Life — July 14, 1904 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

COPYRIGHT FOR GREAT BRITAIN BY JAMES HENDERSON UNDER THE ACT OF 1801, pa Lalla dec Not the Same Kind. TH anxious mother rings up what she thinks is the day nursery to ask for some advice as to her child. She asks the cen- the nursery, and is given Mr. Gott- The tral for fried Gluber, the florist and tree dealer. following conversation ensues: “I called up the nursery. Is this the nurs- ery “Yes, ma’am.” “Iam so worried about my little Rose.” “Vat seems to be der madder?” “Oh, not so very much, perhaps, but just a listlessness and lack of life.” in'd growing righd, ch?" ‘No, sir.” I dell you vat you do. You dake der skissors und cut off apoud two inches vrom der limbs, und——” “Wha-a-at?” “I say, dake der skissors und cut off apoud two inches vrom der limbs, und den turn der garten hose on for apoud four hours in der morning——” “Wha-a-at ? “Turn der garten hose on for apoud four hours in der morning, und den pile a lot of lack dirt all around, und shpringle mit insegt powter all ofer der top——” 12” Shpringle mit insegt powter all ofer der top. You know usually id is noddings but pugs dot——” “How dare you? such language?” “Noddings but pugs dot chenerally causes der troubles; und den you vant to vash der rose mit a liguid breparations I haf for sale What do you mean by “Who in the world are you, anyway?” “Gottfried Gluber, der florist.” “Q-o-oh!” weakly. — “Good-by !"—Buffalo Express. WO old fellows in New Hampshire were the sharpest things in the way of bar- gaining. Cy Pettingill made brooms for a living and Ezra Hoskins kept a store. One day Cy came in with a load of brooms and the dickering began. Cy was a man who could see a bargain through a six-inch plank on a dark night, and Ezra could hear a dollar bill rattle in a bag of feathers a mile off. Well, they began, and their conversation was something like this: “Ezra, I want to sell you these brooms,” M right, Cy, I'll take them.” Cy said: “I don’t want any store bargains. I want cash for them.” ‘They talked and gadded a while, and then Ezra said: “I tell you what I'll do, Cy, I'll give you half cash and half trade.” Cy took a fresh chew of tobacco, pulled a straw out of one of the brooms, and said: “That'll be all right, Ezra.” After he had put the brooms in the store, Ezra said: “Here's your money, Cy, now what do you want in trade?” Cy looked around for a spell, cocked his up to the ceiling, stuck his cud in his cheek, and said: “Well, if it is all the same for you, Ezra, I'll take brooms.”—Columbia Record. HE killing of a brother man, even in bat~ tle, is a painful thing to remember. A soldier of the war thus vividly describes his first experience : “My first man I saw but twenty seconds, but I shall remember him forever. I was standing by my gun when a Confederate in- fantry soldier rushed up. “L whipped out my revolver and took him through the breast. He tossed up his arms, gave me the strangest look in the world, and fell forward upon his face. He had blue eyes, brown curling hair, a dark mustache and a handsome face. I though the instant I fired that I should have loved that man if I had known him. I tell you war is terrible business.”—Youth’s Companion. OF INSURANCE COMPANY OF AMERICA Jonn F. DRYDEN, President. Home Office, NEWARK, N. J. ‘Write for’ Particulars of Policies, Dept. O ne Billion Dollars LIFE INSURANCE IN FORCE IN HE PRUDENTIAL HAS THE 4 STRENGTH OF /{°) _ GIBRALTAR ‘i, comicbooks.com