Life, 1905-07-06 · page 17 of 44
Life — July 6, 1905 — page 17: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two distinct satirical pieces from early 1900s *Life* magazine: ## "The Diary of a Toy Pistol" A first-person narrative from a toy firecracker criticizing Fourth of July celebrations. One neighbor refuses to let his children use firecrackers, arguing patriotism needn't involve "making as much noise as possible and running the superfluous risk of crippling your children for life." The toy pistol accidentally blinds the boy using it, vindicating the cautious father's position. The satire targets American enthusiasm for noisy Independence Day celebrations despite obvious child safety hazards—a genuine concern in an era before modern consumer safety regulations. ## "Tariff à la Mode" (top cartoon) A fashion designer shows a woman sketched designs while gesturing dismissively. The caption references raising "fullness" to relieve the "heavy look" of the Panama (likely the Panama hat, fashionable then). This appears to mock either fashion industry pretension or possibly tariff policy affecting imported goods, though the exact political reference is unclear. ## "Usual" (brief dialogue) A dark joke: two chauffeurs discuss a death being "accidental" versus "natural"—implying chauffeurs cause deaths so regularly that distinguishing the cause seems absurd.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Artist in Effects > 1 The Diary of a Toy Pistol. IRST, Well, I've got a job at last. This morning I was lying onthe counter with a bunch of others, when a boy and his father came in. The moment the boy saw me he wanted me. His father made a feeble pro- test, but it didn’t work. So here I am with ten dollars’ worth of other explosives, at home and ready for business Second. To-day a friend of the family came in. He lives next door, He saw me and the rest of the thingsin a box and looked solemn, but he had sense enough to keep his mouth shut, Finally my boy’s father said : * Going to celebrate this year ?” + No," said the other man, ‘I've persuaded my children there isn’t anything in it."* “ What did you do that for?” “Well, I believe there are lots of other ways of expressing your patriotism besides making as much noise as possible and running the su- perfluous risk of crippling your children for life.” WEILL RAISE THE FULLNESS AS I TARIFF X LA MODE. DEMAND A CHANGE OF STYLE. “« But the children ought to have some fun.” “Well, they can have it in other ways—but don’t let me obtrude my notions on you.” And he went away. What a crank he is! After he had gon boy's father had a good laugh. “A said, “boys shouldn't have their fun.” Third, My boy’s father isa sport, all right, He means us all to have a good time on the Fourth. I'm keeping company with a thou- sand or more crackers, ready to go off at a moment's notice, My boy can’t wait to get at me. In fact, he began firing me to-day. Fourth, Bang! bang! bang! That's the way I still feel, though I've been at it all day. We were up this morning at four o'clock. Talk about noise! You never heard anything like it. Everything was all right until five o'clock. I don't know how I did it, but I did, The boy was examining meclosely to see what was the matter with me, I'd been worked so hard that Iwas tired. Suddenly, however, I took a notion to go off, It was just like sneezing when you can't help it, Well, they OAS IT WILL GO. THAT WILL RRUIEVK THK HEAVY LOOX OF THOC PANAMA, THE PURLIC sent for the doctor and he said he thought he might save one eye. My boy's father was all broken up. I guess they won't use me again in a hurry. As for the man next door, he was having a quiet picnic with his kids when the thing hap- pened. He came over afterwards and- shook my father by the hand. You were right,” said my boy's father. But the other man didn’t rub it in, Well, I suppose I'm to blame. But it wasn’t my fault, It’s hereditary. 1 can’t help it if I'm peculiar. Besides, even if the boy didn’t know any better, his father should, Good by! I'm off to the scrap-heap. No more glorious Fouiths for me. Or for the boy, either! bo Usual. IRST CHAUFFEUR: His death was accidental, wasn't it? Seconp Cuaurreur : Yes—natural, comicbooks.com