Life — December 10, 1903 — page 44: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AN ODYSSEY CF ‘k's.’ I've traveled up and down the land And crossed it in a hundred ways. But somehow cannot understand These towns with names chock full of K's. For instance, once it fell to me To pack my grip and quickly go— I thought at first to Kankakee, But then remembered Kokomo. “O, Kankakee or Kokomo,” I sighed, “Just which I do not know !* Then to the ticket man I went— He was a snappy man, and bald. Behind an iron railing pent— And I confessed that I was stalled. “A much-K'd town Is booked for me,” I said. “I'm due to-morrow, so I wonder if it's Kankakee Or if it can be Kokomo.” “There's quite a difference,” growled be, “"Twixt Kokomo and Kankakee.”" He spun a yard of tickets out— The folded kind that makes a strip And leaves the passenger in doubt When the conductor takes a clip. He filpped the tickets out, I say, And asked: “Now, which one will it be? I'll sell you tickets either way— To Kokomo or Kankakee.” And still I really did not know— I thought it might be Kokomo. At any rate, I took a chance, He struck his stamp machine a blow, And I, a toy of circumstance, Was ticketed to Kokomo, Upon the train, I wondered still If all was right as It should be; JAMAICA ‘The most beautiful of the Caribbean Islands, is bat five days from Boston and four from Philadelphia. Its winter climate is delightfally mild and agreeable. The vegetation is of rare luxuriance and gorgeous coloring, ‘The scenery among the Blue Mountains is grand in the extreme. The hotels are excellent, the roads perfection and the sea bathing in winter a luxury unknown elsewhere, Can You Imagine a More Delightul Spot for a Winter Sojourn? THE UNITED FRUIT COMPANY’S Steel, Twin-Screw, U, Admiral Dewey Mail Steamships Admiral Schley Admiral Sampson Admiral Farragut make weekly sailings between Boston, Philadelphia nd Jamaica, affording a pleasant coastwise passage ough tropic seas and genial temperatures FARE, including meals and stateroom accommoda tions, $40: round trip, $75. __ Send for illustrated booklet fully describing Jamaica its scenery, people and interesting inland tours, Free on request. For information and DIVISION PASSE: UNITED FRUIT COMPANY Long Wharf. Rostox. Mass, Pler 5, North Wharves, Purcapenrma, Pa. Raywoxp & Wigtcoms Co Tuowas Cook & Sox, Tourist Agents, and Leading Ticket Oftces in all Lange Cities _ SCIRE Some mystic warning seemed to fill My mind with thoughts of Kankakee. The carwheels clicked it out Had better be for Kankakee Until at last It grew so loud, At some big town I clambered out And elbowed madly through the crowd, Determined on another route. The ticket agent saw my haste; “Where do you wish to go?” T yelled: “I bave no tlme to w: Please fix me up for Kankake cried he. Again the wheels, now fast, now slow, Clicked: “Ought to go to Kokomo !* Well, anshow, I did not heed The message that they sent to me. T went, and landed wrong, Indeed— Went all the way to Kankakee. Then, in a rush, I doubled back— Went wrong again, I'd bave you know. There was no cal! for me, alack! Within the town of Kokomo. And then I learned—confound the luck ! I should have gone to Keokuk! —Chicago Tribune, AT THE SCHOOL OF DIPLOMACY, “Where is Panama?” omewheres east of Suez—at lecet, there aint no Ten Commandments there.” “What are its principal productions?" Revolutions an¢ canals,” “How iy transit on the Isthmus kept open?” “By refusing to let the natives go across.” “What rights, then, have the natives?” The right of revolution for the benefit of the foreigner."—New York Evening Post. Turns once was a Jew in N. Who stoutly refused to Ch. P. “I'd like to,” be sald, Sadly shaking bis head, “But you know how the neighbors D. T.” —Arthur H. Jenkins, “I was married to that man once.” first Chicago woman. “To Mr. Marryat? replied the other. “You don't say? Were you before or atter 2""—Catholic Standard and Times, said the The idea! Why, so was 1," “I THOUGHT she was going to marry an Eng- lsh duke.” g Her father found a Russian prince that he could get for half the price."—Chicago Record. Herald. THAT was no Idle Jest of Shakespeare's which referred to the absence of a Regina Music Box in the bome. There Is no excuse, in this enlightened day, for the lack of that ‘sweet compulsion” which In music Hes, when such harmony as the “Queen of Music Makers” produces is within the reach of all, Styles range from $400 down to $10 each The most elaborate for those to whom price is no object. Perfection in construction common to all. Send for booklet to No, 20 East 22d St, New York, Ir Is said that when Mr. Gladstone read a book Mr. Carnegie he remarked that he admired the courage of a man who, without knowing how to write. wrote on a subject of which be knew nothing. Schoolmaster. “I won’t be good,” said Willy, “Then Santa Claus won't bring you any pres- ents." “Wasn't I bad last year, and didn’t I get more'n ever?"—Cincinnati Commercial Tribune, WITH EYES WIDE OPEN That's the way to travel, if you would profit by it ... On the Santa Fe, going to California, are peaks miles high, and canyons a mile deep; rainbow-colored petrified forests, ages old; nomadic Navajos and home-loving Pueblo Indians; painted deserts and oases of trop- ical verdure ... Seen on no other The California. Limited runs through this southwest land of enchant- ment daily, between Chicago, Los An- gcles, San Diego and San Francisco. Visit Grand Canyon of Arizona en route. Our illustrated booklets, mailed free, will help you rightly plan a California tour. Address General Passenger Office, Atch: ison, Topeka & Santa Fe Railway, Chicago Fe comicbooks.com Santa