Life, 1905-08-17 · page 14 of 26
Life — August 17, 1905 — page 14: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two distinct pieces of satirical fiction from *Life* magazine: **"The Garden of Adjectives"** is a serialized story mocking romantic excess and bohemian affectation. The heroine "Hominy" is a woman of exaggerated sensibilities who sees the world in overwrought, flowery language. Her relationship with the cynical "Andrumandwhiskey" plays on the contrast between her poetic delusions and his brutish pragmatism (he literally kicks her downstairs). The satire targets pretentious artistic types and melodramatic female characters popular in contemporary literature. **"His Idea"** is a brief joke contrasting American materialism: a first millionaire obsesses over English cathedrals while a second focuses on practical automobile design—mocking both the ostentatious wealthy and their competing value systems. The humor relies on exaggerated character types and verbose adjectives (the story's title) that were recognizable to 1910s-era readers familiar with romantic fiction conventions the magazine lampooned.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A Strange Case. wife's peculiar in some ways ali the time I find I don’t misunderstand her For instance, The Garden of Adjectives. By R----T H--NS. Cuaprer |. shores of Africa. It was all md she was Ho“ very fering acutely from. se took a pill and began to see She saw the sun and the moon at the same time the shimmering, shuddering. heard the sweet, sad glowin entranci voices of Kabalye dogs imperturbable squeak of tom-toms, She saw the scintillant, cthereal tigures of stout, negro dancers, and her heart ached for the wide, free desert. She pined for more space for the tragic splen of her pipe dreams * she prayed feverishly, “give me e 1 greens and yellows.” St jor, more col more reds and blues Tose, and peering into the mirror, dyed her hair a richer and more purpureal black, painted her checks a more glorious palpitant scarlet. nent day I r lips a deeper, duskier carmine yred Andrumandwhiskey. Not urtive complexities of his na- she met k the tortured and wit ture, she made an attempt to get into a railway carriag before him; but with one well-directed shove of the elbow, he sent her spinning. As Hominy picked herself up and ened her hat, she was conscious of a faint, tenuous, the first, fain annoyance mingled wil intangible feeling o stirring of passion : Cuapter IT. key met they bled her dose and ext time Hominy and Andremandwh: were on a tower. Hom was like the dice-thrower who up six. She could sce lakes and rivers and everything at The nm the b tom of them. Instead of one range of cle palpable mountains, she saw ten; the palm trees see ¢ from th Is and the people upside down She talked to Andrumandwhiskey of the things she saw sp n, fire-tipped until he could bear no more, and lifting his heavy shoe, stairs, Then Hominy realized that for le to her. Oh, its hollow days! er brain v filled ing he kicked her dow? the first time in her life a man ad been rr: how far away she was from the old life an Each time she met Andrumandwhiskey, with exotic visions, her body with the vibrant, t fractures of broken bones. Cnapter X. Money oozed from Hominy’s fingers and dropped on the sand at the fortune-teller's fect. He caught it lightly in his expressively satirical teeth Then he crouched upon the ground and made a neat tee = Wl) of sand; and Hominy felt as if her soul was a golf ball, cked throw r-dusted space of iny could see and icel almost anything at to be thes! Ilon abe “What is he sayi whispered to the stray Count she had picked up. “It is Arabic, is it no “Yes, but I can translate it,” he answered proudly. “Lis- arin the Desert. It is night; but you are not asleep. Something is keeping you awake.” My dinner,” murmured Hominy, dreamily you.” continued the Count, ten! Tle sees you Jackals are howling abot ¢ skeletons of dead men and camels are white under thysiine moon Dope,” Hominy’s eyes were ecstatic Ile says.” translated the Count, “that there is something within y It must be the dinner,” averred Hon » With convic- 0 It may be appendicitis,” said the Count, cautions! t and Hominy and the Count The diviner wriggled in withdrew, Cuaprer XC Andrumandwhiskey and Hominy were married, and red in a palanquin for the heart of the desert, Unfor- soon met a French officer, who tunately nwever, th 1 1 recognized Bored. Then Hominy, with a woman's intuition, divining some- of her husband's secret, seized him by the seruff thi of the neck, 1 forced him to face her. “Bored,” she said gently, “you must tell me the trath.” fam a mentber of the Black Hand,” he muttered. “1 ave been indicted for half a dozen murders, so I fled 10 Hominy, and my the Desert there [met ye began Hou haracter, but of physique. For answer, she fastened reat strength, not only of was a woman of 1 pair ton his wrists and gave orders for 4f handcuffs deitly their journey Ivs very yellow of you to give me up, Hominy,” mur- mured Andrumandwhiskey, huskily. “Why do you do it?” To prove my love for you,” she answered. “Our lives for the terrible sin we ve spent in expiation committed, and you, Bored, must do the expiating, for you aving been formally introduced.” married me without our I know,” he whimpered, “but it does scem unnecessary to give me a life sentence for it.” “Quite unnecessary,” said Homir rily, “and utter, Y y y We; idiotic; but the only artistic thing to de Mrs, Wilson Woodrow. His Idea. IRST AMERICAN MILLIONAIRE: What in the world are you going over to see all the English cathedrals for ? Secon American Mituiosatwe: I'm putting up an automobile stable and I'm looking for something handsome ind comicbooks.com