Life — July 6, 1905 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AT THE RACE TRACK He thought he'd bet on Parlor Mateh, He had a system hatched To some meney, but he found That Parlor Match was scratched den Stream make a bet, Stream was very slow; He then selected Ge On which But G They His next was Bu believed The horse to be a “find”; But at the finish he, of course, Found Bustle was behi He tried once more on Shoen He thought the horse was But Shoemaker came last, of course. That was enough; he quit Kansas City SHERMAN'S WOUNDED SOLDIER. The late General Sherman was one of the men who haunted the cloakrooms of the House and Senate, hungry for a good story of any kind. It is needless to say that he himself contrib largely to the gen eral fund. One day he related the story of a soldier who had made a great ado concerning a slight wound. Me was brought before the general, m and going on like a man who was on the brink of the grave. Sherman had the bandages removed from the wound, and, ng at it in a skeptical manner, exclaimed, “Why, cai d, in his inimitable manner: they came d—n near missing you!"—Harper's I ptain, COOKING BY LINEAR MEASURE Dering bi cy to Washington to at tend the opening of the Fifty-eighth Congress, Repre- sentative im” Sullivan of New York desired the usky attendant in the buffet car to fetch him some soft-boiled eggs. When they were t . the New York man at ‘once perceived that the eggs were very much under- done, “What time are we making on this train? asked he of the attendant, ‘About fifty miles an hour, sir,” was the reply. “Then,” quietly observed Sullivan, “if you will boil these eggs another mile, they'll be all right."— Collier's Weekly. recent journ: Live is published every Thursda foreign countries in the Postal Union, 10 cents. Back numbers, after three m Live is for sale by all Newsdealers in G: WILSON WHISKEY $5.00 a year 1.08.a year extra. Single current copies, aths from date of publication, 2 cents eat Britain, The International News Company, Bream's Building, Chancery Lane, London, E. C., England, AGeNTs. JUSTIFIABLE DISCRETION Mr. Timothy Woodruff says that in a town “up the State” there are two Irishmen who for some time have been on bad terms with each other. ago Flat friends, nothing else than a So they urged upon hi ‘ot long insult from the other heman. the desirability of vindicating his honor by promptly chastising his ancient i appear that Fla some prudence, for, said he ‘he’s more Look at the of him! The m “Very well,” responded a friend, disgusted by Flaherty’s exhibiti weakness, “lave him go— that is, if you're wantin’ people goin’ about sayin’ that you're a coward. “Well, I dunno,’ responded Flaherty, placidly: “At any rate, I'd rayther have thim sayin’ that than the day afther Flaherty looks!" But it we morrow exclaimin’, ‘How natural Collier's Weekly. RUNNING ACROSS AN OLD FRIEND IN A STRANGE PLACE, PERORATION. A somewhat unusual justice of the peace in a New Hampshire town was called upon to perform his fi jage ceremony Miter he had the knot safely tied, the young couple continued to stand be- before him, as if expecting some further rite. Where upon the justice stammered out, in a desperate at tempt to round off the ceremony with something of a s tur “There, there, it’s all over; go and more!"—The Independent. Postage to No contribution dressed envelope. advance. will be Hunter Whiskey | ipt notification should be sent by subscribers of any change of address THE EPIGRAMMATIST. he the road to wealth, but no one economy alone. simply an autopsy on poor little Cupid's Wealth is 1 costly ch The worst emancipated from tyranny. The man who joins a church to secure the patronage of its members is grand marshal in the ade of hypocrites. more an evidence of refinement tha ¢ of their congregations’ piety tyrants are those who have rehes a} eauty when unadorned is all right in scums, but no woman was ever made ugly by a gown, A woman to be perfectly happy must feel she has had something to do with reforming the Mogosine, AN ANTI-EXPANSIONIST. A Virginia mountaineer who had strayed to Rich: mond on an excursion, and who, as his holiday pro: gressed, became rather hilarious, grew overconfident of his own greatness. Looking round at his panions, says the Baltimore Sun, he boasted vainly “Gentlemen,” he said, “I kin lick any man Richmond. No one offered to dispute the assertion, tried again. “Gentlemen,” he said, “I kin lick any man in the whole State of Virginny.” The words were hardly out of his mouth bef tall, sinewy man from his own part of the St tered the game and gave the boaster a good thrashing The mountaineer had a sense of humor. Ie slowly picked himself up and faced the group which he had boasted. “Gentlemen,” he said, “I am now ready acknowledge that I kivvered too much territory ir that last statement.” ANNOUNCEMENT. pecting guests toa dinner, the host gave ir structions to his negro servant to announce distinctly the names of the guests as they came. The first ar rivals were Mr. and Mrs. Fitzgerald and family « eight. The servant began: “Mr. Fitzgerald, Mrs Fitzgerald, Miss Fitzgerald, Mr. Frederick Fitzger ald,” and so on till he had announced all the name wher ¢ host went up to him and told him try and announce them in a shorter way if possible The next to come were Mr., Mrs. and Miss Penny The servant was just about to announce them as be fore, when he remembered his master’s instructions so he e Smith's Magazine returned untets accompanied by stamped and ad- The illustrations in Lave are copyrighted, and are not to be reproduced, Every Sideboard Needs It Every Buyer Likes It Every User Is Satisfied That’s All! WM, LANAHAN & SON, Raltimore, Md. Portland, Oregon—tin Four Days from New York or Boston—By New York Central. , comicbooks.com