Life, 1905-07-06 · page 25 of 44
Life — July 6, 1905 — page 25: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains satirical commentary on American social and political issues circa early 20th century: **"The Hitch"** is a poem mocking government overreach and moral policing—criticizing state surveillance ("State-paid spies") and enforced virtue through regulation, then sarcastically asking who will watch the "pious masters" themselves. **"Degrees"** satirizes the devaluation of doctoral degrees, suggesting they're now given to practitioners and politicians rather than scholars. The author proposes renaming them based on their true purpose: LL.D. = "Dodger of Laws," D.D. = "Dodger of Doctrines," M.D. = "Dodger of Moneys." **"The Story of the Little Dog"** uses a dog's repeated escape as metaphor for how punishment without addressing root causes fails—the owner beats the dog for running away without making home pleasant. **"Unmade History"** imagines Japan forcing America to abandon protective tariffs, allowing cheap foreign goods to flood the market—satire of tariff debate and anxieties about foreign trade competition. The cartoon panels illustrate these vignettes with period-appropriate illustrations.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
4 1 I TOOK A MANSOM AND DROVE AROUND TOWN THINK= E SITUATION, AND FINALLY DROPPED INTO— ING OVER T The Hitch. TOP every sot from swigging rum; Stop every schoolgin!’s chewing gum Compel us all by State-paid spies To cross our t's and dot our i's ; But when you thus by gush and spying, Rant, cant, hypocrisy, and lyi Have made us virtuous, true-blu Our pious masters—who'll watch you ? Degrees. HIE former significance of the doctoral degree is largely through the custom of bestowing it upon prac- joners rather than teache: There are no doctors, any se. Perhaps it were not amiss to sug- : by which the modern sense may be cient form and los| t moze, in the old sen gest, however, a retained, without losing altogether the a sound, thus LL.D. (for lawyers) —Dodger of Laws. D. D. (for theologi M.D. (for phy: In some cases, possit need be conferred in a Pickw degree of LL.D. is now confer 1s) —Dodger of Doctrines ins)—Dodger of Moneys. y, the last named degree would ian sense, somewhat as the red upon statesmen The Story of the Little Dog. HERE was a little dog who ran away. “What do you do that for?" asked his owner. “Because you don’t make home pleasant for me," re- plied the little dog. And so his owner beat him once again, this time within an inch of his life “But the astonishing thing about it,” said the owner, afterwards, “is that that little dog—he run away ag'in!" SO Oae 5—A VAUDEVILLE SHOW WHERE, OF COURSE, 1 HAD TO STANH UP, WHICH INTERFERED WITH SOME PEOPLE IN THE BaLcon AND NINE USHERS TRIED TO PERSUADE ME TO LEAVE, WHEN— eT 6—1 WOKE UP AND FOUND I HAD BEEN DREAMING THAT 1 HAD TAKEN AN OVERDOSE OF DR. YANKEM'S “WHY BE SHORT” MEDI- CINF—I' GOING TO QUIT READING ADS IN THE BACK OF THE MAGAZINES, Unmade History. HE ending of the Protective Tariff was dramatic. One day a fleet of Japanese warships appeared in New York harbor. “ We've come,” shouted the Admiral in command, “to open your country to the civilized world!" From that time forward, Americans had no more to pay than anybody else for goods made in their own country comicbooks.com