Life — August 27, 1903 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Enviable Ancients. ope RE was a time when I was bent On nobly duplicating The deeds of heroes eminent Who have a classic rating. But what's the use of being fired With good and great ambitions? For glory such as I di We lack the right Columbus now might sail the nly to die unnoted ; No continents remai to be Discovered and promoted. No tyrant of the ancient style t modern hero ; te would smile . to-day, would wholly lack his duty ; nm, now, would booty Henry the led the van Tn marry ld be an alse in Dakota nt like that Ulysses took Id set our poets spouting ; Thomas Cook puting pers toured Id laugh at suc lucky to His fame seeure already ; Mohamm ve made For nowadays he'd lose his trade To Mary Baker Eddy. Like Alexander, I could stand nd snivel —just as he did ; No other worlds are handy, and No conquerors are need Frank Roe Batchelder. Applying the Axiom. *VISTAKES will happen in the best ~ regulated families,’’ quotes the apologetic one, . “*Mebbe,’’ concedes the vinegary one; “‘but it isn’t any sign that a family is well regulated, just because it runs so strong to the making of mistakes.”’ Good Work. THIS camo to an approving public through the New York Herald : Mippietown. N. Y., Sunday.—With a country road on & hilltop for @ riog, an automobile and a big ball engaged in battle near West Kortright yesterday, and the brute waiked off with the honors and # section of steering gear instead of # laure! wreath. «Two friends were riding in the automobile and wero siguted by the bull, which was being led from ® sum- mit pasture by Frank Webley, a farmer, aud Its owner, The machine 1s painted red, the vehicle, he lifted his head and be! Tage. The automobiiists Inughed and replied with ato... Out of & cloud 'of dust there first emerged a kaleldo- scopte sound —the beating of hoofs, « whirr, shouts, vellowing and crash. ‘The automobile caine last, and it Was going on a tangent, Struck head foremost by the bull, 1t was tossed into nd the automodlitsts Were pitched in » heap into asandbank. They were bruised and territied, but managed to scramble out of danger. Why not have other well-intentioned bulls of this variety stationed at easy dis- tances along our country roads? Taxpayers would gladly contribute. There would be a great saving of human life, in the long run, and legitimate amusement for the bulls. The best fun, of course, would bo for owners of horses, who still think the public highway is no place for steam engines, From a Society Man’s Diary. I NARROWLY escaped a great humilia- tion, dining with the Smiths, last night. Only the superb tact of M saved me. Thad drunk my wine. “Fill Mr, Jones’s glass,” said Smith to his butler, As the man approached me, decanter in hand, I broke into a cold perspiration. For in that moment I recalled that I had brought no money with me. Doubtless I looked the horror I felt. rs. Smith divined my pred ment, and quietly lent me a dollar, with which I feed the butler. HEN a lover has exhibited all his points, he should take a short holiday. comicbooks.com