at the other end of the Subway, Hell Gate—(See Subway Entrance.) Librartes—Astor, unsatisfactory; Lenox, unavailable; N. Y, Public, unfinished, Licenses —Special permits, which must be obtained before one can sell gunpowder or kerosene, found a Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, or write poetry. Manhattan Island—Twenty-two squars miles of the Strenuous Life, cram bulators—(See Seeing Brooklyn.) Soctety of the CincInnat!—Composed of descendants of commissioned officers of the American Army in the War of the Revolution. Sons of the Revolutton—Composed of descendants of soldiers of the American Army in the War of the Revolution,who were snubbed by the Society of the Cincinnat Sons of the American Revolution —Composed of descendants of the soldiers of the American Army in the War of the Revo- lution, who were snubbed by the Sons of the Revolution, Stock Exchange — This building is so constructed that it 1s ners, but a seat on the floor of the house may be had for eighty thousand dollars, Although not advertised as a 200, its inmates are bull: bears and lambs, all of whom are endeavoring to keep the wolf from the door, (cf, Wild Animals | Have Known.) Weather Bureau — This organization doesn’t know its own mind from one minute to another, When it wants certain kinds of weather, it hangs out various little flags as signals, but before the weather signaled for has achance to come, the Bureau whips in those flags and puts out others. It 1s owing to this indecision of shat the Weather Bureau ts unable to predict certainly nd shelters “possibly partly Jargely made up of cor- character the weather for any given day,a itself behind such terms as cloudy,” mostly variable,” and ‘perhaps partially foggy.” The Bureau 1s located on the roof of one of the oftiest sky- scrapers of New York, and 1s. a most -nterest- ing place to see. (No visitors allowed.) Exchange — (See Divorce “winds Woman Court.)