Life — September 10, 1903 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“IE IT'S GOOD, IT'S BAD.” Now comes the brainy sclentist To win extreme renown. He adds unto our “mustn't” list And tears our pleasures down; Discovers that there lurks disease In all t makes us glad; Tells us: “Beware of what will please, For if it’s good, it’s bad.” He calls attention to the fact That iced tea will beset hs ull they are compact d to leatherette; Advises of the dire result ‘That holding bands has had; Makes this the slogan of bis cult: “If It is good, it's bad.” He warns us of the soda fount Where toil the busy clerks, And cach malicious germ he'll count And show just how it works; Ice cream and berries, water, too, Likewise the auto fad; Or anything we want to do— “If It is good, it’s bad.” Ob, speed the day when you'll have placed All pleasures on the shelves! ‘Then, scientists, do you make baste To warn against yourselves; For as it stands each pleasure palts And most of us get mad Because on each e ent falls Your “If it's good, it's bad." —Chicago Tribune. A pevote tathe met by his two little sons. boys? lence, Have you been good boys?” “No, papa, I called grandma a bad word.” said ar-old, turning scarlet “Is it possible? What did you call your grand- ma?” “I called her a human being.” The father, with a mighty effort, maintained bis er a day's absence, was “Have you been good gravity, and closed the scene decorously. “I must forgive you for once; but remember, if you ever call your grandmother a human being again, I sball have to spank you!"—Boston Budget. NOTWITHSTANDING his twenty-two years of ser- vice on the bench, Lord Justice Mathew still pre- serves that elasticity of spirit and love of a joke which bas distinguished him all through bis career. One of bis remarks yesterday created great merri- ment in the Court of Appeal. A learned King’s uunsel was arguing the question as to what is an accident,” and was putting instances of what be considered would properly within that term, and what, on the other hand, would not. “Suppose, said he, “someone were to hit me in the eye and my eye became black in consequence; the f becoming black could not be called an accide “Perhaps not.” said the Lord Justice, “but would doubtless explain it on that ground."—West- minster Gazette, come HIS IDEA OF PRAYER, Harold, the five-year-old son of the. terian minister of Dayton, Ky., wa for bed. ing, Presby- being prepared He had spent a very active day at coast- was weary and very sleepy. “Now, Harold, kneel down by mamma and say your little prayer “But, her shoulder. “Be mamma's good boy, now." “Thank God for all His goodness to you, But Harold was asleep His mamma gently aroused him. “Harold, don't be naughty. Be a good boy, now, and thank Jesus for the nice home you have, the warm clothing and fire to keep you warm, and a mamma and papa to love you. Think of the poor little boys who are hungry and cold to-night, no mamma to love them, no warm bed to go to, and—" “But, mamma,” Interrupted the sleepy boy, roused to a protest, “I think them’s th’ fellers that ort to do the prayin’.”"—Lippincott’s, amma’"—half asleep, with his head on coaxingly. Tux following important business notice re- cently appeared in the nm (Kan.) Independent: “Our postmaster bas about cleaned out bis old stock et mail, preparatory to putting in a new one."— Springfleld Republican, FURTHER FROM LIPTON. “If Shamrock III. don’t lift the cup Says Lipton, “I will try some more. With Shamrock V. I'll pick it up, Unless I take it off belv. “However, if to love again, And then to lose, should be my fate; If VI. and VII. fail, why, then, You'll, find that I know how to wVIII. “I'l come again, with face belX, But don’t go too much on my looks, For if by then the Cup's not mine, It will have me on Xterbooks.”* —Chicago Tribun A story is told of an attempt made by Swedish missionary to obtain a foothold in At sinia. No sooner had he begun to preach than i was brought before King Menelek., who asked lin he had left bis home in Scandinavia in order to to Abyssinia. The missionary promptly plied that he had come to convert the Abyssiniin Jews, who are regarded as fair game for the outs ik propagandist. “Are there no Jews in your c« try?" asked Menelek. The missionary admit: that there were a few. “And in all the cot that you have passed through did you find no Jew or heathen?” the king continued. Jews and hea the missionary admitted, were — plentity said Menelek, “carry this man beyond the frontier, and let him not return until he b verted all the Jews and heathen which Ie between his country and min rgonaut, - “To RUN a newspaper.” says an Oklahoma editor, “all a fellow has to do fs to be able to w poems, discuss the tariff and money question, umpire a baseball game, report a wedding, saw wood, de- seribe a fire so that the readers will shed their wraps, make a dollar do the work of ten, sbine at a dance, measure calico, abuse the liquor habit, tet whisky, subscribe to charity, go without meals, at- tack free silver, defend bimetallism, sneer at sn: very, wear diamonds, invent advertisements, look scandal, appratse babies, delight pumpkin raisers, minister to the afficted, heal the dis- gruntled, fight to a finish, set type, mould opinion sweep the office, speak at prayer meetings, stand in with everybody and everything.” —Exchange, over- Live 18 for sale by all Newsdealers in Great Britain, The International News Company, Bream’s Rollding, Chancery Lane. 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