Life, 1905-06-01 · page 20 of 52
Life — June 1, 1905 — page 20: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century American humor: **"Professor Triggs"** mocks an academic at what appears to be a prestigious institution (possibly University of Chicago). The satire suggests he's an incompetent scholar—ignorant of major literary works despite his position—whose only claim to fame derives from his baby's name, implying his actual contributions to learning are negligible. **"An Education in Explosives"** by Wallace Irwin ironically advocates giving children dangerous weapons and explosives as Fourth of July toys. It's dark satire about America's casual acceptance of children's fireworks injuries (the poem references a child losing an ear), treating preventable tragedy as inevitable and patriotic. **"Sonnets of Schooldays"** parodies romantic poetry through deliberate misspelling and broken grammar, mocking sentimental love sonnets while depicting a young woman's resignation to domestic servitude and cooking. The page's illustrations—including silhouettes of animals and simple line drawings—complement these verbal jokes aimed at educated readers recognizing literary and social pretension.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Professor Triggs. HICAGO is a city Of politics and pigs ; It also boasts the witty And wise Professor Triggs, A critic most discerning In Rockefeller’s School, Who holds a chair of Learning,— Or a stool. Of Shakespeare,—quite a student As some professors £0, But it is most imprudent To ask of Romeo; Of Whittier’s Maud Muller” He nothing knows at once, And Longfellow is duller Than a dunce. Of Whitman, the gymnastic, This most amusing man Is quite enthusiastic And quotes him—when he can: A great Professor—maybe, But still his chiefest fame Was brought him by his Baby And its name. He may approve the Bible,— At least, we hope he may,— In his late suit for Libel We did not hear him say : No doubt he would forget it As commonplace and flat. He's a Professor, Let it Go at that! Felix Carmen, The Real Thing. ADYS : Is he a hustler ? Etner: Well, hemet meon Mon- day, looked pa up in Bradstreet's on ‘Tuesday, and proposed on Wednesday! Frenchy: 1 DIDN'T: KNOW GERMAl Puggy? RATHER! MY GRANDMOTHER WAS A FRANKFURTER, YOU SPOKE a ol Oe Ao Education in Explosives. IVE Willie firecrackers ? Certainly, man ! Bring up the lad on a civilized plan ; Let him have hand-grenades, pistols, long- Toms, Shimose powder and dynamite bombs, Field pieces, shrapnel and modern carbines, Magazine rifles, infernal machines, Give him the tools of a Terrorist spy— Then he'll be fixed for the Fourth of July. Willie's been poorly equipped in the past ; He was just modestly dangerous last Fourth of July—you remember, the dear, How he just managed to blow off one ear, Pulling bis grandfather's arm from the socket Setting the stable on fire with a rocket— If you but give him a decent chance, why He'l! do his duty nex? Fourth of July! Willie's a bright little fellow, I'm sure. All that he needs is a chance to mature ; Genius for murder will never expand Shooting off baby torpedoes by hand. If it’s a patriot’s duty to shake Nature to pieces, then come, let 'er quake ! Give little Willie the proper supply And Ae'll be heard from next Fourth of July. Wallace Irwin, Sonnets of Schooldays. SONNET OF THE SACRIFICE OF LOVE, UV sutch uz hurs wil neavur neavur di Shee neavur maid a donut ura pi butt shee kann lurn ann wott shee duzent no wil bee awlrite bevaws I luv hur so. wott iff we hafftoo hy on kannd baikd beens ann botten yinyer cookeys ann sardeens mi hart wil fest uppon mi luv ann wenn Mi apetight getts down too wurk agen shee wil hav lurnd too cook ann awl be wel Ann brite ann happie uz.a marridge bel. O mitey luv bi wich too soles are ledd too happienes wile eten baykers bredd ann byen furnichoor uz besst thay kann Too fil thare hoam onn thee instalmunt plan. wott diffruns iff thee cooken stoay doant draw u onley hafftoo ast ure mothernlaw too kum ann help u ann shee kums ann bringgs - sum hoammaid bredd ann pize ann uther thinggs Ann fires thee hird gurl ann sez sheel stay untill u reely want hur to go way. thenn wile hur muthers getten thinggs too ete sheel sitt inn thee frunt parler looken swete Ann dooen fansy wurk ann awl day long weel sitt like burds ann burst owt intoo song. shee sez sheez not afrade uv beein poor iff shee has lotts uv cloze, ann sheel endoor wott ever forchun bringgs iff i doant look fore hur too doo thee howswurk ann too cook. How cood i help butt luven hur wenn shee is reddy to lay down hur life fore mee ! 7. W. Foley. ae J dalbyes He: CAN'T YOU GIVE ME A LITTLE HOPE ? je: WHYER-VES, TP HAVEA MAIDEN AUNT WHO IS DYING TO GET MARRIED, comicbooks. Senn