Life, 1903-12-31 · page 9 of 21
Life — December 31, 1903 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains a domestic humor story about Mr. and Mrs. Dimpleton, a couple negotiating household management. The main cartoon shows them in conversation, with Mary instructing her husband about breakfast timing and the servant's duties. The satire centers on **Victorian-era servant management**: Mrs. Dimpleton insists the cook ring the breakfast bell precisely on time, warning that neither "Time nor Fate" must delay it. Mr. Dimpleton responds by praising their new cook's competence, but the ironic punchline reveals she's written "I don't be workin' for fanatix" (fanaticsic) — mocking the wife's obsessive household demands. The lower cartoon about "Faces" satirizes landlords who exploit poor tenants using modern "devices" to oppress them without obvious cruelty.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“TAT LITTLE MARE THAT 1 GOT FROM YOU WAS NO GOOD AT ALL.” “AND YET YOU SAY T AM NO JUDGE OP A Honsr.”* Promptly at half-past seven the gong rang, and Mr, and Mrs. Dimpleton sat down. Dimpleton even now refers to that meal with a touch of regret. It was perfect. The oysters were properly iced. The soup was soulful. The roast was done toa turn, and such coffee ! “It’s the greatest thing that ever happened,” he said at its conclusion, with some visible excitement. “ My dear, that was an inspiration on your part. You see, by putting your instructions rhythmically, they sink in. I shall have a try at her myself after a while.” An hour later, having finished his cigar, he made his way into the kitchen. As Dimpleton opened the door, the new cook jumped nearly half-way across the floor, but observing that it was evidently the head of the house, she recovered her com- posure and smiled deferentially. Said Dimpleton : “In this culinary sphere Do I seldom interfere ; My business is to keep the house from hock ; But, Mary, please observe— Nor from your duty swerve— At break of day be guided by the clock ! “ Be sure that clock is right; Keep it ever in your sight, And don't forget that neither Time nor Fate Must put you back one jot, But promptly on the dot My breakfast must be ready, sharp at eight. “ Some things, by Mrs. D., That don’t relate to me, Will be told you, and I hope you'll do ’em well; But no matter what you hear, Don’t Jet it interfere With the ringing of that morning breakfast bell!” “There!” said Dimpleton, joining his wife, ‘I don't think I am quite so good at poetry as you, but I hope I made myself understood at least. And now for a good night’s rest, in the calm assurance that at last we havea servant who not only knows her business, but whom we have learned how to manage.” And in this assurance they slept the sleep of the just. The next morning, however, no cheerful gong sounded in their ears. Dimpleton, whose placid joy had made him oversleep, sprang out of bed at half-past eight. All the house was still—that deathly silence that meant all too well that the bird had flown. On the kitchen table, writ- ten in a primitive and ragged hand, he found these ex- pressive words : 5 “I don’t be workin’ for lunatix.” Tom Masson. Faces. HE new landlord beheld the faces of his poor with a shudder. “Spoiled in the grinding !’’ he exclaimed, and resolved forthwith to put in practise the more modern devices, whereby people are oppressed without knowing it. eencne Seen or o “YOR THE LAND'S SAKE, WuAT are You DoINc!”* “1 AM EATING THIS GRINDSTONE TO SHARPEN UP MY arpetite.”* comicbooks.com