Life — July 27, 1905 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Ship of State. (UP TO DATE) THE sce deck of the U.S. Frigate Con stitution, ets at midnight on the Everything is cleared for act. and midshipmen standing at attention, Suddenly there isa blare of horns and trumpets and there appears the stately figure tary of War Taft. as he sings: mn, Marines Soxc or Riewr Junce Micur, asp Tart. I'm a warrior bold, as you all may see As I flourish aloft my ckersnee, And woe tothe wretch who resists my might, For off goes his head like a flash of light, I'm the terrible Taft, with a temper so quick That none may resist, be he ever so slick. Me and Teddy, And Teddy and Me, Ready, As you will agree. Are Rough an To go off half-cocked is my only desire, As my tongue lets loose and my eyes flash fire, boys, took aloft and fetch me that base lureling Wallace.” The face about and ina moment appear with the hivering form of John F of the Panama Canal, marines Watiace, engineer We tries to break away, but ts held firmly. Judge Taft draws his snichersnee Juoce Tarr, If the wires are in condition, And the telephones are working, If the press is all assembled near at hand, { will agitate my mission Not one syllable I'm shirking, For my boom is coming pn, you understand, And to be quite bold and blatant Is the very latest thing. While my dignity lies latent I must make the welkin ring. Cuorvs. It is his sacred mission When the wires are in condition, And the press is right at hand, To be quite bold and blatant Tho’ his dignity lies latent, As we all may understand, For his boom is close at hand. Jupce Tarr, (To the cowering Wallace.) Come, wretch unpatriotic, —* Your ambitiou’s too exotic, For lucre, filthy lucre, you're too daft With blankety-blank effusion I will put you to confusion, Off goesyour head! For I'm the only Taft, -LIFE- He swings his snickersnee before Wallace has time to protest, and the head of that un- fortunate wretch falls into a waste basket labeled * rejected contributors” and is borne of to sic Taft, muttering loudly to himself and patting himself strenuously on the back, goes to rear, The ligh!s grow dim and the music dies away asa gentle figure approaches and bows profoundly. music. SoNG oF PuRrty. Paun Moxos. The lily white and the driven snow allto me, my comrade, has told me so— For I'm a Peach of Puritee ! Oh, the pleasures of rebating | have never, never known, Though my critics thus are stating—just be- cause I’m near the throne. Crores. Just because he's near the throne, His base critics are relating Something he has never known, Viz. : the pleasttres of rebating And we all of usagree He's a Peach of Purity! Large bougnets of flowers are handed to him by the company, and Thomas R, ward and lifts him tenderly down the gang- plank, where the Equitable launch is watting to take him ashore. an steps for AU the midshipmen and marines then jorm while the My Country,’ Tis of Thee,” as there steps forward in line, music strikes up the trim figure of Francis Ht. Loomis, late of Caracas Sone oF SUPERIORETY, FRANCIS B, Loostts, I confess there’s some suspicion That still clings about my mission, Pray explain it if you can. But I myself have said it, And it’s greatly to my credit — I'ma strictly honest man ! Crores Hal HatHa! He! He! t Explain it if you can, Though he himself has said it, It is greatly to his credit— He's a strictly honest man! Judge Taft now steps forward and em braces Loomis affecticnately SONG OF ExpLaxation, Juvor Tarr. With considerable asperity I wish to make it plain That we'll treat with great severity All the ones who are out for gain. ‘The guilty chaps shail suffer, O, Unless Lam a dufler, O, But this, of course, is never meant For those who say they're innocent. Cnok' Ss. The guilty ones, with great severity He'll treat, he says, with due asperity, But this, of course, is never meant For thos: who say they're innocent, Mt this announcement all embrace and a grand salute of ventyeone guns is fired, when inadenly the lights go ont, and as @ finale he shade of Fohn Pau the deck, ones staggers across Soutoguy, Jos Pavi, Jones, Can this be home ? Is this the land For which Land my trusty band Fought on to save ? Oh, caitiff crew | I did not know It was so bad, Pray let me go Rack to my grave ! (Curt) Tom Masson, Generous. IRST BOY the simple life. Srcoxp Boy Pop's yoing to lead What's he doing ? “He's given away all his private cars to the poor people in the neigh- borhood.”" HE CANNIBAL that missionary Cuer: What's the trouble, sire * He's tainted.” KIN ; Take WHEN FATHERS MEET. The Burglar: De AGR Of MINE. wot! ONLY TWO MONT’S? IST comicbooks.com