Life — July 9, 1903 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE NEWEST SUMMER GIRL. New York Tribune tells it, a man went to the we live in a breeze in a wind velocity of 19.4571 Moth-ball my raglan, mother, and put away my hat governor of one of the States and asked for the from the north-northeast?” With feathers all around It—-I'll have no need for Place of Janitor of the State house Capt. Mainbrace (forgetting bis grammar and that: The governor said he was sorry, but the place manners): “"E means in this ‘ere bloomin’ fre: My muff and furs, dear mother, pray put them on had been filled. The man remained in the city — breeze.” the shelf, for some time, waiting for a chance. Metallurgist (making rapid calculations) : “In For I am ready, mother, to innovate myself! One day, while he was wandering along the a breeze of 19.4571 the forestay will still stand ‘The gealle spring 1s; comtog: banks of the river, he noticed something floating pounds, the shrouds 1.45, the club topmast yard ‘And in a cbirpiug whirl down stream. To his horror, he found it was the can safely bear a wind pressure of 19.4635—that ‘The merry birds are calling body of a dead man, and on examination it proved fs, in untechnical language, the General Debi! The newest Summer Girl! to be that of the man who had been appointed to may or may not hold together in thls breeze. 1 the place he bad sought. He burried to the exec- recommend postponement.” Pray hustle out my straw hat, my belt and sbirt- utlve chamber and asked to see the governor. apt. Mainbrace: “What shall we signal tho waist suit, “Governor,” he gasped, “I have come to secure flagship, sir?” For summer ning, mother, and I must be a that place of janitor.” Managing Owner: “Let them wait until “beaut”! “But there is no vacancy.” have the figures for humidity and precipitati Dig up my last year's Trilbies and polish them “No vacancy! I just saw the Janitor taken Meteorologist: "The humidity Is 80.79+; or anew, out of the water. He has been drowned.” in other words, if we go out in this weather we And don’t forget my fan, dear, for it bas work “Yes, I know; but I have just appointed the risk a shrinkage of 1.765 inches in the to do. man who saw him fall in."—Youth’s Companion. the mainsail.” The seashore time 1s coming, When on the crowded beach I must be designated A seasonable peach! leach of Taran, ihe silffereace: delmeen: fhene and Managing Owner: ‘In the absence of the sall- ponies. bees maker and the syndicate I cannot take such a © "Why, hens, my son, are things that belong FSK—Dut what Is Mr. Logarithm fretting about>* to our neighbors: poultry is something a man owns Metallurgist: “A quarter of an inch of water Where m the wild waves, saying the things — imself."——Youkers Statesman, allo oo the lee scuppers; rapid electrolys! Fyust bereul Ge teecaee apenas, wate THE TEMPEST-TOSSED CUP RACER. Capt. Malinbrace: “The knockabouts and aust aoe See (On board the General Debility before a club dorles aro off, sir.” ‘ 6 you bave got race. The preliminary signal is set on the flag- Managing Owner (sternly): “This ts a cup ate panes $6 FOR. CERF: mother, {OF YOU NACI E Ts “iGhorusof able. seamen’: acer, Capt. Mainbrace. Keep all the electric fans must makecmy! lucky, tite-season! it'T ‘cani HON ual ANECE SRdTa BWine. beh going till she ts nicely dried out, and then h wow 2 *lorida So wake earl And a wind that follows fast,” ete. Cc down with cotton: wool’ snd Elorids While yet the shadows stalk, Managing Owner: “Mr. Mainbrace, won't you Quartermaster (enters, tugging bis forelock) : “Please, sir, the boys axes, as being as It's a stiff breeze and the little fellows out, if we may Capt. Mainbrace (to the sailors): “Ava try it under a storm trysail an’ a rag in the fore heaving, hearties, till the meteorologist gives rigging and themselves in their silk underwear and For time Is feet, dear mother, and I wax old apace; tbe word lite belts?” wake me early, mother, and don't neglect to set Dea VATE, AO SES a Managing Owner (perplexedly) : “What's that Your clock for, say four-thirty, lest you perchance _, Meteorologist, (humming “A: Lite onthe: Oce about lee scuppers, and Iife belts, and storm try forest Wave" as he makes rapid calculations upon bls faite? an anything impudent? statistical charts): "The wind is two points east Capi, Atalabraces: “Oh; that’s only. thelr-way; of north and by the average anemometer readings ip, They haven't the manners of sclentifie gen. forthe, last, Near A9Abe1.:, tlemen like yourself and the metallurgist and the Sailor (interrupting) sings: metecralanrét — Baltimore News “O, the wind is nor’-nor’-east, Managing Owner: “Signal to the press boat And the wind 1s piping free.” that the General Debility Syndicate Is resolved to A PENNSYLVANIA gentleman tells a story which Managing Owner: “Can't you keep them quiet, defend the cup in all winds Ngbter than a full- 1s a good satire on the type of office-seeker who Capt. Mainbrace? Call the metallurgist (who en- sail breeze.” cannot allow a man to be laid decently away in ters, executing a hornpipe step and singing “Gv Capt. Mainbrace (sadly): “Portuguese hurri- his grave before he is after his place. As the me a home on the sea”J. Mr, Logarithm, can cane preferred.”"—New York Evening Post. I must be up to practice shut those fellows up while we are getting the ptivating walk reports? et up on rules, dear, to start the season‘s That gentle spring is on us, And we must soon unfurl The banner that announces The newest Summer Girl! Lire ts for sale by all Newsdealers in Great Britain, Tbe International News Company, Bream's Bullding, Chancery Lane, London, E.C., Engiand, AGENTS. Established 1823. “It Suits Me” WHISKEY. Hunter Whiskey | Its perfection of quality is what 9 | struck the taste, appreciation That s All ! | and approbation of the Ameri- can people. THE WILSON DISTILLING co WM. LANAHAN & SOS, Halthnore, Md. Baltimore, Md. OLD CROW RYE stor WHISKEY soe ince 520" yore. San Francisco—Four Days from New York or Boston—By New York Central. comicbooks.com