Life — January 14, 1904 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Elephant. (Pu Betephantis alargeanimal, distingnished by docility ands: gac ty of the elephant is shown in the way the average Republican lets himself be Jed around b voter nose; his sagacit, in the attitude of the beet sugar will mous burdens, Perry Heath being by no means the limit. the attempt is bust the elephant, ho, his dis- carry enor At such a pathos fills his ¢ “What's the matte all right. Who's all right? Hann: Ohio is the natural habi of the phant, but he often wanders as far south as Washington in search of food. which plain! with Hanna cle- ‘)°HE hand that cradles the rocks rules the world MEMBER oF suk MAS THE AUDUBON STOPPED WEARING PRATHERS. LIFE Patent. W Ett live u And drav Until upon ay We die a y a patent food, patent breath, ent be tent death, Then after that we will be sure ‘To eriticise and ¢: Unless on patent gol We play a patent harp. streets MeLandburgh Wilson, The End of Smythe. [HE physical career of young Smythe began in the higher grammar school when he became interested in football, baseball and weight throwing. This naturally and indubitably laid the foundation of his college career, It became evident that the proper development of the serratus magnus, the obliquus externus aldomis, the pee- toralis major and the biceps flecor cubiti, to say nothing of the de/fofds and the gustrocnemiua, Were necessary to the highest honors. At the end of four years he was ap- holstered with muscles far beyond all the others in his clas But young Smythe was not satisfied, for about the time he left college and became an office boy he took to read- ing physical culture magaz This stimulated young Smythe’s ambition to have a system of his own. So he decided to try all the known methods of physical culture at once, in order to save tint At the end of three years more, when the doctor was called in, he exclaimed in severely complimentary — tones, “My! But he is perfect. No muscle neglected, from the oceipitofrontatis to tendo Achillis, Really the most per- fectly developed man I ever saw.” “Then,” said Smythe, as well as he could talk, which was only above a whisper, “what is the matter with me?’ The doctor, using his stethoscope gingerly, replied : “ My dear boy, it’s your vital organs—heart, lungs and so forth—they have gone to pieces.” But young Smythe was true to him- self, even then. ‘My dear sir,” he replied,as hanghtily as possible, “that’s not my fault. It’s only because I couldn’t get at ’em.”” T. M. IP LOWENGRIN LOOKED LIKE THis. WILY DID ELSA ASK IDM WHENCE ME CAME? How to Dramatize a Novel. A XY novel will do, provided it is suf- +X ficiently lacking in action If the characters don't talk enough, put in a few hundred thousand words versation, ‘Theatre-goers love to pay two d rs a seat to hear talk. If it is a novel of modern lit ck two hundred years to give a better costume effect. If it is a romantic novel, move the forward to the present lot of society epigrams—the never use in society Give the part of the heroine to som: who is totally unlike the author's description of the character. author tries to take a hand in directing rehearsals, see that he is kept out of the theatre, move it ction ne and write in a nd_ people tress Artur Chapman. comicbooks.com