Life — July 30, 1903 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

KING PETE. Peter Karageorgevitch, Ere you go to take the crown, Listen to these pointers which With good wishes we hand down: Have a safe in which to sleep; Have a bulldog watching there; Choose the company you keep With the greatest, keenest care; Wear a shirt of mail, and cook With your own hands what you eat; Ere you sink to slumber, look Underneath the bed, King Pete. Peter Karageorgevitch, Glorious and great, when you Don your purple robes and rich, These are things you ought to do: Keep a knife stuck in your boot And a razor up your sleeve Practice till you learn to shoot To your home surroundings cleave; Always look for bombs and things Underneath the royal seat, ‘When among earth's splendid kings You assume your place, O Pete. Peter Karageorgevitch, Ralsed to glory and renown, Here are pointers for you which You should paste within your crown: Do not run to fires; stay Far away from places where Innocent bystanders may Stop such things as whiz in air; Find, a thousand miles or more From your subjects, some retreat, And when you have barred the door Reign and rule from there, King Pete. —Chicago Record-Heratd. A Marne country doctor tells this story on himself: He responded one night to a note left at his door by a farmer asking him to go as soon as pos- sible to see his little boy, who was ill with a very bad cold. The doctor gave ono look at the child, and asked severely: “Don't you know that your boy ts coming down with the measles?" “Yes,” replied the wife. “I knowed it.” “Then what in the world did you mean by saying he had a bad cold?" asked the doctor. The woman hesitated a moment; then, looking at her husband, she said, hesitatingly : “Neither me or him knowed how to spell measles."—New York Tribune. A TRAGEDY OF TRAVEL On one occasion Lindsay, who succeeded Car- lisle as a Senator from Kentucky, was coming East with Blackburn. It was morning; the train was swaying and rocking through the Allegheny hills; precisely the hour, the motion and the place to re- mind a gentleman of Blue Grass genesis that he needed a stomachic. Lindsay, returning from the smoking-room, was concerned to note that his col- league's countenance, usually so bland, wore a look of troubled gloom. “What's wrong?" asked Lindsay, anxiously. “The worst thing in the world,” returned Blackburn, “I've lost the better part of my bag- ‘as it stolen, or did you leave it behind?” “Neither; the cork came out."—Philadelphia Post. Tur old man was sitting on the roof, gazing placidly across the rushing waters. “Washed all your fowls away? in the boat. “Yes, but the ducks swam,” smiled the old man. “Tore up your peach trees?” “Don't mind it much. They sald the crop would be a failure.” “But the flood! It is up to your windows Val, them windows needed washing anyway, stranger.”—Chicago Daily News. asked the man RecentLy, an American traveling in Russia, who had neglected to provide himself with a pass- port, when he arrived at the borders of the Czar‘s domains, was held up by an official with a dew for his passport. For an instant the Ame: was stumped, but, so the story goes, he qu rose to the emergency, Diving into bis pocket he pulled out his Iife insurance policy and handed it to the Russian. The latter gravely looked the paper over, carefully scrutinizing tbe imposing-looking seal and the array of signa Then, with a satisfied air, he handed back the paper, and the American passed on.—Argonaut. Tue Shrubdville Clarion bas an editor who tries never to let the grass grow under bis feet. fis celerity helps him to acquire news, but It {s also the cause of an occasional paragraph like the fol lowing, taken from a recent Issue: Last week we gave the particulars of a devas. tating fire in the town of Jenkins, with the number and names of the victims. We now wish to correct a few Inaccuractes such as will sometimes find (heir way into the first report of any catastrophe. “There were no victims, for tho conflagration was checked before it actually took place. “We may also add that the fire was not Is Jenkins, but in the town of Scranton.”—Youth’s Companion. AN Insurance adjuster In St, Louis tells of a new expedient of the incendiary. A man’s store had burned, and he bad balf admitted setting it off to a friend who wanted full particulars with a view to similar practices “I tell you," sald the proprietor, “the rats gnawed matches, and set it going.” “How do you know? Did you see them?" “No, I didn’t see them, but [ know I rubbed matches in the limburger cheese before I threw them on the cellar floor."—New York Tribune. Naw!" said the head waiter, “that man tbat jest went out ain't worth much.” “How do you know?" inquired the favorite customer, “Ob! it's easy for us waiters to take a man’s measure.” suppose you measure him from tip to tip, eh?"—Philadelphia Press. Live 1s for sale by all Newsdealers in Great Britain, The International News Company, Bream's Ballding, Chancery Lane, London, E.C., England, AGENTS. Established (823, WILSON WHISKEY. That’s All! THB‘ WILSON DISTILLING Co. Balumore, Md, LOOK FOR THE NAME CARL H. SCHULTZ — ARTIFICIAL VICHY, CARBONIC, SELTERS. The Stavdard for 40 Years MAPLEWOO 420-444 r iret ve 5.2, Near CINCINNATI OHIO A Sanatorium established in 1875 for the private care and medical treatment of Drug and Alcoholic Ad elsewhere have been cured by us. tions. Thousands having failed Home Treatment if Desired. Address Tue Dr. J. L. Srepurns Co., Dep. 77, Lepaxon, O. Four 24-Hour Trains to Chicago Every day—NEW YORK CENTRAL ‘THE NAME [S EVERYTHING.* Esterbrook on a pen Is 4 an absolute guarantee offi its excellence SMNo. Ar. The Penman’s Professional Expert Favorite varieties of to suit | pose. All stationers Accept nol\/substitute. Works, Camden, N.J 26 Soha Strest, N. Yo comicbooks.com