Life — February 2, 1905 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Copper. HE air of Ame: Streets, the a, the atmosphere of the my ozone of office and market, the breathing space of editorial dens, the advertising and misleading columns of papers, the mouths of ministers and the ears of patri but copper are all now full of copper—nothing American has a soul sensi- tive t inerals. Some races rage over liberty ; nations war for commerce and tribes for territory ; but the American is the only one who loses temper and sleep over minerals. Yesterday, gold and silv made countless thousands roar ; later, the fate of pig-iron shook the Republic; again men trembled for Freedom when steel w mentioned ; and time was when the fate o administrations hung on the verdict of tin. Now the metal of the hour is copper. There others in what the pragmatic press three classes of copper, each different from the gent would term con- First is the Copper of Politics, which is amiable, condescending and Irish, with temporaneous human intere: a large percentage of mettle init; sec nd is the Copper of Commerce, which is real, actual, salable and all metal; and third is the Copper ef Finance, which is papery, peppery, delusive, utterly devoid of ungible, stocky, marketable and tal, a b and unwise dog saw reflected in the water, The Copper Politics, hf valuable commer! pick such as the greedy of nd in vast lodes in New York, is not lly ; the Copper of Cc h about twelve cents a pound; and the Copper of Finance, while worth about three cents a ton to the sucker, is a gold m merce is w ne to the piow Whileth and hallowed is that one whose high priest is Rockefeller, nd patriotic promoter of its fortunes. “inance, th ost sacred reare many Coppers whose guardian is the Jolly Rogers, and whose barker is Tor malgamated C Once upon a time Amalgam Lawson—/ ted Co} hments, law per was a loose collection of mines, ¢ mort- ms, atta ’ gages and injunctions, and its weary owner, tired of walking m, Heinze, litigation, Montana judges s of trouble, offered the job lot to Rockefeller 1 outraged John D. said, insanity. Am I a collector delegates, and other f for ten m “Sir, this of brown p: ions, The shocked is either extortion ‘ou are set of 1897, I'll trade ; er bundles, a Cassie Chadwick or a Ca that you should make such a proposition tome? If will ng to accept $48,167.49 and a x otherwise, I may call the police.” John D. fc his offer, and he re: nted when the discouraged owner snapped up ized too late the folly of reckless bidding. Calling his friends Rogers and Lawson to him he led inte Baptist basement, and drawing the blinds, he said, amoral to. re n pe in equitable valuation “Here is a good thing; but it would be termelon unless the comm ple w nize this wi givenachanceatit. The question o! has troubled me. I have prayed over it, and though *LDPE« I paid fifty millions for it, I fear I buncoed the seller. Conscience doth make cowards of us all. My partiality for water, as a consistent Baptist, leads me to ask you to make a valuation for stock purposes. I not do it.” “As Christian gentlemen,” said Henry Rogers, gently, “*we must safeguard the interests of the widow and orphan. While doubtless worth one hundred millions, I will never consent to a capitalization of more than seventy-five. Duty before riches has ever been the guiding star of my well- lived life. “ Boys,"’ murmured Tom Lawson, ‘as you know, there is poetry in my system, and sentiment and a love of literary values, though I hate publicity. In memory of the happy days when I stood behind a bargain counter, let us make it seventy-five millions and forty-nine cents, The grand old American investor—our perennial friend, the sucker—has a sentimental passion for a job lotand bargain-counter prices ; and the forty-nine cents will bea guaranty of our good faith nd our fidelity to religion and tradition, Are you on?” “ Always the poet and dreamer,” said John D., with a sad smile. “A man of heart and feeling: motion, “I bow te remarked Rogers, with our sentiment against my business judgment. ‘The forty-nine goes ; though I favor conserv- atism which begets confidence. Never overdo things. Ten inches to the foot and three quarts to the gallon has always been my rule.” “Well, my Christian brethren,” said Tom, briskly, do we divey ?” “As an expert in division and separation,” Mr. Rogers went on, 1 would sugyest we laborers are worthy of our hire. ‘Twenty-five millions go to John D. for his name and religious reputation ; my influence with the banks is worth another twenty-five; your winning ways with the sucker, Tom, ought to be worth fifteen; and that leaves ten mil- lions for sundries and lawyers, and forty-nine cents for a 1. That occurs to me as a fair division of “how working capita the watermelon.”" Fs The friends separated ; Lawson and Rogers for Boston, John D. for prayer meeting. It is alleged that poor Tom was swindled, and only got ten millions, hardly enough to pay for advertising ; and this treachery made him despondent, and he lost faith in The stroke of the serpent's tooth hurt the buoyant heart, and the suckers were f Then the militant literary spirit in the man was roused ; the outraged advertising lion woke, and Lawson went aft the traitors with a pail of ink and a virile pen. In the hands of men entirely grateful the pen is mightier than the sore head; and soon Copper, the American idol, had the appearance of a Russian battleship after an Oriental ex- change of compliments. Copper is dethroned and is now on the broad path that the three musketeers of finance cents in is standing around wait- ing for the psye a he will be called in to collect the pieces and keep the peace. Joseph Smith, his fellow whting for the stock. leads to the junk-shop; speak no more forever ; the system looks like thirty coppers; and the Copper of Politic Nogical moment w ener comicbooks.com