Life — October 1, 1903 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GERMICIOE. [Dr. Heneage Gibbes, the bacterlologist. and pathologist, of Detroit, announces that alcohol 1s suro death to Infusorial organisms and bacilli.) When the microbe diabollc in your system tries to frolic, filling you with grippe and colic, or the pangs of rheumatiz, When the microscopic pirate in your insides tries to gyrate, you may calm his feelings trate, you may check him in his biz When the fussy old bacilli make you feverish or chilly, you can knock it silly, If you only know the ropes. You can stop bis wicked wiggle and bis nerve- destroying wriggle; at bis sorry fate you'll giggle when you blast bis rising hopes Bo he germ or protoplasm, you can throw him in a spasm, make bim think he surely has'm, give him something like a jar. Be he big or moleculisb, you can check his manner mulish; you can make him know it's foolish to come rambling where you are. It when he attacks at first he then discovers you are thirsty, he will fear to do bis worst, be will be sorry he essayed To give you appendicitis, mumps, or spinal menin- gitis—not a germ will dare to bite us if this doctor ts obeyed For the julep, bland and minty, makes the germ go Uke McGinty, gives him an impressive bint be cannot longer linger here, And the bourbon, rye, or brandy—either one that is most handy—makes the microbe understand he can no more fill us with fear. So from now on drop the acid, that but makes the microbe flaccid and leaves him serenely placid, or some word to that effect, And fill up with joyful juices, with the drink that cheer induces—there's the best of all excuses: You but try to disinfect —Chicago Tribune. A patn of frightened horses were dashing madly down the street. The coachman was sawing at the reins, and the carriage was swaying from side to side in a dangerous fashion. The occupants of the vehicle, an elderly woman, noted for her ex- treme parsimoniousness, and ber pretty niece gave no outward signs of fear; but just as the horses came to a standstill, the younger woman unex- pectedly fainted. “I wasn't frightened abit,” she explained after- ward, “until, just as we rounded that last corner with three wheels in the air, Aunt Caroline ex- claimed, ‘I'd give a dollar to be out of this!’ I knew the case must be serious if Aunt Caroline was beginning to risk dollars in that fashlon.”"— Youth's Companion. A Younc San Franciscan, the owner of a large and yaluable ‘collection of autographs, once wrote to the late James McNetll Whistler politely request- ing bis signature. The letter was sent in care of the London Royal Academy, with which the famous American painter was at outs. After four months, the letter was returned to the San Francisco ad- dress from the dead-letter office in Washington. Covering the envelope was the word, repeated num- berless times: “Unknown,” ‘Unknown."— Argo- naut. THE SHORTER COURSE. Hurry the baby as fast as you can, Hurry bim, worry him, make bim a man; Off with bis baby clothes, get bim in pants, Feed him on brain foods and make him advance. Hustle him, soon as he's able to walk, Into a grammar school; cram him with talk. Fill bis poor head full of figures and facts, Keep on a-Jamming them in till it cracks. Once boys grew up at a rational rate; Now we develop a man while you wait. Rush him through college, compel him to grab Of every known subject a dip and a dab. Get bim in business and after the cash, All by the time he can grow a mustache. Let him forget he was ever a boy, Make gold his god and its jingle bis joy; Keep him a-hustling and clear out of breath Until he wins—nervous prostration and death. —Boston Transcript. TuoMas Dixox, Jn.. 1s the author of “The Only Woman," & book from which the following quotation ts taken : ++ Across the hugeoak mantel he had carved the sentenc: «Tam an old man now ; I've had lots of trouble, and moat of {tnever happened.’ "— Saturday Evening Herald. Live 1s for sale by all Newsdealera in Great Britain, The Interoational News Company, Bream‘s Bullding, Chancery Lane. London, E. C., England, AGENTS. Established 1823. WILSON WHISKEY, That’s All! THE WILSON DISTILLING CO, Baltimore, Md. purity of All that hands can do, or money buy, or age refine, lies In the Hunter Baltimore It is the highest standard of The American Gentleman's Whiskey WM. LANAIAN & SON, Baltimore, Md. PRESIDENT SUSPENDER comicbooks.com