Life, 1903-07-09 · page 12 of 20
Life — July 9, 1903 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This satirical piece mocks a "Capitalists' Convention" that proposed rewriting the 1789 Constitution to serve corporate interests. The preamble parodies the original, replacing "We the People" with "We, the Capitalists of the United States," explicitly stating goals like forming "trusts, insure monopoly, provide for no competition." The articles are absurdist satire—vesting all power in Congress (composed of lawyers in capitalists' employ), preventing presidential opposition, and making the Constitution unamendable. The heart-shaped illustration labeled "A Captain of Industry" shows a wealthy man in his counting house, captioned "The President of the Greatest Trust in the World"—identifying monopoly capitalists as the true rulers. The "Moonlight Effects" illustration shows figures gazing toward a moon, suggesting naive workers unaware of their exploitation.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
‘LIFE = The New Constitution of 1903. the Convention of Capitalists held this week in this city, it was unanimously decided that the old Constitution of 1789, under which we are struggling along, is obsolete, obstructive and ridiculous. The question then naturally arose how to so amend it as to conform more perfectly tothe modern necessity of one man's gathering the fruits of the labors of a million; but, after considerable discussion, the conclusion was reluctantly reached that no mere amend- ment, no matter how drastic, would suffice to eliminate all its objectionable features. A com- mittee was, therefore, appointed to draft a new Constitution, which should be up to date and recognize fully the changed conditions under which this country must be governed, and ina short time reported the following as their idea of what a Consti- tution should be: PREAMBLE, We, the Capitalists of the United States, in order to form more perfect mergers, establish trusts, insure monopoly, provide for no competition, promote our own welfare, and secure the blessings of high tariff to ourselves and our MooNLionT EPrects. corporation, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America. ARTICLE I. All legislative powers shall be vested in a Congress of the United States composed of the lawyers in our employ, and no member of which shall oppose our wishes, or have an opinion of his own, without losing his job. ARTICLE II, The executive power shall be vested in a President of the United States, who shall be elected by our directors, and do nothing against our will, under penalty of being sub- jected to the censure and abuse of the New York Sun, ARTICLE III. The judicial power of the United States shall be vested exclusively in us, or we'll know the reason why. An E Iv, There's no necessity for any. ARTICLE V. No amendments allowed. This Constitution suits us. ARTICLE VI. No debts against us are sacred at any time, whether of money, honor, faith or humanity, but all we hold against others shall be good and valid whenever and wherever we want to squeeze anybody. ARTICLE VII. This Constitution shall be considered adopted when “A CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY.” ‘ ratified by us. Alex. Ricketts. “THE PRESIDENT OP THE GREATEST TRUST IN TOE WORLD.” comicbooks.com