Life — August 27, 1903 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Stumps.) How did the water Come out of the stocks? How did the brokers Get all of their shocks? ‘With “Ows!" and A thousand Remarks of the kind, The snoozer And losers Were left far bebind. Commencing with fencing, With morals, And quarrels, Combinin And piling, b entwining, outlining, ‘ling, outwit and Came down with a flurry And scurry and burry, To worry and curry Each horse that was short, And all of that sort. Then, buying and crying. And yelling and selling And pleasing and squeezing And easing and teasing And crashing and smashing And ghasbing and slashing And cashing and hashing And hooting And booting and loo And putting and calling And standing and falling And meeting and greetin, Repeating a And rambling, And gambling, And goring and roa And hugging Stampeding and bleeding and leading, disputin and ¢ ing (With Apologies to the Authors of Some dispensing The boomers, with rumors of humors THE WALL STREET LODORE. Recent Attacking and backing and cracking the lacking; And listing and twisting, resisting, as design ing. NB. piling, And doubting and shouting and routing and flouting, and rooting and tooting and scooting computing, unseating and ble 4 nd cheating and treating and beating, ing and scoring, wT SEISSORS. AT NLL Comp: Ww! essing, and gue eeling and squealing and stealing, Fighting and biting and smiting and blighting and kiting, And bidding and kidding And skinning and winning, And bumping and slumping and dumping and lump- ing And jumping and mumping and rumping And bumping and pumping And thumping The suckers and muckers, Beginners and winners, shams, J and the bold, y stopped When stocks Had dropped Like rocks, And loud from the wreck and the ruck at the bottom Came jingle of and yells of “We've got em —W. sain blessing (7), reeling and pealing and dollars D. Nesbit, in The Chicago Tribune. Tux price schedule of made public through a Brown and The Providence Journal, “Our prices are as follows,’ Roberts & Co." “High school orations and essa ‘ollege essays, orations and debates, $3 to $15. “Political speeches, $10 to $30. “Lectures, $10 and upward. : from 50 cents to $25 “Our work, with the exception of the priced sermons, we guarantee original “This scale has stood the gales of twenty-two years of business experience on the part of the firm, and it represents bed rock values. “We are no strangers in the educational stitutions of the country," says the circular, erhaps the Brown prize winner of last com- an Ohio literary mill is Univer: student say "Colchester, 3, $3 to $s. ‘Sermons, low in- mencement, who, unhappily, delivered the oration with which a Brown professor had concluded bis student career some years before, had dealings with this firm.—i hange. THE WILSON DISTTLLING Co. Baltimore, Md Lave ts for sale by all Company, alers in Great Britain, The Interna g, Chancery Lane, Loudon, E.C., Bream's Butldin; Established 1823, WILSON WHISKEY. That's E NAME CARL HSC | LL MINERAL WATERS ISA OF ABSOLU ARTIFICIAL, VICHY, SELTERS, CARBONIC, The Standard for 40 Years s20-44¢rirat are 22, All! LOOK FOR THE NAME CARL H. SCHULTZ ) 1ULTZ ON GUARANTEE TE PURITY “A YOUNG friend of mine,” said Senator Joseph W. Bailey, “married, not long ago, @ woman of fifty years. She was rich and ugly; be was band- some and peor. “The day after their wedding I met the bride and bridegroom on a Pullman train, traveling W: The bridegroom went into the smoking com| ment with me, and wo lighted up. He smoked gloomily. He was silent a long while. “Well, Jack,’ I said, ‘so this ts your honey- moon, eh?’ “He smiled grimly. ‘Don't call it my honey- moon,’ he said. ‘It's the harvest moon with me.’ * —The Baltimore Post. Ar the first commencement of Washington Col- lege after General Lee was elected its president sixteen young men delivered orations, many of which abounded in flattering allusions to the presi- dent-general. General Leo became more and more restive, and finally asked Professor Allen how many more of them were to speak “Only four, if you need it, general,” replied the professor. ‘The general drew up his chair and whispered, “Could not you arrange it, professor. for all four to speak at once? I can't stand quite so much praise to the face when it's spun out."—Youth’s Companion, ‘You can't go inside,” said the doorkeeper of the village theater, wherein a certain “Uncle Tom's Cabin” aggregation were holding forth. ou are drunk.” “Zrunk who was echoed the applicant for admission, lavishly and luridly Hgbted up inside. “Coursh I'm —hic—zrunk! Why — goodgosh'l- mighty !—do you s'pose I'¢d—hic—wanto see your darned old show if I wasn't—bic—zrunk?"—Smart Set. “ Dox"? you know that you could own a house for you spend on smoking answered the obstinate man, “but maybe the trouble with taxes and assessments and repairs would drive me to drink, and that would be worse. —Washington Star, th ual News, ngland, AGENT, THE NAME IS EVERYTHING.” Esterbrook on a pen is f guarantee of TS >) Is exactly}? name im Over 150 other styles} every pu stationers Accept no have them, substitute. ‘THE ESTERBROOK STEEL PEN Co. ‘Werks, Camden, N.J. 26 John Strect, N.Y. Between New York and Chicago in 24 hours... Via New York Central—Lake Shore Route... “LAKE SHORE LIMITED.” comicbooks.com