Life, 1906-02-01 · page 18 of 48
Life — February 1, 1906 — page 18: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This poem satirizes calls to destroy the USS *Constitution*, America's oldest warship, through military target practice. The poem mocks this proposal by adopting an ironic, mock-heroic tone addressing "Fighting Bob" (likely Admiral Robert Peary or similar naval figure). The satire works through contrast: the poem invokes the ship's glorious history—its defense in the War of 1812 against the *Guerriere* and *Java*—then absurdly urges modern weaponry (ten-inch guns, torpedoes, mines) be used against it. The cartoon's cherub surrounded by flowers labeled "St. Valentine" illustrates the incongruity: America would destroy its own heritage for military experimentation. The title "Bonaparte's Constitutional" suggests this destructive impulse mirrors Napoleon's authoritarian disregard for law and tradition. The poem's final ironic plea—to report the achievement to Washington's White House—underscores the satire: destroying an American icon contradicts American values.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
144 -LIFE: ine Bonaparte’s ‘‘ Constitutional.” There being now no Boxer scrap, or other war Confucian, With Peace declared between the Jap and his late for, the Brave Konaparte now takes a slap at the Vankee Constitutis “AY, tear her tattered ensign down,” A ‘The Doctor-Poet boomed, When, five and seventy years ago, “Old Ironsides” was doomed. The axis of the Muse sufficed When first the Vandal loomed, ay, no Poet smites the lyre To snow a passing care in her: No Ship Trust intervenes to buy— And sell—a single share in her hampions who could save The nation’s Ancient Mariner. She's pleaded guilty to Old Age— A crime that none conde She's dared defy the Os! Ana laugh at Davy Jones Wherefore the orders, 30 below With lead between your bones law, Come on then, * Fighting Bob,” and bring Your Things of steam and stee! ; Salute the Ark of Eighteen-Twelve, Then, straightway let her feel The deluge of your ten-inch gun 1, From mizzen-top to k Let all the small arms join the fun, Let Gatlings speak the faster From conning-tower and from br Urge on th Show us the way to make a ship lad disaster. Look like a porous plaster! Repeat the tricks of Nioety-Eight, At Santiago town, When bold Cervera’s squadron gained Its ‘‘sub-marine" renown, Show War's advancement The Guerriere went do: Steer close, and send a broadside home, To blast like molten lava! Torpedoes, too, and floating mines— These, surely, ought to halve her. We're so humane compared to when She sank the frigate Java! And when your target's gone, dear Bob, Don’t mourn upon the wave; sof Hull Tt will not help the s! And Perry to behave, Nor keep P. Jones trom turnin; His brand-new, Yankee grav in But hurry back to Washington, Where heroes are requited, And seek the White House where your deed Can freely be recited; + port ** One Constitution killed,” And hear the King’s ** Dee-lighted !" Gideon Wurds. R Diamonds. [' , as they say, we imported thirty-six millions’ worth of diamonds last year, it is no more than might be ex- pected, A strong people have strong tastes, and as whiskey is our favorite beverage, and murder our favorite crime, and the newspaper our favorite literature, in a like manner the diamond is our favorite gem. The limit has for usa fascination all its own, especially as we find ourselves seemingly singled out by Providence to be all the time raising it and making it moreillustrious. American beauty is a big’and costly flower, whose color is a symphony in full swing, with the drums all going and the bass viols earning their salary or better, If it has no odor to speak of, that is because the sense of smell is passing, and odors can no longer be depended on to stun any considerable tion of the public,