Life — March 17, 1904 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

= OUR FOOLISH (ONTEMPo THE RETORT IN KINO. W. D. Howells, the novelist, reldom fails, when any one has animadverted on his corpulence, to out with a neat retort | When Mr. Howells was consul at Venice a very | lean and long American said to him one day jo-| cosely : “If L were as fat as you I'd go and hang my- seit.” “Well.” sald Mr. Howells, “if I ever take your | advice I'll use you for a rope."—New York Tribune. | Tue Socra Pox Hosriratiry : The Manor, Asheville, North Carolina, ts the best tun South. BY ELIMINATION, One day, as Pat halted at the top of the river- bank s the Christian Advocate, a man, famous for his inquisitive mind, stopped and asked : “How long have you hauled water for the vil- lage, my good man?” “Tin years, sor. Ab! How many loads do you take in a day?" | “From tin to fifteen, sor.” “Ab, yes! Now I hav problem for you. | much water, at thix rate, have you hauled in driver of the watering cart jerked bis thumb backward toward the river and re the wather yez don't see there now, sor. HOTEL VENDOME, BOSTON. The {deat hotel of America for permanent and transient guests, Tury have called two doctors in for co tion, ‘And do the doctors agree? I believe they have d upon the price.” —Philadetphia Ledger A LIMIT TO THE DIVISION. Daring a recent session of the House of Repre- sentatives, Mr. Grosvenor, of Ohio, arqse in bis intimated that the gentleman who had the ressing the Hmit of deba “IT thought it was understood,” said the of- ing member, “that the gentleman from Obio divided his time with me, True,” responded Mr. Grosvenor, grimly, “but jd not divide eternity with you!"—New York TikeD brain and nervous tension r potent action of Abbott's Angostuns Bitters. 1 bottle tella Abbott's, Gexrrat Reyes, the President of Colombia, at- tended a dinner party in New York before he sa’ on the Kaiser Withetm for Pari They tell me.” General Reyes said at this ner, “that the United States has its share of now- veaur riches—of new-rich persons. This may but I am sure that the new-rich are to be found re. I Uke them. They make, though, strange mistakes | There is a new-rich—a millionaire—in Pan- ama. This gentleman engaged a butler the oth day. “What tme, sir,’ said the new butler, | you wish to dine as a rule?” | “ ‘What time do the best people dine?" said the new-rich | “At different times, sir,’ the butler answered. “‘Very well,’ said the new-rich, “Then I, too, will dine at different times,’ "—New York Tribun ov do drink, drin a ynen ¥ : Trimbie » “No matter what you think or guess, Keep mum, say nothin’ (do it too) ; Just wink and drink to our success: — €’s our good 'ealth—the same to you.” Whiskey Green Label. AT ALL FIRST-CLASS DEALERS, The Yankee Cork Puller A HOUSEHOLD NECESSITY Fastened up anywhere you wish—on the side- board, ice box.door frame or wall—never mislald. Pulls all corks tnstantly and without effort. Simply moving handle up and down pot only draws the tightest cork, but also. automatically discharges it from the machine. Its a mechanical marvel. | Removes corks clean—oo bits left Ia bottle. Sold everywhere, or sent direct, express prepaid, on receipt of price. Alter 30 days trial money relsaded If oot pleased, 25. Silver Plated, $3.£0. For Hotets, etc., with clamp, Nickel Plated, $2. Booklet free. Order today from makers, THE GILCHRIST CO, 117 LafayetteSt., Newark, N. Chocolates and Confections The most delicious product of the candy making art. Sold everywhere = HARTRORD 4 CLINCHER To take the new * Dunlop” Made under the off the rim (the new rim) G. & J. patents (and there- loosen one screw only—and fore of a construction long off it comes, And the rim since past. the experimental n be fitted to a wood wheel ‘ stage), with greatly improved as easily as an iron tire, for ¢ features, affording its user the wheelmaker has only the minimum of trouble, to deal with flat surfaces. maximum of safety, Let us send and long honest service THE HARTFORD RUBBER WORKS CO. HARTFORD. CONN.ULS.A. OLD CROW RYE sreacr WHISKEY soe ee a ork. comicbooks.com