Life — September 24, 1903 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SONGS OF THE SHIPYARD. “Mother, may I go out to combine?” “Yes, my darling daughter; Sell your bonds at eighty-nine, nd fill your stocks with water.” Lewis and Charles went up the Street With forty millions of water; Tho foods wept Lewis off his feet, And Charles came grumbling after. Sing a song of sixpence, Here's the stock to buy! Four-and-twenty shipyards a pie. When the ple was opened There was no end of troubles; Nothing in that pretty dish But iridescent bubbles. —New York Evening Post. A MINISTER y walking along a road, and to bis astonishment he saw a crowd of boys sitting in front of a ring with a small dog in th When he came up to them, be put the fo! uestion: “What are you doing to the dog? © boy said, “Whoever tells the biggest He Ob.” said the minister, “I am surprised at you little boys, for when I was like you I never told a Ne There was ‘one of the boys shouted, Labor Leader. silence for a w until “Hand him up the dog INTERNATIONAL GEOGRAPHY, [Lond We have received m © w York corre- spondent the text of a telegram sent by Thursday to President Roozevelt : “Tot resident of the ited States of A “oth July, 1903. “T have the great pleasure of entertaining Ad- miral Cotton and the captains of bis squadron, have just proposed your health with ery feeling of cordiality and frien hip. Epwarp R. ano I,” correspondent adds that the message reached President Roosevelt’ at Oyster Bay, South Florida, where he fs making a short stay. {South Florida Mercury.) “Oyster Bay, South Florida, July 21, 1903. “To the King of Great Britain and Ireland, St. James's Palace, near Spring Gardens: “I bave the pleasure of wishing you joy oa your Irish trip. The best of m nent were Iri I have just done myself the honor to pur health in Lipton’s Irish, Recipro friendly expressions, “Tro, O'Roostvent, President.” Our correspondent adds that the message was delivered to his Majesty at Dublin-on-Lea, County Kerry, where he ts spendin Exchange, HEARD CN THE STREET. Anpext Youtu (at the rendezvous): I have came as I promised is New Fouxp Fatexo: I'm so glad you done v0. A. Y.: Clara Warner asked me to call on to-night, but I wouldn't of went for anything H.N, F. F.: [seen her to-day. She looked awful pale—powder, I guess. A. Y.: She didn't used to look so bad. H.N. F. F.: Ob, I ain't never thought her pretty. A. Y.: I guess I won't go to see her no more. I like you more than her. HN. F.F.: Aw, you don’t neither. A. Y.: That's right; I guess I've fell in love with you. i. N. FL Ft jolly me no more. Here a man rusbed up and killed both perpe- trators.—Toledo Blade. You see, You're jollyin’ me. Boys can’t 0." sald little made a fool cf me! “What was it?" Post. Saphead, “no woman ever asked Miss Pert.—Houston THE UMPIRE’S RUBAIYAT. A book of rules, a frown upon my brow, An indicator, a good eye and thou Beside me, shrieking “Lobster, thou art rank!" Ob, this, methinks, were agony enow. Strange, ts it not, that when I call a strike, I ‘rouse in every breast sincere dislike? Yet if I call that self-same curve a ball Tam abused by Tom and Dick and Mike. What boots it though a player be tagged out Beyond the slightest shadow of a doubt? The very instant that I wave my hand, From stand and bleachers comes a threa shout. I sometimes think that when my race {s run. When three strikes have been called, and undone, I hear St. Peter read his riot act, T'll kick on his decision, just for fun! —Milcaukee PCLITICS IN BILLVILLE. Two candidates obliged us by ploughing siz acres for us yesterday. Our school children bave been patted on the head so often of late that every 10-year-old boy Ia tho town is baldbeaded. Some of the candidates for local offices in tbls settlement are running so fast that the sheriff cant get close enough to levy on them.—Atlanta Consti- tution, MAXIMS OF THE MERGER. A combination in time saves nine—bankrupteles, The hit syndicate flutters. In the multitude of underwriters there 1s wis dom. A million In hand ts worth two on paper. In union there fs stock to sell. Monopoly Is the life of business. A millon stolen ts a million earned, After us the deluge—from our watered stock | Evening Post. Live 1s for sale by ail Newsdenlers in Oreat Britata, ane International News Company, Bream's Ballding, Chancery Lane, London, England, Agexta, Established 1823. WILSON WHISKEY, That’s All! IN DISTILLING CO. Baltimore, Md. ie LOOK FOR THE MAME CARL H. SCHULTZ ) [THE NAME CARL SCHULTZ ON LL MINERAL WATERS ISA GUARANTEE OF ABSOLUTE URITY ARTIFICIAL, VICHY, SELTERS, CARBONIC, The Stasdard for 40 Years 420-466 riret Ave 3.7, ‘THE NAME IS EVERYTHING.” Esterbrook an absolute its excellence Probate No. ular stub medium Over 150 other styles every pur stationers Accept no THE ESTERBROOK STEEL PEN CO. Worts, Camden. N.J. 26 Joha Street, N.Y PRESIDENT SUSPENDERS comicbooks.com