Life, 1905-06-01 · page 18 of 52
Life — June 1, 1905 — page 18: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a satirical short story by Tom Masson (not a political cartoon) about a man named Whittler who comes home to find a mysterious stylish woman claiming to be his wife—replacing his actual wife entirely. The satire targets **marital dissatisfaction and male fantasy**. Whittler had mentally complained about his real wife during his commute, admiring an attractive woman in a car instead. The story plays with the absurd premise that a "syndicate" exists to replace wives for unhappy husbands, exploiting the fantasy of consequence-free infidelity or escape from marriage. The humor comes from the woman reading Whittler's mind and revealing his shallow, wandering desires—he chose based on appearance and a momentary attraction. The story satirizes both male fickleness and the commercialization of romance, treating marriage as a replaceable commodity. It's a critique of men who take their spouses for granted while fantasizing about younger, more stylish alternatives.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
PE The Woman of His Choice. HITTLER let himself in me- chanically with his latch-key, hung up his hat and coat in the closet under the stairs and walked soberly up to the second floor, He re- membered _after- wards that he was wondering at this particular moment just what there would be for dinner, and just how much he would \ enjoy it. \ On the land- ing in the hall above, he was con- fronted by a tall young woman, very trim and very stylish. It took only one glance to see that she was pretty. “Who are you ?”’ asked Whittler. “T'm your wife. “My wife! Why, I never saw you before." Whittler began to wonder whether he was alive or not. “Oh, yes, you have seen me before. It's all right. Come in here and sit down and we'll talk it over.” Whittler looked at her again. Yes—he had scen her before, but to save his life he couldn't remember where. He felt that there was some- thing wrong. Perhaps he was being buncoed. Perhaps this person was a female burglar in disguise. Perh she had escaped from some asylum. He would be careful. He wouldn't irritate her. He smiled. “Ah, yes,” he replied, ‘certainly. Excuse me a moment. I just want to go in here and brush my hair.”" said thelady. ‘I know By all means do it. I've got all By Tom Masson. the time in the world. Look around and see if you can find her.” Whittler, although startled to think that the lady had guessed his very thought, lost no time in following out his impulse. If he could only find his real wife, she would explain. He passed on rapidly through her dress- ing-room. Not there. Then in through the other bedrooms in rapid succes- sion, Not there. Then he started at the attic and went over the entire house down to the cellar, Not there. Well, he thought, his wife had stepped out somewhere. Doubtless she would be back presently and explain all, In the meantime he would seck his new guest. He found her standing in the hall waiting for him. “Well,” she said pleasantly, “ you didn’t find her, did you ?"” 0.” “Nor you won't. She’s gone for good. I'm in her place.” “Who are you?" “ Your wife, of course. The lady of your choice.”” “ My choice ?” “Certainly. You had your pick out of all the other women you saw and you chose me." “Did 1? When?” “Yesterday morning. Don't you remember ? I'm the girl in the car.”” Whittler passed his hand across his brow. He had seen her before. Yes, he remembered it all. “So you are,” he ejaculated.‘ Of course I remember you. But how in the world did you come to be my wife?" “Because you wanted me to. Do you recall what you were thinking of when I got in? Be honest now.”” yes. Iwas thinking of—of ctly. You'd had some trouble with her, hadn't you? Just before you left home—words.”” “And you were reflecting that she wasn’t much good, anywa “Sol How do you know ?” *Oh, I'm a mind reader. Well, you were kind of sore about your wife. Don't you know you were ? You thought sadly that she was get- ting passé. She hadn’t been up to the mark, and then, suddenly, while you were thinking how disappointed you were in her, you happened to look up across the car and you saw me.” “SoIdid. I remember it perfectly. Let me go on. I saw how pretty you were, how beautifully gowned you were, and I said to myself : ‘ By Jove, there's a girl I wish I had for a wife.’ Didn't 1?” “You most certainly did here Iam.” “But I don’t understand how the thing is done.” ‘Don’t bother about that. a syndicate.” syndicate ?" “Yes. A syndicate for the renew- ing of wives by discontented husbands. It’s the latest thing. The idea is to promote the happiness of all man- kind.” “ But where's my other wife ?”” “Oh, she’s all right. You sce, she was getting along in years, anyway. So the syndicate turned her over to a rich old duffer who cared for little else than a good housekeeper. She has a good home. Don't you wor her. Think of me.” Whittler gasped. “ Well,” he laimed, “ this is cer tainly sublime. I suppose I must accommodate myself to the change. By the way, how’s dinner ?”” His new wife smiled. “Let’s go down and see. cook?” “Well, I suppose so. ask?” “Well, you sce, when I came the servants all left.”” “What! Why, they’ve been with me for a long time.” “T know it, But I had some words with them—and one thing led to an- other and I told them to get out. No impudence for me.” ~ “ Perhaps if you had been careful of And It was Can you Why do you comicbooks.