Life, 1905-07-13 · page 13 of 26
Life — July 13, 1905 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three satirical pieces typical of *Life* magazine's social commentary: **"The Wall Street Menagerie"** (header): A brief, cutting observation that Wall Street traders consist of "bulls and bears" (speculators), occasionally a "lamb" (naive investor), and frequently an "ass"—mocking the moral character of financial operators. **The automobile advertisement parody**: A humorous fake ad selling a car that's been so extensively rebuilt ($2,000 spent on a $650 original) that no original parts remain. It satirizes both consumer gullibility and shoddy goods marketed as "new." **"Recipe for a World"**: A darkly cynical recipe mixing one man, woman, garden, snake, and children, then adding theology, violence ("Battle, Murder and Sudden Death"), and hypocrisy ("Cant")—suggesting human civilization is fundamentally corrupt and cyclical. **"An Obituarian Needed"**: Mocks the Equitable Life Insurance Company's leadership, suggesting they need someone to write flattering obituaries for deceased directors, implying corporate corruption and the glossing-over of scandal through PR. The page reflects *Life's* Progressive-era skepticism toward corporate America and Wall Street.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Wall Street Menagerie. } | S bulls and bears the operators class, / With now and then a lamb, and here and there an ass, Advertisement. HAVE a second-hand automobile for sale. It is in splendid condi ve just replenished it with new tires. I will also throw I in the old ones. My auto has a new engine. [1 found .||] wouldn't work, so I had a new one put in that the old one Aso I have had a new carburetor, new chain, new fly-wheel and new shaft. The . “aouee machine has just been painted wi ||! When I first got this machine it XK. would go at the rate of forty miles an hour for half a mile, and then lie down and go to sleep for the rest of the day. Now it goes about ten miles an houron a jog trot, but it gets there. T will not tell the name of the machine for fear of scar- ing away a possible customer. But I will say this: That no part of the original machine is with me, every part having long since been replaced. I would like some one to become interested in my ma- chine. Demonstrations given at any hour of the day or night. I made it myself and know whereof [ speak. I will guarantee it for one week. This auto cost me originally $650. Since then I have spent $2,000 on it. I will gladly sell it for thirty cents. ~ | Recipe for a World. AKE one man, one woman and a garden, Add an apple and a good fresh snake. Stir gently until the pot begins to beil, then drain off the apple and keep adding children. Sim- mer on a slow fire, then put onice. Al- ternate between the two extremes, giv- ing the whole a good sound basting when needed, turning slowly in a proper spac Keep adding time until the m: is of the consistency of a mud pie covered with ants, Multiply the inhabitants and garnish with villages, towns, cities and empires. Now introducea little theology and enough Devil Keep adding Battle, Murder and Sudden Death, and a good layer of Cant. Put plenty of salt in the water and sprinkle with bad society. When your world is finished, throw it in the fire and begin all over again. It’s a good game to pass away the ages with. Pancras WARD | ~- sauce to spice, -LIFE- 55 An Obituarian Needed. W* knew who owns the controlling shares of Equitable stock, and who the trustees are, and who is acting manager, but no one has divulged whois going to write the Equitable obituaries. In the past they have been beauti- fully executed, Whenever a high official or even a director of the Equitable was relieved by course of nature from the care of property, handsome and affecting testimonials to his worth were composed in the best style, and published in the obituary columns of the newspapers. We have long admired these tributes, done sometimes in the face of rather awkward facts. It is a sad thought that none of the directors who lately took to the long boat had any wreaths thrown to them by their brethren who stayed by the pumps, Worse still, if any director should now happen to pay the debt of nature, the chances are that none of his brethren could do better by him than some such faint exclamation as Reguiescat in pace, or * Blessed are the dead whe die in the Board." We wish Mr. Cleveland would assume, in addition to his duties as trustee, the obligation to act as official obituarian of the Equitable. He knows how it should be done, and ly nothing that could be had for the same money would go farther to make people feel that the Equitable was itself again, than the recurrence in the newspapers of one of the old-time Equitable obituaries, framed to concede in modest terms that the deceased had realized about the highest point of human aspiration, and was sure to be appreciated wherever he had gone. Worse Off. IRE: IRST MILLIO} ten years ago Seconp Mituionaire : Nonsense! You're worth $2,000,000 now, and you were only worth $1,000,000 then “Yes $2,000,000 is now!" I'm poorer now than I was But $1,000,000 was a bigger fortune then than W* take the following from the New Vork Tribune FORECAST AND DESTINY. The Rev, G. L. Merriil, of St, Paul, Minn,, sees in automobiles the fulfilment of the prophecy of Nahum ii, 4 :** The chariots shall rage in the streets, they shall jostle one against another in the broad ways; they shall seem like torches, they shall run like the lightnings.” A reference to the chapter further discloses that in verse 8 there is also a seeming allusion to these same chariots in the sentence : ‘* Stand, stand, shall they cry ; but none shall look back.” No better descrip- tion could be given of the conduct of the average chauffeur and his companions. By way of warning to our modern charioteers who “+ rage in the streets,” it may be well to quote the concluding verse of the chapter as foreshadowing the doom to which, if the Minnesota interpreter of prophecy is correct, the scorching chauffeurs may look forward : “ Behold, I am against thee, saith the Lord of Hosts, and I will buro her chariots in the smoke, and the sword shall devour thy young lions; and I will cut off thy prey from the earth, and the voice of thy messengers shall no more be heard,” comicbooks.com