Life — January 7, 1904 — page 29: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Man We All Know. COULD sing you a song that was never yet heard, I know, for I wrote every note—every word. 1 ma mild-mannered man, but I thirst for the gore Of that confounded cuss who has “ heard it before.” T have got a good joke, which I daren't tell to you, ‘Though I made it myself, and I know it is new, Vita mild-mannered man, but I thirst for the gore Of that friend of a fellow who “told it before. 1 courd show you a trick that you never can do, You might puzzle for years, but you'd never get through. Vw a mild-mannered man, but I thirst for the gore Of that mirth-killing monster who ‘did it before.” T coud give you a riddle you never could guess ; If | asked, “Give it up?” you will all answer I'm a mild-mannered man, but I thirst for the gore Of that horrible nuisance who “ knew it before.” ction morn, when musician toots up his horn, "IL rise from his egin to jaw, : him before.” George Crouch. OSEPH CHAMBERLAIN, in one of his re- cent tariff reform speeches, told a new um- brella story. Mr. Chamberlaia wished to point out that ignorance was to blame for much of the censure that had been attached to his tariff re- form scheme. He said : “Why, my friends, many of my opponents are as ignorant of my proposition as was a cer- tain farmer, many years ago, of the umbrella. “This farmer had made a journey of some twenty miles on foot to a small town. As he was about to set off for home again a hard rain came up, and his host loaned him an umbrella —a novelty at the time—opening it himself so as to save his friend all possible trouble. “A week later the farmer took the umbrella back. The weather was bright and fine, but he held the instrument open over his head. “* This contrivance,’ he grumbled, ‘is more trouble than it’s worth. There wasn't a door way in the village I could get it through, and I had to tether it all the week ina field.’"— Yew York Tribune, The Rule of Three. ss O*XE week from to-day, Uncle John, I will bea married man. Yes, in seven short G days I will be initiated into the mysteries of | matrimony.” “No mysteries about it, my boy. Itis just the plain, simple rule of three.” “Rule of three y Eb—what three ?"” “Wife, mother-in-law, and hired girl."—Han- sas City Journal, Not at All Alike. HE: How absurd! Comparing a woman to a phonograph! He: Quite ridiculous! One can shut a phonograph off. SPARKLING WHITE ROCK:, WATE R eo. Its delicious healthful purity’ xe *e < <« “gives finish to the dinner! << xe ‘This booklet, which quotes the world’ You are told how to cure dyspepsia and indigestion without the use of medi- FR cine in our valuable “Booklet 1.” * ‘8 most eminent physicians, shows that the very sparkle which makes White Rock delicious, makes it one of the best digestive tonics. * Booklet R* will be sent free on request. White Rock Mineral Spring Company, Waukesha, Wis. “99h of Camera Value it in the Lens.” For tho darkest of dark days For the fastest of fast shutters Deo a Coens “Type 1." youcan get a perfect picture under conditions of light absolutely imposdbio with any other leak THE GOERZ LENS 4a used by leading photographers, and ts recognized by experts aa tho finest lens in the world. “At your dealers oF direct, Write for descriptive catalorue. ©. P. GOBRZ, Room 83, 62 E. Union 8a. N-¥. WELSBACH OUALITY Ne priced but Genuine) “WELSBAGH mantles “cost less because they The. Shield of Qualit is your protection., IVE KINDS - 15, 20,26, 30.35, comicbooks.com