Life — December 11, 1903 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WHAT FATHER SAID. “Ab.” father sighed, And shook bis head, And then he frowned. And sternly sald “This football is A brutal game, Where men rejoice To maul and maim. Fd stop it all If 'd my way.” Jobn smiled in his “Come The game to-day.” Jobn was his son- He played left guard. And played the game Extremely hard His father scowled Until a rush Was made at Jobn; Then in the hush That held the fleld We bear him shout: Git up, there, John! What you about? Slug that big guy And knock bim out!" Ab!" father sighed, When John arose, “He got one ear And broke a nose, And pulled an arm Clear out of place, And made his mark On every face." And that same night His throat was raw From yelling “Rab! Kaboombashaw ! Koex! Koex! Wow! Rab! Rah! Rab!" —Chicago Tribune. A noy who was required to write an essay on hens produced the following: “Hens is curious animals; they don’t have no nose nor no teeth nor ho ears, They swallow their whittles whole and chew it up in their crops Inside of ‘em. The out- side of bens is generally put into pillers and into feather dusters. The inside of a hen 1s sometimes filled with marbles and shirt buttons and sich. A hen ts very much smaller than a good many other animals, but they'll dig up more tomato plants than anything that a hen. Hens is very useful to lay eggs for plum puddings. Hens hav wings and can fly when they get frightened. I c off a hen’s head with a hatchet. and it frightened her to death."—New York Tridune. “Wuat do statistics show?" inquired the man who was warming up to his subject. “As a rule,” answered the man who is always doubtful, “they don’t show much except patience and industry on the part of the man who collected them."— Washington Star, RONDEAU A Freshman is a source of glee To all the university. Much cash Is bis, but little sense; He simply oozes innocence And drips with gullibility, Green, difident to a degree, All gawkiness and gaucherle, Incarnate unintelligence A Freshman ts, Yet, when I wooed on bended knee The maid who holds my heart in fee, And whispered of my love intense, Sho said, “You're not my preference— A Freshman is."" —Yale Record. SUPERINTENDENT oF ScHooLs W. F. Statos of Georgia, tells this bon mot of bis twelve-year-o grandson. The boy's father came in one day mu) provoked at some misdemeanor. “James,” he sald, “I am seriously displeased about this matter. Do you know, Sir, you are a candidate for a whipping?” “I hope I'll be defeated, father.” was the stant reply. And he was. York Times. VEGETARIAN: Don't you know that the strong: est animals are all vegetarians, the elephant being the most powerful? Carxivonous Frienp: That's all right. IC they weren't so strong they never would be able to stand a vegetable diet—Boston Transcript “IF GENUINE Always the Same! WILSON WHISKEY, That’s All! THE WILSON DISTILLING CO. Baltimore, Ma. Net Results Years of labor for perfection have resulted in the production of Hunter Whiskey est-clam cafes and by jobbers. NATIAN & SON, Baltimore, Md. A Pure, Perfectly Cooked Rice Malted. RICE contains more nutriment and supplies more energy to the human body than anything that grows out of the ground. MALT as a marvelously beneficial stimulant man has known for generations, but only yesterday did he learn to combine it to the greatest advantage. COOK’S MALTO-RICE is a perfect blending of Malt and Rice, Egyptian Cigarette of Quality AROMATIC DELICACY— MILDNESS— PURITY 20th CENTURY LIMITED 7%". NEW YORK CENTRAL and LAKE SHORE. comicbooks.com