Life — November 10, 1904 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Sti PAT SCISSORS AvT NvLLv WHEN MR. STEFFENS CAME Us people here in Bowersville take all the magazines, And some of us have figured out what Kipliny means— The womenfolks, that is, they have their literary club tat talks of latest stories and about the latest snub. But politics attracts us men, and we had dreams of fame And thoughts of notoriety when Mr. Steffens came. He dropped in quietly one day and stopped at the hotel He told the landiord that he liked the coffee very well; He praised the village pavements, and he asked Tom Jones, the clerk, About the cost of doing them, and who had done the wor He asked about a lot of folks, or spoke of them, at st. ‘The landlord came and whispered: “That is Steffens, from the East.” Jim Thomas, when ke heard of it, he took a mighty oath ‘That he could whip the m both!— And that if Steffens thor our town And ex-po-see our politics, we'd have to throw him down, Bill Isunter is the party boss, but he gave up the game J said he'd been called out of town, when Mr. Steffens came. zine, or Steffens—yes, or that he could stip into Well, this here Steffens loafed around the place a day or so, And always spoke right well of things; he said the place would grow, And that it showed its enterprise, had lots of go- ahead— Sam Wilkins, when he heard of this, looked mad and shook his head And said that if he wrote too much they'd write “the late deceased” Next time the papers printed “Mr. Steffens from the East.” On Monday Stefiens said he guessed he'd found the lay of things, And that he'd go to work that day—he'd have to pull some strings In order to get started right, and so he'd like to get The names of men of prominence besides the ones h met. The boarders at the table each put down his knife and fork And looked in dumbest wonderment at Steffens from New York. It wouldn't do, We didn’t want the name of Bowers- ville Mixed up with “Crime in Politics"; so Tom and me and Bill Went up to Steffens quietly, and said: mean To have you printing things on us in any magazine.” It only goes to show a man has got to live and learn “Why, boys,” says Steffens, “I came here to sell a patent churn.” IV, D.N., in Chicago Tribune. “Say, we don't iste ne ON A FLYING MACHINE, “Srimitvatisa,” said Governor Aycock, of North Carolina, “is a-marvelous thing. I used to know a widow who thought she would look into it a little. She visited a medium, and the man agreed for five dollars to give her some conversation with her dead husband. “Ile put the lights out and fell into a trance, and suddenly a dim, pale shape appeared in the farthest, blackest corner of the room, “‘Are you iy husband? widow whispered, tremulously. “I am John,’ a bass voice answered. “For a moment, awe-stricken, the widow was silent. Then she said: ““Do you forgive me for my ill treatment of you in life?’ Are you John?" the I forgive all,’ replied the voice. ‘Are you happicr than you were when you were living?" “*Much happier.” Have you no desire to return to earth?” ‘None whatever." Where are you, Jobn?* In Hades,’ said the spirit."—Cleveland Leader. FACTS THAT TELL. In the winter of 1895 and 1896 I worked on the railroad section three days a week for eight months, with a wife and one child to support, and at the end of that time I was $40 in debt. Since September, 1897, I have worked six days in the week. I now have three children, live better than I did then, and have a good little home nearly paid for.”—Working. man,” in the Indianapolis News. To the Editor: In 1895 I was a disconsolate old maid, with small prospects of future happiness. I am now a happy wife, with two of the dearest little boys naginable, whom I have named Teddy and Teaser, in honor of the man who docth things well. Yours, Amanda Schwab, née Smit To the Editor: When Cleveland was Preside 1 owed a neighbor $40, nor had the wherewith to pay. , Soon after the installation of Mr. Roosevelt my * creditor died, leaving no heirs. I am $4o better off than under a “soup-house" Democratic policy. Yours, P. Iker. To the Editor: In 1896 I was the father of two children, and was working at my trade, receiving $: a day. Now I have six children, and receive the same wages. Glory be! Yours, Tod Jinks. To the Editor: Under the administration of Grover Cleveland I was unable to carn three meals a day. Recently a rich uncle died and left me 3 small fortune, and I now have three me: with something good to wash them down. Roosevelt! Yours, 2 To the Editor: In 1895, at the age of cight, I was sweeping out a corner grocery at a dollar anda half a week. Under a Republican economic policy I have grown to seventeen, and receive $6 a week wages Need I say more? Yours, Willie Go. Rochester Herald, Mower: Have you informed Mr. Huggins of oy decision that the gas in the parlor must be turned ost promptly at ten o'clock ? Pretry Davcuter: Oh, yes! “* How did he receive the information?” “Oh, he thanked me, and said he'd be here at exactly three minutes to ten hereafter."—Harfer's Bazar. Live is for sale by all Newsdealers in Great Britain, The International News Company, Bream's Building, Chancery Lane, London, E. WILSON WHISKEY | England, AGENTS. and Patience the production of Hunter Whiskey is what develops its superior quality, ripe age and purity. Its exquisite flavor is a natural result. That’s All! * Sold at all Arst-class cafes and by jobbers, WM. LANAHAN & SON, Baltimore, Md, 20-Hour Train to Chicago. 20th CENTURY LIMITE NEW YORK CENTRAL and LAKE comicbooks.com