Life, 1905-12-07 · page 46 of 60
Life — December 7, 1905 — page 46: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two advertisements (Williams' Shaving Soap and Murray & Lanman's Florida Water) alongside a serialized satirical story about a professor visiting Washington, D.C. The narrative satirizes early 20th-century America through a European professor's perspective. Key satirical points include: **Chicago dominance**: The joke that Chicago's influence has literally blackened the White House ("Grey House"), and the President now employs "patent flying machines" to sprinkle soot everywhere—mocking Chicago's industrial pollution and political clout. **Government kissing protocol**: Officials are so fractious that a dedicated "kissing room" exists to force civility, suggesting politicians' hypocrisy and performative harmony. **The female President**: A woman heads the government, shocking the professor. She prioritizes appointments with hairdressers and "ladies' tailors," satirizing both female leadership stereotypes and political frivolity. The professor's romantic rediscovery of "Juniper" (the President, apparently) adds melodramatic irony to the political commentary.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Williams’ Shaving Soap is manufactured in the clean, green, God-made country, far away from soot and dirt and germ-infected dust. It’s as pure as sunshine, with the fragrance of roses. It is just what Shaving Soap ought to be. Send 4 Cents in Stamps for Trial Size Shaving Stick THE J. B. WILLIAMS CO. Glastonbury, Conn. “Without exception the best Toilet Hertume mace THE CENUINE MURRAY & LANMAN’S FLORIDA WATER An acceptable gift at all Seasons but especially appropriate asa Christmas Box. BE BUAE YOU GET THE GENUINE MURRAY & LANMAN'A, “Why not? They don’t suffer half so much as they used to when they had real inexperienced mothers.” By this time they had reached the Capitol. “Is it still called the White House?” asked the professor. | “Dear me, no. It hadn't been moved to Chicago a week before it all turned black. Now they call it the Grey House.” “But I thought the new process of heating had eliminated soot.” “Oh, it did, but the inhabitants of Chicago were so used to it that they | couldn't get along without it, so now they have patent flying machines | make the rounds every morning, sprinkling soot everywhere.” They reached the residence of the President. They entered the west wing. As they passed a door they heard a con- fused chirping sound. “That,” said Highton, “is the kissing room. They had to have it. Whenever the public officials met each other they invariably stopped and kissed. As public affairs developed, and more factions arose, why, the | more the women were jealous and hated each other, the more th in public; so by a wise order of the President, this room was set aside. Now all officials are obliged to step in there to kiss. Sometimes there is a long line waiting clear across the asphalt.” As they passed along the corridor to the main reception room, they were confronted by a magnificent photograph of a tall, stately, beautiful woman. The professor, gasping for breath, fell back on his companion’s arm as he beheld it. “Juniper!” he exclaimed. “Yes. A fine picture. It is quite recent.” The professor felt his heart beating mightily within him. It was the same Juniper whom he had known and loved so ardently: a little olde little more regal, more commanding, but yet the same sweet, woman’ presence. And as if by magic, all the years that had elapsed since theiz parting seemed to drop away. The professor was as much in love as ever. He turned and looked at himself silently in the mirror on the opposite wall. For the first time in a quarter of a century, he took account of himself. His face had grown sadder and more worn. There was a slight stoop to his shoulders and his clothes were not what they should be. At this moment the doorkeeper approached. “You wish to sce the President?” “Yes,” said Highton, “Let me sce. She is now with her hairdresser. The Russian Minis: is due in half an hour. A delegation of ladies’ tailors will follow. Have you credentials?” Highton showed his card. His name was well known at headquarters. “Ah, yes. I think it can be arranged for five o'clock.” They turned away. It was only at this moment that Highton noticed the professor’s agitation. “What! my dear boy!” he exclaimed. “You look positively ill.” “T feel it,” whispered the professor. “The fact is, when I got a glimpse of Juniper’s picture there, it gave me an odd turn. Come, let us go to a quiet place and I will tell you.” They hastened out. As they issued into the street a young newsgirl approached with the afternoon paper. It consisted mostly of postcripts, which gave the changes of the President's mind from nour to hour, But on one page the professor's own name attracted his attention. He read as follows: “Professor Radilon, the celebrated riologist, has just arrived in this country, after an absence of twenty-five years, and it is expected that he will make a formidable addition to the ranks of the Men's Rights party. He has already been seen with one of the leading exponents of that party. The professor is known to have left the country because he would not submit to the rule of—well, we won't say whom—and it is possible that important political events may follow his arrival.” “This paper,” explained Highton, as he glanced over the professor's shoulder, “is run by one of Juniper’s rivals, who hates her like poison. Is there anything in it that—” | (Continued on second page following.) comicbooks.com