Life — August 11, 1904 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Last Wednesday afternoon a gray-bearded man on a bicycle, wheeling rapidly down Seventh Street, encountered a loaded wagon at the corner of Stark, The biker wanted to turn down Stark, and the teamster wanted to turn up Seventh. A collision resulted, from which the elderly biker escaped with astonishing agility. His wheel was less fortunate, “sustaining” a bent frame and a broken rim. The teamster had promptly brought his horses to a standstill, else it had gone worse for both bike and biker. “Dot vos too bad thetically, as the property from under the horse, “Too bad! Well, I should say so, but that don’t buy bicycles. Now what are you going to do about in? beer exclaimed the driver, sympa- wheelman gathered his damaged Vor vos I going to do aboud it?” repeated the driver in surprise. “Yes, were on the wrong side of the street. I was on the righthand side. If you'd been on the right-hand side, where the law says you be- long” — “Bud I vos on der same side mit you—if you n der right side, I vos too.” >, you wasn’t. Now I want you're going to do about this?” “Vot vos I goin’ to do"—the driver was now thoroughly roused—"I vill tell you—you chust go py hell und ged out oof my way. Ged-ap!"—Portland Oregonian. you vos to know what At the Republican State Convention in Sprinj field, II, Senator Cullom and Speaker Cannon tried to get a popular ruling as to which is the handsomer man. “If Thad a face like yours, Joe," said the Sen- ator, “I'd wear a veil or build a fence around it.” “And if I looked like you, Shelby,” replied Un- cle Joe, “I'd walk backward all the time. Your rear elevation isn't so bad, but the front fagade is a bad botch.”” “LI tell you, Joe, we'll leave it to this little girl. She docsn’t want any political job, and I guess she'll be honest,”” suggested Senator Cutlom. The little girl’s mother was with her. “Which do you think is the best looking, Dorothy?" asked the proud mother. The child looked at both out of bi and. said: best. frank eyes, “IT don’t like to say, mamma, which I like I might ‘fend Mr. Cannon."—Kansas City Star. Mr. Hittyer was a heavy sleeper. He was a man, also, with a chronic fear of burglars. It was these two things that led him to have the window of WHEN THE FLOWING TIDE COMES IN. his sleeping-room equipped with a burglar-alarm of the latest and most approved description. A few mornings after the device had been in- stalled he came down to breakfast with a grin on his face. “f had a funny dream last night," he said. “I dreamed that a burglar raised my the alarm went off, but’he didn’t seem to mind it. He rummaged the bureau drawers, found my watch and pocketbook, and slipped out the way he came in. By the way,” he added, “I forgot to bring down my watch and pocketbook. I'll go and get them." He went upstairs and returned in a moment with window and an entirely different look on his face. and pocketbook were gone. It —Youth's Companion. The watch d not been 2 dream, Last spring Governor Odell met an old friend of his up in Newburg, his home town, and immedi ately asked how he was getting along on the airship he had been working on for years. The inventor bad become disgusted with his mechanical progress, and when the Governor asked if the machine was a com. plete success, he replied: “Well, not quite yet. 1 have two things to accomplish before I can say that it is.” “What are they?” asked the Governor. “I have to find out how to get my machine up is the air and how to keep it there.""—drgon Hicks: I've got to borrow $200 somewhere. Wicks: Take my advice and borrow $300 while you are about it. “But I only need $200." “That doesn’t make any difference. Borrow $300 and pay back $100 of it in two installments at is tervals of a month or so. Then the man that yos borrow from will think that he is going to get the rest of it."—Somerville Journal. First Puysictan: the nick of time? Stcoxo Puysictay: Yes, in another twenty-foar hours the patient would have recovered without it— Harper's Bazar. So th: operation was jast ia Ax ordinary echo is a curious thing; but, acer ing to the statements of a Frenchman at a watericg place in the Pyrenees, one echo on the Franco-Pras sian frontier is far from ordinary. “As soon as yor have spoken,” said the Frenchman, who had secxrel an audience of wide-eyed tourists, “you bear dis tinetly the voice leap from rock to rock, from prec: pice to precipice, and as soon as it has passed te frontier it assumes the Spanish tongue!"—Argox “How long have you been married?” asked the prima donna, “Only six months this time," replied the beacti ful soubrette; “but putting them all together I so pose I've been a wife for three or four years # least."—Chicago Record-Herald. “Live is for sale by all Newsdealers in Great Britain, The International News Company, Bream's Building, Chancery Lane, London, E. C., England, AGENTS. WILSON | WHISKEY That’s All! “Mr. “Clever.” that one laughs at 75e. Tom Masson’s BOOK OF VERSE “In Merry Measure” “Just the mixture of satire and sentiment.”"— Newark News, Masson’s* verse is mensely entertaining.” —Ohio State Journal. —New York Evening Sun. “A veritable little gem.” —Newark Daily Advertiser, “A good book for the season— wind and weather."—Minneapolis Tribune. Life Publishing Company 17 W. 31st St., New York City Established 1860 Esterbrook’s Stee! Pens im- comicbooks.com