Life — December 14, 1905 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AN “EVEET Real Assistance. HE small son of a clergyman who was noted for his tiresome sermons overheard two friends of his father saying how dry they were and how hard it was to keep awake dur- ing service. The following Sunday while the minister. was preaching he was astounded to sce his son throwing pebbles at the congrega tion from the gallery. The — clergyma frowned angrily at him, when the boy piped out in a clear treble voice: “It’s all right, pop. You go on preaching I'm keeping them awake.”—Philadelphia Led- Ker. Where He Gets His. Armnic T (at the pearly gates): May I come in? st. Peter: What business were you en- gaged in while on earth? Appticant: I owned several apartment house: t, Peter (interrupting): Sorry, but I'm afraid the children here would annoy you Go bump the bumps.—Chicago Daily News. Arizona’s Summers. HEY were talking of Arizona, and in some way or another the name of former Gov, Franklin cropped up in the conversation “When Franklin was Governor of Arizona he came to San Francisco on a junketing ex- pedition one year, and stayed at the Palace Hotel,” remarked an assistant manager of that cara ry. “The Governor was very loyal to the Territory and very touchy regarding its reputation, “Most people have obtained an entirely erroneous impression of Arizona from reading the New York funny papers and the prattle of playful humorists in other quarters,” re- marked the Governor, one evening. ‘Why I meta fellow the other day who thought we had noth n Arizona but horned toads, cactus, shooting irons and three-card-monte gentle- men, Let me tell you that the Salt River Valley is more fertile than the Valley of the Nile, and you can ride along in a train for hours viewing a landscape that is for all the world like one big, broad English park. Our ‘And you might add, Governor,’ inter- jected Judge Fitzgerald, of Solomonville, who | was with the Governor's party, el interest of truth, that our summers are I —San Francisco Chronicle. LSIE: So you considet him misleading and disappointing? Why? Epte: Well, he had me on tenter-hooks last night in expectation that he was going to ask me to go to the theatre. “And didn’t he? “No; he only asked me to marry him.”—Tit- Bitter Liqueur Underbera BOONEKAMP Bitters The Best Supreme! Nothing like it for jollity, good health anda keen appetite. It banishes indiges- tion and the blues. Call for UNDERBERG BITTERS at the best Clubs, Hotels and Its popularity is due to its delicious flavor, remarkable qualities, and to ENJOYABLE as the endorsement of the favored a@cockTaiL the whole world round. and BETTER bottles imported for NOU 6 000,000 to the U. s. Atall hotels, clubs, restaurants, wine merchants, grocers, etc. Bottied only by H. UNDERBERG ALDRECHT. Rheinberg, Germany, since 1646 LUYTIES BROTHERS General Agents, New York. Bits, IT COVERS A WIDE RANGE of social impossibilities and is deliciously foolish. “IF; a Guide to Bad Manners” is the title of the invaluable volume, by James Montgomery Flagg, who also did “* Tomfoolery.” 75 CENTS LIFE PUBLISHING COMPANY 17 West Twuaty-riast Stacer NEW YORK Los Angeles—Four Days from New York or Boston—By New York Central comicbooks.com