Life — December 15, 1904 — page 38: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SCIENCE FOR THE YOUAG Thoughtful little Willie Frazer Carved his name with father's razor; Father, unaware of trouble, Used the blade to shave his stubble Father cut himself severely Which pleased little Willie dearly— “I have fixed my father's razor So it cuts!” said Willie Frazer Mamie often wondered why Acids trouble alkali— Mamie, in a manner placid, Fed the cat b Whereupon th acie acid, grew frantic, Exeeuting many an antic “Ah!” cried Mamie, overjoyed, Pussy is an alkaloid!” Arthur with a lighted taper Touched the fire to grandpa’s paper. Grandpa leaped a foot or higher, Dropped the sheet, and shouted “Fire!” Arthur, wrapped in contemplation, Viewed this scene of conflagration “This,” he said, “confirms my notion— Heat creates both light and motion.” Wee, experimental Nina Dropped her mother’s Dresden china From a seventh-story casement, mashing, crashing to the basement, ina, somewhat apprehensive, Said: “This china is expensive, Yet it proves by demonstration Newton's law of gravitation.” —Wellace Irwin, in Saturday Evening Post. THE TRAILER We have listened to the rustle + Of the home-made paper bustle, And the leg-omutton sleeves have caught our eye; We have side-stepped crinoline, And enraptured we have seen The rainy-daisy skirts parading by. We admit we have a passion Just to watch the frills of fashioi Fair woman's many shifts from toe to crown; But the thing that plays the deuce is This last freak that bars excuses— The leg-o’-mutton sleeve turned upside down! Houston Post A covoreo Virgini: her announced one Sun- “Breddern an’ sistern, I shall discourse dis mornin’ on de power of de miracle, an’ I am gwine ter take as example de chillern of Isracl a crossin’ of de Red Sea. Der wus Moses on de brink of de sea, an’ right behin' him wus de army of Phar'oh. An’ all at once’st, breddern, de sea froze sa rock, an’ de chillern an’ Moses across, In the were and whose day morning: over es 1 walked young congregation some grocs who had been to college, THIS GENTLEMAN SAID, “1AM. LOSING MUCH VALUAMLE TIME IN PERUSING THIS BOOK, 1 REGRET THAT IT'S NOT FINISHED YET, YOR IT ISN'T THE LRAST BIT AMUSIN orthodoxy had been slightly warped. One of them arose, and said: “Why, parson, that can't be possible, ‘cause the geographies tell us that water don't freeze at the equator." The old man hesitated a moment, and then replied, scornfully: “I jest knowed one of you young niggers wus gwine ter dispute de work of de Lawd. Young man, when de Red Sea froze der warn't no geography, and der warn't no equator.” Irgonaut. WILSON WHISKEY That’s All! THE CAPTURE OF DEWEY. ApiraL Dewey's peace of mind has been greatly disturbed lately by “sight-seeing automobiles,” cach carrying thirty or forty people, which stop in front of his three times a day in the effort to get a glimpse of the Admiral or Mrs. Dewey. Even more annoying than the stare of forty pairs of eyes is the witticism of the guide, who shouts through the mega phone in a voice that can be heard a block away “The red house to your right—given by the American people to Admiral Dewey, who destroyed the Spanish flect in Manila Bay and came to Wash ington to be captured by a lone woman."—Saturdey Evening Post. He was ten years old, and when he slipped out ut the house at daylight he left a note for saying he was going West to fight Indians. A dis couraging combination which hunger, weariness and fear all played a part, made him k better of it, and he returned to the parental roof at 9:30 P.M. He was not received with open arms. Indeed, the family met with coldness, The clock ticked, his father’s newspaper rattled, his big sister studied obtrusively; even his mother didn’t seem to care whether he came back or not. Nicodemus, the cat, not being in the sceret, row and rubbed his soft side caressingly again: prit's leg. He stooped to pet him, and then, with last desperate attempt to start the ball of converssties, he demanded, homesickly: “Is this the same old at you had when I went away?"—Argonaut. smother of circumstances, i the cul: WHAT HE 01D. Brows: Still troubled with rheumatism? Gneex: Yes. “Why don't you go to that doctor who adve to heal by touch?” “I did. “Did he do you any good?" “Ol, yes; he did me—and he did me good. He touched me for $25 and thereby heeled himself.”— Chicago News. “Wao is that man walking up and down the corr dor, with frowning brow and shoulders weighted with the heavy burden of legislation? Some distinguished statesman, no doubt.” “That, my dear sir, is the assistant secretary and stenographic clerk of the new congressman from Ab: bama.""—Cincinnati Commercial-Tribune, AFTER THE WAKE. Mrs. Cassipy: ‘Twas very natural he looked. Mus, Casny: Ayet shure he looked fur all the wurld loike a loive man layin’ there dead.—Illustrated Bits. # is for sale by all Newsdealers in Great Britain. The International News Company, Bream's Building, Chancery Lane, London, E. C., England, AGENTS. Perfection In Quality, Purity, Flavor Hunter Whiskey Sold at all rt-clae cates and by Jobers HAN & SON, Baltimore, Md. New York Central’s Grand Central Station, CENTER OF THE CITY OF NEW YORK. comicbooks.com