Life — July 23, 1903 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE NEW PROPOSAL. {The Thomas 8. Clarkson School of Technology confers a degree of “bachelor of science in do- mestic engineering” upon young women who com- plete the course in household sciences.) Priscilla, when I gazo upon Tho azure of your eyes, I see the glory of the dawn And peace of twilight skies. Please note my blushing and my And 0, Priscilla dear, But say the word that you'll be my Domestic Engineer. What joy! Your knowledge so exact Would ever charm my soul— You know just how best to extract Heat units from the coal. No grim bacilli could get by If you were watching near. Priscilla, O, say you'll be my Domestic Engineer. A life with you—it could be but A fate serene, divine, For even pies must all be cut On geometric line! No janitor could me defy— His voice I should not fear. Priscilla, please, will you be my Domestic Engineer? —Chicago Tribune. Tue way of the philanthropist, of whom the author of “A Third Pot-Pourri” tells, seems unduly hard, The philanthropist, who was a gentle old lady of, Exeter, England, got hold of a maimed sailor, who moved her to great pity. To help him along she purchased a tray on which he was to expose gingerbread for sale. She gave him a start in gingerbread, also the privilege of standing before her most respectable residence to cry his wares. In addition, she com- posed and taught him the following words to repeat at intervals: “Will any good, kind Christian buy some fine, spicy gingerbread of a poor, afflicted old man?” ‘The first.morning the satlor sold a sbilling’s worth of gingerbread in a short time, and his suc- cess went to his head. Pretty soon, from bis sta- tion on the pavement in front of the gentle old Will any poor, afflicted Christian buy some good, kind gingerbread of a fine, spicy old man?” Despite this sadly mixed cry, trade became very good—so good, indeed, that when the philan- thropist again heard her words they ran: “Will any fine, spicy Christian buy some poor, aMicted gingerbread of a good, kind old man? Youth’s Companion. Tux following story of the Pope's ready wit Is current in Italy, where he personally is most pop- ular, even among the Anti-Clericals. He has some nephews who find it somewhat difficult to extract money from him. The wife of one of these nephews Is said to have undertaken to get some from him. She solicited an Interview, and, having obtained it, said: “Holy Father, I come to seek your advice. Iam poor, I have a large family, and, alas! I am in debt. I have been gifted by Heaven with a good voice, and the proprietor of a music hall bas offered me a large salary to appear on his stage and cing a few simple songs. Ought I to accept the offer?” “Certainly,” replied His Holiness; “and I only regret that my official position will not allow mo to be present at your debut.""—New York Tribune. Arroros cf nothing In particular, do you re- member tho story of the European Ambassador, who, meeting an officer of the Oriental Sovereign to whose Court he had just been accredited, remarked : “Certainly—with pleasure—was just thinking of having one myself. By the way, how largely murder enters into your system of government. I am told that not a single one of your kings has died in his bed during the last two hundred years!" “Nonsens replied the courtler, with patriotic warmth, “Four of them have dled in their beds during that period—though I have to admit that in each case the Royal sleeper was found with the mattress on top of him!"—Sporting Times. Wiitiam’s table manners were notoriously bad.—so bad that be was facetlously accused of spoiling the manners of a pet coon chained in the back yard. He gripped bis fork as though afraid it was going to get away from him, and he used it like a hay-fork. | Reproaches and entreaties wero In vain. His big sister's pleading, “Please, William, don't eat lke a pig.” made no impr. sion upon him, One day William and bis bosom fricad, 4 small neighbor, dined alone, and William wy heard to say in a tone of great satisfaction as y planted both elbows on the table, “Say, Harn, they’s nobody hero but us. Let’s eat like bop and enjoy ourselves.’ — Careline Lockhart, in July Lippincott s, He was a commercial traveler of the mon flashy type, and had just finished telling a stan. ling story to bis newly-made acquaintance in the railway carriage. > “That reminds me of one of Munchauser's yarns,” remarked the victim, for want of somethicg better to say. “Munchausen! Who ts he?” “Why don't you know about him? He is the most colossal example of mendacity that civilin. tion has produced.”” A brief, painful silence ensued, which was broken by the traveler, In a tone that was almox timid. Excuse me, my friend,” he sald, “If I see inquisitive, but would you mind telling me what house he travels for?”"—-Ezchange. THE OLD SUBURBAN FACES. I have had seatmates, I have had companions, In the crowded smoker, it the tardy milk trains; All, all are gone, the old suburban faces. I have been hustling, I have been hurrying, Bolting my breakfast food, gulping down my cof Rushing to meet the old suburban faces. I have stood, I have sat down on the coal-box, Reading my paper, grumbling like the others; Watching them scowl, the old suburban faces. Ghost-like I wander through the crowded coaches, Peering at tho strangers that are all about me; Seeking to find the old suburban faces. Friends and fellow-sufferers, where are ye all? Is this some other planet? Or am I dreaming? Where have they gone, the ola suburban faces? Ab, yes! I seo it all. I've missed the dummy And caught a through train, filled with rank out- siders! They're on ahead, the old suburban faces! —Chicago Tribune Live is for sale by all Newsdealers in Great Britain, The International News Company, Bream's Batlding, Chancery Lane, London, E. C., England, AGENTS, Established 1823, WILSON | Distinction. The perfect product of the still, Hunter WHISKEY. That’s All! 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