Life — May 19, 1904 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LOVE SONNETS OF A MORMON. Sweet are the bonds of matrimony. When I leave my daily toil and hasten home To darling Julia, Ethel, Pearl, Salome, Ruth, Agnes, Kittie, Bessie, Ann and Jen, Beatrice, Flossie and Samantha, then I feel as Scipio did when ent’ring Rome, He viewed his lady slaves, and scratched his dome! Remarking, “This parade is largely hen!" My little comforters, I love you all— In fact, my heart still has some rooms to let; You know I have been scouting since last fall To get a quorum, and I'll do it yet! You laboratory blond, with eyes of blue, Tell me, are any more at home like you? My own! Last night I sat in silent bliss With two of you held tight in my embrace; The cosy corner at your father’s place Was built just right for Genevieve and M" And yours sincerely. When I wished to ki I didn’t dare; I have no double face— If one of you had only set the pace! But then, we Mormons soon get used to this. —Milwaukee Sentinel. Tue Manila boat had come in, and the San Francisco Custom House was swarming with of- ficious Inspectors and suffering humanity. At a secluded corner of the big room, a couple of the blue-uniformed ferrets were overhauling the trunk of a recent arrival. Yanking out the till of the box, they began to toss the clothing about, while the irate owner was obliged to stand and gaze helplessly on. The first garment removed proved to be a khaki uni- form—the next a blue uniform—the next a green one —and so on, all different and all gorgeous with brass buttons and gold braid. The Inspectors paused abashed and gazed at the motley array of uniforms about them. Then one asked in a hushed whisper: “Say! You ain't General Miles, are you?” “Nop!” replied the disgruntled owner of the wardrobe, savagely, “ n't, General Miles! I'm an ex-Manila policema Manila Sunday Sun. Have you beard what Gaiety George said, in his haste, about his future playwrights the other day? A certain admitted genius had read over a scenario to George, who had been much impressed by its novelty and promise—so much so that he had commissioned the literary tailor to go straight down “ comE BACK TO ME, LOVE. YOR YOU 1 Ast PI to his favorite seaside and produce the first act with all speed. “Bit on account?" echoed George. “All right, go to my secretary and draw fifty.” “Fifty won't even see us decently down there,” grumbled the scribe, “what with myself, my wife, her maid—won't you spring a couple of hundred?” “Very well," growled George. Then, turning to his fidus achates, he added, with some finality, “Arthur, sce that for the future all my librettists are bachelors!"—Sporting Times. PARJCZSKIBELOFF. [By Cable from St. Petersburg.] On Parjezskibeloff, when the sunovitch was lows\<y All Sbrjfomkurz lay the pciftmjext snowsky And trispzkif as qveslav was the flowsky Of Mstutzrsioras rolling dijpneltrs. But Parjczskibeloff saw another sightovitch When the brizstfnej beat at stlfjnm of nightovit Daffabstre fires of stlfjid to lightovitch The pfjnubbgt of her knfgneltrs. Then shook the sczjnirstk with brizbomtrx rives Then rushed the hrixbez to hellbyjstr drivenoff And, aqmsgdjimr than the trxmrlyj of heavenoff, Far plshjdin the red Ubneltrs. Few, few shall sxrtdijnik where blifpno meetovitch: The dmitrjn shall be their {nejblim sheetoviteh, And cemtrijd turf mirjudfzski their feetovitch Shall be a bmtrijinkzy’s Slabnettrs. —Chicago Record-Hereit “Burrato Bru.” was once exhibiting in Bos: and while giving a little reception at his tent at the close of the afternoon performance he was ap proached by a young mari and his mother. After a moment of embarrassment on the lady's part she Do you consider that you give a true picture of Western life?” We try to, madam,” answered Mr. Cody. “The people really ride about and shoot in that terrific manner, do they?” she continued. “Well, yes; on occasions,” the showman re plied, rather more guarded! “I never suspected it,” went on the lady is some agitation, “Most of the money left me by my husband is invested in the West, but I now feel doubtful about allowing any more of it to go there.” “Is it secured by first-class real estate mort gage?” I believe so.” “Madam,” said Cody, with confidence, “do not give yourself the least uneasiness. In all my ex perience with the West I have never yet seen a first mortgage on real estate riding a bucking bronco, shooting up the town, or doing anything except grimly drawing its twelve per cent. per annum. I wish I owned a million of ‘em."—Saturday Evening Post. re is for sale by all Compan} Bream's Building, Chancery Lane, London, FE. ‘ewsdealers in Great Britain, The International » England, AGENTS. News, WILSON WHISKEY That’s All! corkscrew | Throw the | away and get Evans’ Ale with the new patent stopper Write for “The Fasy Way” FVANS’ BREWERY, Hudson, 190 Varictica Esterbrook’s Steel Pens Sold Everywhere ‘The Best Pens Made New York LIMITED —The New York Central. comicbooks.com