Life — April 14, 1904 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

-LI HEARD ON * Don't want to throw violets at myself, but I can sell more goods than —"” G sharp was decidedly amat “Yes, but isn’t it ¢ the way he tosses his hair ?"? The Meanest Railroad Contest. Valley R. R. le: I refer to the side-trac trail fr nd to C: at. An made this trip is easily recognized. By not running on e avoided the wear and tear on the A perusal of the bulletin boards informs the traveler that trains rur The At each stop an employ ASSES led with boiling mmer time, as you roam along, you can yy it th: ows a Ate re! impre; one who has schedule time accident olling stock is lessened. every day cars have steam heat throu the t In the st nin carrying a teakettle water pluck the flowers that bloom along the w you are willing to cha ction of the road-bed ena y and bound back without the ables the cars to leave the g the train. gorges train tipping over; this c asing the speed and then reversing the passe: engineer suddenly inc quickly, and requires no effort on the pa A cowcatcher is usually attached to the r well- going aboard. A trip apology has been made without serious injury, is unable to distinguish the rvices of a guide F/B. rt ¢ 3 ar of the train to prevent a: aning cow fre over this except on leaving the train on different points of the compass, and the s are necessary Oxripa, NeMper 14. HE Ilhnois Central Railroad is not a the Unite ly the the wealthiest. wide strip of land te, and the filtt meanest railroad i It owns the Ilir tire length of the ailroad in America. been said that the Illinois Central would clean and the e lest coaches of FE- THE STREET. “Let us hope she won't have such a mixed crowd at this reception. “Good-bye, Of course, one gets a few agreeable impressions here—but Boston —"" disinfect their coaches before the World’s Fair. Howeve the traveling public place no more credence in this t the report that they would buy some real locomotives to take the place of the wheezy old teakettles now in use, It was on the Illinois Central that Ezra Kendall got his idea of the ‘Cold Molasses Special." It is the only road known where its freight trains will get you to your destina- tion quicker than its passenger trains. A lady traveling over the Illinois Central complained to the conductor of the slowness of the train ; he said, ‘* Wh: uu walk?’ She said ‘she would, but her friends were not expecting her until the arrival of the train."’ QL Serincriecp, Its, madame, if you are in a hurry, why don’t NuMBER 15. HE meanest railroad in the United States is the Central Vermont. This is a fact not generally known, as persons who have made use of it are ashamed to speak of ) the first railroad to be built in this and the original engines, cars and stoves are still Its trains are never on time, its road-bed is always y, and its looking as though they had been tossed from some passing freight. Instead of passing through the large cities of its State, it makes a raround them, landing the passengers single car gathers them in and con- veys them a quarter of a mile to the city they seek, Tt runs two t i ch direction, according to a time-table last revised in 1891, which hangs in the larger stations. It afe to count on one of these trains except during the spring and autumn, when freshets remove the one track. Wood is still burned in its engines, and is cut Yes, there Vermont. Bennington. country ations are mere boxes, at a junction, where nins a da needed during the train's onward progress. ay be mean roads, but the meanest is the Centrs New York, N.Y. RINK, and the world drinks with you." “True; but when you settle with the waiter you settle alone. comicbooks.com