Life — August 13, 1903 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A DRY*LAND MERMAID. [According to the Salt Lake Herald, there ts tow in Salt Lake City a young woman of sweet sixteen who is almost a mermaid. Her body ts covered with fine, silvery scales and she bas web feet, When she was a child her parents were visiting on the coast of California. One day sbe escaped and swam Into the ocean nearly a quarter of a mile before she was overtaken. She Is very pretty, and seems to be unable to exist without frequent tmmersions.) Gentle reader, here's a ditty of a maid in Sait Lake City; Or rather of a mermaid, as the case bas proved to be. We can state without misgiving that sbe ts the only living Member of her race who doesn't sojourn in the sea. Like every other mermaid, in the water she would have stayed, But for the the land ough exiled from the water, favorite daughter Of old ocean, and ts happiest when sporting on its strand. as born and bred upon And t rtill whe ts a ‘There's a secret deeply mystic in the very realistic Way in which the mermaid marks this pretty maid adorn; Dainty little scales that glimmer like the sparkling sunshine shimmer That glints upon the spray that sweeps the beach at early morn, Form the armor that encases her tn funny finoy traces, Which are but an Indication of the maiden's natural bent. Could this nymph, as one may term her, have hor way, where wild waves murmur Every day of her existence would undoubtedly be spent. Dear male reader, it's a pity that this mald of Salt Lake City Must lead a life that to her ts as dry as a dry sponge. Don't you think that if you knew her you'd have nerve enough to woo her, And hasten to her natural realm and with ber take a plunge? What a joy ‘twould be to marry this dear, salt-water fairy And with ber seek the emerald caverns of the briny deep; She might know of flelds elysian where they live to style Parisian, And where the hotels are first clase and reason- ably cheap. sweet —Baltimore rican A Youna American once found bimself in an English country house; be was not a bad young fellow, but he carried tho habit of self-glorification beyond the possible point, so that be got himself distiked, and ordinary men sald that be was a romancer. A son of the house took him aside and spoke to him delicately upon the subject Wal,” the American said, “it would burt me to offend any of your insular prejudices; but the fact is that when I commence to bluff my tongue sorter runs away with me, I'd take It kindly if you'd give me a nudge, or a kick, or comething, when you think I'm spreading It too thick.” The son of the house said he would. That night the American took an English heiress in to dinner, and she happened to refer to conservatories. It started the American. “Thad a cousin In Virginia who bullt himself a greenhouse that was thought remarkable, It was 413 feet long. 90 feet high, and——" Here his shins were barked under the table and the con of the house caught his eye. He rubbed the dent ana added, with a sigh: “And about an inch wide."— Exchange. Witt N. Harney was on a train going out of New York recently when a newsboy approached him with an armful of books. He promptly offered Mr. Harben a copy of bis own novel, “The Substitute.” “It's by the author of ‘Abner Danlel,’" ex- plained the boy. “Have a copy? “ve read it," head. “Ob, you ha’ * exclaimed the boy, as a couple of passengers leaned forward to listen. How a you like it'” “Pretty well,” said Mr. Harben. ing of the tedious hours epent in reviilons of the manuscript and proofreading, he added, tmpre sively, “I have read it five times.” “Five times!” exclaimed the boy, and the two passengers promptly purchased coples, as the « terprising bookseller moved on through the saying: ‘The Substitute'—new book. Just « one man read it five times. Only a few ¢ left Minneapolis Tribune. replied the author, shaking his Then, think Tur minister was looking for a sober janitor and he found Jobn. ‘Jobn ts a strapping fe clean and wholesome looking. The minister was much pleased with Jebn. And John had some good recommendatic and seemed to know his busines that the minbter engaged him. “Do you know where the church ts?” John shook his head “Well, It's down on the south side of Rast Bnd avenue, near Lexington street. Now do remember “Aw, yis" sald Jobn. “It's the wan just ‘oss from Mike Sullivan's saloon.""—Harper's Magazine so thoroughly “Ve C.% tells a rather topical little tale certain officer in the army was disliked by bis n and one night, as he was returning to barracks, b slipped into some deep water. A private happened to see the occurrence, and with great difficul pulled the officer out. The officer was very profuse in bis thanks and asked his rescuer how he could reward him, “The best way you can reward me, sir.” replied the private, “is to say nothing about it” “Why, my good fellow,” sald the astonished officer, “why do you wish me to say nothing about it Because if the other fellows knew I pulled you out they'd blooming well chuck me in !"—Lon- don Daily Nev "LAE 1s for sale by all Newsdealers in Great Britain. The International News Company, Bream's Ballding, Chancery Lane, London, E.C., England, AGENTS. Established 1823. WILSON WHISKEY. That’s All! THB WILSON DISTILLING CO. 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