Life — December 28, 1905 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ad Now about that baby, What are we going to do with him * Do with him! Why, isn’t he all righ? They seemed delighted to get him . “No, sir, he isn’t. I suspected from the first how it would be. I wanted to please you and so I consented. But to be entirely frank with you, those old friends of yours have an elephant on their hands.” “Impossible!” ‘ot at all, If you had thought it over you would see that it must be so. The fact is, that they didn’t really want a baby—all they wanted was just what they had—they wanted to dream about one. As long as they could fool them- selves into believing that what they wanted was a baby, they were happy. But the moment they were confronted with the reality, they woke up. The old gentleman, perhaps without know- ing it, was set in his ways. He was used to certain things. The old lady was just as set. She liked to go and visit where there were babies, and talk about them and gush about them and give advice about them, But when it came to the real thing, that was dif- ferent. We not only destroyed all their illusions, but we upset them com- pletely by our gift. And so, my friend, I've brought him back. You see, I have some feeling left in) my stony old bosom. I’m not so heartless as you and some folks believe.” “Brought him back !”" cried Santa Claus, “Yes, here he is.” said the Stork, taking the lid off his basket. “Did you a finer specimen? Isn't he a —a real- ever se beauty? Perfect in every wa ly most ext what shall I do with him?” “Why, good gracious! don’t ask me. 3ut you forget, my friend, that you got me into this scrape. You see I can't. place him among my regular patrons, because my orders are so far ahead that I've simply got to deliver from the stock now on hand. I might substitute him for another, but that wouldn't make matters any better; in- deed, I would then only have an in- ferior article on my hands. And so here we are with a superfluous baby— perfect, lovable, delightful—and im- possible to get rid of.” “But, my dear Stork, there ought to aordinary baby. And now, “DLE EB * y-of people who want such a The Stork smiled, You dare to ma ke such a. state- ne observed. “Why, aren't you acquainted with the whole field? And didn’t you, from all the people you know, select the ones that you thought were simply dying for one—and look at the result! I tell you, my friend. he is utterly useless. What do you ex- pect me to do—beg him from door to door, when nobody wants him ?"" me: Santa Claus was by this time worked up to a high pitch of excitement. He rose and began walking the floor. “I don't believe it!” he cried can't be so, Have I been mistaken all these years? There must be lots of folks who want him He picked up the child and held him up in his arms. “Look at him! he exclaimed. “Did you ever see a more beautiful baby? A BWALKCRY THE QUESTION. (AS ANSWERED BY OUR PRESIDENT.) 805 Look at his curves and dimples. A per- fect picture of health! Why, he’s won- derful, I'd keep him myself, if—" “Why don’t you ? asked the Stork, eagerly, “That would settle the mat- ter, It would relieve me also. You must do something. Your suggestion was responsible for him. Take him, I implore." Santa Claus lifted a warning finger. “Sh!” he whispered. “Not so loud, old man. I'd do it in a minute, but you know Mrs, Santa Claus is peculiar, She is also set in her ways. Don't refer to the subject again, IT beseech you, But I tell you what I will do. I feel con- fident that I can dispose of this baby I'll advertise him in all the Sunday papers, There must be some one. In the meantime—" ‘In the meantime,” repeated the Stork, “I must be going. I have sev- eral hurry calls on hand. Do the best yor can, I rely upon you.” It was several days later before he came in again, But one morning he appeared, curiosity and anxiety mingled in his fatherly old counte- nance. Santa Claus sat dejectedly pufting his pipe. “Well,” said the Stork, “how is it? I suspect by your manner that we still have that baby on our hands No,” said Santa Claus. “I got rid of him. I placed him at last’ with some good people. They'll treat him well, I know, but Ican assure you that it was a great blow to me to think that none of the people I know wanted him—there was actually no demand at all.” “Whom did you place him with?" asked the Stork, eagerly. anta Claus brushed a tear away. “T placed him,” he said, “with a firm of baby food manufacturers, who are going to use him as a photographer's model of the only perfect baby in ex- istence.”” Wer Mr. Tarbell and Mr. Per- kins act as their own agents in and deduct taking out life insuranc the agents’ commissions from their premiums, they set an example which every policy-holder yearns to follow. The premium, less the agent's com- mission, comes near being about right. It is the agent's commission that makes the camel's back sag. comicbooks.com