Life — July 7, 1904 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Cat. LIKE the simple dignity ‘That hedges round the cat. You never see her showing off ; She lets the dog do that. You never catch her leaping hoop:, Nor prancing on the floor Upon two legs, when generous Dame Nature gave her four. We train the dog to hunt the birds, And beat him when he fails, He works all day, and never gets A single taste of quails. ‘The cat is wiser far than he, She hunts for birds to eat, She does not run her legs off, just To give some man a treat. The hunting dog, when told to charge, Will stick to that one spot Until he starves. Is there a cat So foolish ?- There is not. ‘The dog may emulate the boy Upon the burning deck, ‘The cat has sense instead of sen- Timent, She saves her neck. The cat can fight, but nobody Has ever known her yet To fight, as do the bulldog kind, To win a man a bet. She never flatters any man By tagging at his heels When he goes out to ride about On horseback, or on wheels, Yet she can find her way about, s but a dunce Compared to her, If this you doubt, Just try to lose her once. All cats, no matter what their breed, Are born aristocrats, They never, like the terriers, make A trade of killing rats, ‘The cat will rid the house of rats, Because she likes the fun, No man can say she’s moved to it Because he wants it done. Man harnesses the lightoing, and Makes steam perform his will, The horse and dog his bond-slaves are, ‘The cat eludes him still. The dog’ drudge, A foolish altruist, The cat, in spite of man, remains Serene, an egotist. man’s servant, plaything, Talk not to me about your dog. It is but idle chat. Give me that calm philosopher Of hearth and home, the cat. Ruth Kimball Gardiner, Pe ESE Some Future Society Nuptials. Na very mysterious manner quanti- ties of tickets for the Freshrox- Eliton wedding have found their way into speculators’ hands. The bride's father has publicly announced that tickets bought of speculators will posi- tively be refused at the church door. An alarm of wedding was rung at 3:00 P. M. yesterday from a box on upper Fifth Avenue. The police re- serves and ambulances from four hos- pitals were promptly called out, but the scare was soon over. It was only a dress rehearsal. The wedding takes place to-morrow, It is now possible to announce authoritatively the names of the six ushers at the Goldlyne-Sterling nup- tials on Friday next. They are J. James Jeffries, R. James Fitzsimmons, R. Robert Sharkey, J. James Corbett, A. Augustus Rublin and N, Selby Me- Coy. They will weigh in at six o’clock on the night of the ceremony. For the benefit of the Associated Milliners and Dressmakers in Rome, Binghamton, Elmira, Peekskill, Me- chanicsville and other towns, all rail- roads to the metropolis will run half- rate specials on Wednesday week, the date of the Coynebilt-Goeitt wedding. It is understood that the lemonade, peanut and popcorn privileges will be awarded on Saturday. At the Gaysette-Bondborough wed- ding on Thursday the groom's thought- fulness and presence of mind alone saved the bride from serious injury. With admirable coolness, just as the last words of the service were pro- nounced and the bridal party faced the congregation, he passed to his newly- wedded wife the noseguard, shoulder pads and double-crowned head har- ness, which had been part of his foot- ball equipment at college. It required but an instant or two to adjust them securely, and though her veil and gown were torn, of course, to tatters on the way to the carriage, the bride herself escaped unhurt. She was warmly con- gratulated afterward upon her good fortune. The Rev. Dr. Ritchooal requests us to announce in these columns that he will hold services Sunday as usual, the damage sustained by his church during the Biddleton-Backbailey nup- tials, Tuesday evening, having been less than at first was thought. The pews which the mob demolished in its rush have all been duplicated, and sofa pillows, loaned by members of the con- gregation, have taken the place of the cushions, which souvenir hunters ap- propriated. The baptismal font, how- ever, is still missing. Any one having knowledge of its whereabouts will please communicate with the rector, as itis needed. Arthur H. Folwell. The Deadly Collar. sl band, a garrote of starch and string (Alas for the human peacock's pride); An cightfold ring on a flepeared Thing, A threcinch wall with a fool inside. D° you wear a collar? If so, is it standing, turn-over or rolling? If the first or second, you are a he or she idiot and ray long mislaid brother or sister; for I am one of those feeble- minded individuals (like yourself, dear relative) too stupid and too much afraid of Mrs. Grundy to discard the atrocity and dare to be comfortable, If you affect the rolling variety—loose and buttoned in front—you have lucid intervals, even if you sport a bull-neck. But if you wear a soft-boiled shirt open at the throat, I bow to you, for you have sense, taste and courage, Has mankind a sore throat or is ita collective ass? Think what you have on! Four thicknesses of linen, perhaps doub- led, stiff as a board, overlaid with several layers of silk, impervious to air, restricting your braying. Starting just above the wish-bone of a goose, the unyielding horror stabs your re- treating chin and chokes your silly neck. But dangerous to mental and physi- cal health as is the modern collar when buttoned in front, when buttoned hind- side before it predisposes the victim to fatty degeneration of the logical faculty and to intellectual suicide. Why, I know a man (he is at large, though he wears a sort of strait-waist- coat), who buttons his collar that way, and he believes that a riding-mule and an angel held an a/ fresco debate, that a fish rented lodgings and served a writ of ejectment, that three bears bit forty-two brats for blackguarding a bald-headed prognosticator, that un- baptized babies are eternally fricasseed, and that an honest doubter is headed for Hades. W. E. P. French.