Life, 1905-06-01 · page 22 of 52
Life — June 1, 1905 — page 22: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page satirizes J.P. Haines, apparently an administrator of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to animals (S.P.C.), through a poem by Wallace Irwin. The satire attacks Haines as an autocrat who prioritizes bureaucratic expense and his own salary over actual animal welfare. The poet mocks that while animals suffer, the S.P.C. wastes resources on an expensive building, architect fees, and staff salaries—leaving little for actual animal care. Citizens seeking help are dismissed with red tape. The phrase "the rich Preventer who doesn't Prevent" captures the core critique: the organization exists in name only, serving administrative interests rather than animals. The page also includes commentary on wages and tariffs, and humorous dialogues about ancestry and animal behavior, typical of *Life* magazine's satirical format.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
J. P. H. of the S. P. C. + A highly practical Czar is he s he sits in state in the splendid glooms Of the great Society's office rooms ; J P, HAINES of the S. P. C. For what is the life of a dog or cat 7 Torthe great repose of an Autocrat ? <2, And what is the pain of a horse or mule ves EI=D To a fierce Imperator born to rule? fa \ And wise is the citizen who refrains >) If a spaniel starves in a vacant lot, From bringing annoyance to J. P, Haines. Ora horse requires to be nursed or shot, Don't go around with your foolish plea To the marble halls of the S. P. C., Where the red tape whirrs and the red seal reigns, And the clerks are busy with J. P, Haines. ‘Though Brutes may suffer, you must reflect ‘The Society pays for its Architect ; That the building’s run at a great expense; That fees and salaries are immense, And hence small balance of cash remains To the poor, dumb foundlings of J. P. Haines. If I were a dog on the world cast wide, I'd seek a merciful suicide Rather than roffle the deep content Of the rich Preventer who doesn’t Prevent, So long as the balance of power remains In the hands of magnificent John P, Haines. Wallace Irwin. Wages. R. J. J. HILL'S intima- tion that our wages have got to come down, if we are to keep up with the procession commercially, is no doubt _ amply justified. But what is to be done? Everybody knows what itis that keeps wages up. It’s the protective tariff. Who can doubt this, after hearing the Collective Wisdom of the Republican Party solemnly confess, out of the mouths of its duly constituted and author- ized committees on resolutions, that such is indeed the fact ? And dare anyone lay impious hand on the tariff for its amendment? Certainly not while the tragic fate of the Iowa idea is fresh in the public recollection. Of course wages are simply a fright in this country. Within ten years, the wages of sin have gone up from death to chronic indigestion, and are still soaring, and they afford only one instance out of many quite as striking. With a zeal that is characteristically blind, we continue to overdo the business of keeping body and soul together, all along the line, but particularly in the department of unskilled labor. We insist on too much soul. The same amount of body and * half the amount of soul would answer every proper purpose, and could be kept together at a quarter (estimated ) of the expense. They order these things better in England, where the laboring classes confine themselves, generally, to about as much soul as will be content with meat and potatoes once a week. A FOXY REJOINOER. Leopard ¢ 17'S A DESPICABLE THING TO ROB A CHICKEN ROOST, Reynard: OMt COME OFF. YOU'RE NOT SPOTLESS. The Laughing Hyena: mat mat nal A Horrible Life. EROME: How do you feel about ancestors ? Jerry: I hate ‘em; my frivolous French grandfather keeps leading me on, and my steady Dutch grandfather keeps holding me in. comicbooks erry