Life, 1905-07-13 · page 9 of 26
Life — July 13, 1905 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page satirizes the S.P.C.A. (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) by contrasting its work with the John P. Haines Society's efforts. The text argues the S.P.C.A. achieves impressive conviction numbers (9,000 in London in 1894) but questions their actual impact—noting that only 753 cases resulted in sufficient attention from wealthy New Yorkers like "St. John the Dormant." The top cartoon depicts a boating mishap where a woman displays poor seamanship, captioned with the Captain's dismissive response: "Just sail right home—don't take the time to tack!" Below is a poem titled "Dissatisfied with Life" by a twelve-year-old girl critiquing *Life* magazine itself—its content, prices, and illustrations. The page uses humor to question charitable organizations' real-world effectiveness while also playfully self-critiquing the magazine.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
*LIFE: 53 The S. P. C. A. —= ib the matter of odious comparison it [SPCAT| is interesting to contrast the work done in a year by the John P. Haines Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (and all charitable and hood- winkable old ladies should take note) with that accomplished in a similar period by the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals in London. It is a simple matter of figures, which are popularly supposed to be convincing. Certainly they speak for themselves, however ex- clusively uncommunicative Mr. Haines may be. In 1904, according to the report of the benevolent Mr. Haines, his society achieved 753 “arrests and prosecu- tions,” the number of convictions being left to conjecture. In London in 1904 the humane society obtained 9,000 convictions, a statement which leaves nothing to the imagination: But what do these figures demonstrate? They demon- ate the superb consideration of the New York dumb animal for the feelings of St. John the Dormant in his wailing chamber at Madison Avenue and Twenty-sis Street. Only 753 of them so far forgot themselves a: to claim his attention. Think into what gloom 9,000 would have cast him! And last year his society collected only $135,360.67 to expend upon them! Mr, Buszzerino (the barber): EXCUSE ME, MR, CATERPILLAR, BUT SHALL I STOP KIGHT HERE OR KEEP RIGHT ON DOWN? LET NOT YOURSELF BE CLASSIFIED WITH MRS. PARVENU, WHOSE SEAMANSHIP DISPLAYED AN AWFUL LACK. ON HER NEW YACHT, WHEN SEAS WERE ROUGH, SHE TO THE CAPTAIN SAID? “JUST SAIL RIGHT HOSME—DON'T TAKE THE TIME TO TACK!” ESE lines were written by a girl of twelve. While the Editor of Lire is unable to endorse all the sent ments therein, he fears many of our readers will heartily agree with the young author : Dissatisfied with Life. If it only had a Storiette worth reading, If it only had a Poem here and there ; If its Literature would only change a little ; It-way fair, If its jokes were sometimes only h If its Editorials were slightly newer— If the villain did not always Kill his w If its advertisements were a little fewer, Then I thiok that I'd be satisfied with Lire, If its price could be reduced about four dollars, To make it in proportion to its size ; If the picture on the cover had some meaning, And its cartoons did not always look like guys. What people want is something good, worth reading, To contrast with all common paths of strife, And I'm sure that with this change of circumstances, All subscribers would be satisfied with Lire. Inez Lopes (age elve yrars). S lucky we discovered how to raise babies with a bottle just when we did. Otherwise our civilization would have had us extinguished by this time. comicbooks.com