Life — July 6, 1905 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

International. ACH nation vaunts ¢ crudity, E And thinks it aristocracy. The Frenchman flaunts his nudity ; The axon his hypocrisy, Answer. e HAT are you doing for your baby?" The young married man did not re- ply. Instead, he put his hand in bis pocket and presented the following : A CARD. In answer to the question as to what we are doing for our baby, we would say that up to date we have fed him on_ sterilized, un- sterilized pasteurized cow's, goat condensed peptonized and modi- ied milk, We have rocked him to cp, sung him to sleep, and let him howl himself to sleep. We have dosed him with hot water, peppermint, ipecac and soothing syrup. We have rubbed him with goose oil, olive oil and cod-liver oil, We have patted him on his stomach to the tune of * John Brown's Body."’ We have shaken a rattle before his face for three- quarters of an hour, We have given him mental treatment, vi- bration treatment, and turned red, blue and green thought on bim for hours. We are here to take orders and advice from everybody, and if you have the slightest thing to | suggest that we have not already done to that baby, do not tell us, We may forget it. But write it down, and send it along at the earliest possible moment. Yours respectfully, The Baby's Parents. Not Particular. HY don’t you get married, Bob?" “Why, who would marry such a rake as 1?" “I think Dolly would — she was brought up in a convent, you know! all is lost, s: honor. THE DAY HE CELEBRATED. THEY WERE SO QUIET, Jaggs) THAW ALL ® D AND TEMPERATE Proverbial Patriotism. CCIDENTS will happen in the best regulated fireworks A shot in the hand is worth two in the gun. A little burning is a dangerous thing, He who shoots and ruins away may live to shoot another day. Never look a gift cannon in the mouth A penny Cannon ers aved is two burned. kers alter faces. One good burn deserves another. Patriotism covers a multitude of sins. Whosoever thy hand findeth to shoot, shoot with thy might. It's an ill bomb that blows up no- body good It's a e father that knows own child—the day after. Une: lies the head that wears bandage: A living boy is better than a dead jot. Never put off till to-morrow what you can't fire to-night. pa h-Brown-Jones Jaca: MY THREE POOR, LATE 4) ME DEAR, ITHICTAM THE GLORIOUSH FOURTH. IANDS WERE SO DIVPERENT To YOU. Celebration is the thief of time: All's not cold that smoulders. A good aim is rather to be chosen than great stitches Insurance is the best policy. A new bomb sweeps clean. Dead boys tell no tales, Carolyn Wells. A Seeker After Truth. if the kittens really " M* MA mu MT ask the Baptist minister to do it?" ne drowned, sha Pa’s Mistake. RATE FATHER: Sce here, you young scoundrel, I heard you kiss- ing my daughter when I Frank Youtn: Pardon me, sir, your wife! Accounted For. “ T MISSED one of my chickens last night, neighbor.” “Indeed! She must have strayed over into your yard.” comicbooks.com