Life — July 14, 1904 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

<Jy fH LOVE'S GARDEN. THz LOOMING OF THE BEES. Brains. RAINS, hitherto deemed desirable, are gradually coming into disrepute. The predominance of the Smart Set in our national life renders them almost wholly obsolete. If a minority of us can get along without stomachs, according to medical authori- ies, brains would seem to be de ¢rop, in the widest application of that generality. Brainsaresaid tosecrete thought, in itself a drawback to modern life. The brain makes for worry, which undermines our strength against disease and dissipation. A man who worries can smoke only fifteen cigarettes a day ; who does not worry, forty. Why, there- fore, be so obstinate in advocacy of the brain? Educational systems, so long cast in the shade by lack of funds, are now conducted entirely with- out brains, and are making more money than ever. We must expect that the brain will flicker on for some time to come, before it dies out entire! We cannot even hope for the millennium to come allatonce, At present the brain is fostered almost entirely by young girls and old maids, who employ it in lieu of brute force. Brute force has now made the brain look like thirty cents, and regu- lates the price of meat, eggs, ice, hair tonics and votes. Nothing succeeds like a profitable lack of brains and enough brute force to compel respect. Though we may net hope to eliminate the brain entirely, the future looks rosy. As long as brains stand directly in the way of mak- ing money, we need have no fear for the ultimate result. In the meantime, let us not falter in the grand work, but go on building libraries, endowing colleges and writing popular novels, ‘Thus, by reducing our brain activities to a minimum, we shall eventually all succeed in becoming as brainless as are at present the chosen few. HILE gasoline holds out to burn ‘The vilest sinner may return, The Two Sisters. NCE there were two sisters, one of whom was noted for the ex- pensiveness and the variety of her dresses, while the other was com- mented upon for the simplicity of her attire. It was known that she had made one dress do for three seasons, also, Now there came two princes seek- ing wives. And the first prince said : “T will marry the girl who has always worn such expensive clothes, because she will have had her fill of finery and will be con- tent to dress modestly and not run up big bills at the modiste' ‘The second prince said: “I will marry the other girl, for sposition and tastes and ought she has already shown her to make a jewel of a wife.” But after they were married, the girl who had always dressed so simply went in for the costliest garb she could get. She said she must make up for lost time. And the other girl-wore more expensive dresses than ever, because, she said, it would never do to permit her sister to outdo her, This lesson teaches us that one man can guess as well as another. Fat Man: WAVE YOU LEFT THE SHOW BUSINESS FOR GOOD ? India Rubber Freak: DET YER LIFE! THERE'S MORE MONEY IN LETTIN' AUTOMOBILES RUN OVER ME.