Life — July 2, 1903 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PLAINT OF THE PLUTOCRAT, have bought everything I can buy; have tried everything I can try; I have eaten each eatadle, Beaten each beatable; I bave eyed everything I can eye. have sold everything I can sell; have told everything I can tell; T have selzed all the seizable, Squeezed all the squeezable, Till they have shelled everything they can sbell. have ridden each thing I can ride; have hidden each thing I can hide; I have joked all the jokable, Soaked all the soakable; I have slid everywhere I could slide. © walked everywhere I could walk; ave talked everywhere I could talk; I have kissed all the kissable, Hissed all hissable; have balked everything I can balk. ve crushed every one I could crush; e hushed every one I could hush; I bave drunk every drinkable, Thought every thinkable; have rushed everywhere I could rush. I have been everything I can be, And the scheme of things will not agree; I have spent all that’s spendable— Still it’s not endable, And I mean it's a bother to me. —Chicago Tribune. WALL STREET DEFINITIONS Pessimism—when you think worse of my stocks than I do of yours. Capitalization—a branch of hydraulics. Haute Finance—something French, and pre- sumably immoral. Profits—a capitalized liability. Conversion—something which precedes instead of following repentance. Reorganization—a new way of not paying old debts.—New York Evening Post, AT a certain dinner table with General Miles the other night was a distinguished Washington surgeon who listened with a certain air of superior. ity to some of the soldier's reminiscences of various experiences during the Civil War. “And how do you feel, General,” he finally asked, with Just a touch of sarcasm, “after you've professionally killed a man?" “Ob,” replied General Miles, “I dares: don't mind doing that any more than you do. Philadelphia Press. 348326 A non MoT credited to James Rudolph Garfeld, the newly appolated Commissioner of Corporations, has of late been going the rounds of Washington. Mr. Garfield at a dinner party sat next to a Frenchwoman. This woman praised her own coun- try very highly. Particularly she praised French politeness. “The French,” she said, “are the politest people in the world, Mr. Garfield smiled. The other. a little piqued at bis smile, sald: “You Americans all admit, don’t you, the superior- ity of French politeness?” Mr. Garfield answered: “We do, madam. That is our politene: New York Tribune. “What's the price of your best tea?" asked the woman with the market basket. “Two dollars a pound,” replied the clerk. “Isn't that too steep?” asked the bargain- chase! Yes, ma‘am,” answered the youth. ‘That's what my folks buy tea for.""—Chicago Nets, Hark! In the dark watches of the night they could plainly hear fcotsteps in the kitchen. ‘Bur- glars!”” he exclaimed, hastily covering up bis head. “Oh, Henry!” sighed bis wife; “I wish T had your faculty for looking at the bright side of things! I'm sure it’s that Brown woman trying to entice my cook away.”—Kansas City Independent. containing every traveling convenience in Sterling Silver, and made of the most approved leathers, afford attractive and acceptable gifts for gentlemen. Those shown by The Gorham Co. are distin- guished by their superior finish and by the greatest care in the selection of materials. The GORHAM CO. Silversmiths and Goldsmiths Broadway & 19th Street, New York COPYRIONT FOR GREAT BRITAIN BY JAMES HENDERSON UNOER THE ACT OF 1891, comicbooks.com