Life — July 2, 1903 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

FOURTH OF JULY HYMN, ‘Ob, say, did you hear through the dawn’s early light ‘The shout of the kid and the crackers loud snapping And did you tn vain toss and hope that you might Sul gain the sweet Joy of a little more napping? Did you rip, did you tear, while the things burst in alr, And the kids ripped around as if crazy out there? Ob, say, did you long tn your anger to fy Prom the boy and the bomb and the Fourth of July? Oh, the dog runs and hides, and the bachelor sits Alone thinking things that can never be printed ; horses rear up and, unmindfal of bits, Ip things all to pleces with ardor uustinted. And from long before dawn the wild racket goes on, And the squits and the sureds are spread thick on e lawn, While the star-spangied banners triumpbantly fly O'er the land where things hum on the Fourth of July, E, Kiser, in Chicago- Record Herald. Booxrr T. Wasntn about his race, with which he illustrates the points he makes in bis address, seems inexhaustible. A Southerner asked bim recently, when about to ad- dress a Northern audience, to prove to it that the Northerners were responsible for the introduction of slavery into the American colontes. Mr. Wash- ington said that was a large contract, and told a story to illustrate his view: ‘An old colored man ad a pig, which he sold one morning to a white man for $3. The white man drove off with bis pur- chase, but on the road the pig escaped and found its way back to Uncle Zeke's cabin. A little later another white man came along, and Uncle Zeke so bim the same pig for another $3. On bis way home with the pig the second purchaser encoun tered the first returning in search of the escaped animal. After some wrangling they decided to go back and refer the question to the old darky ‘Uncle Zeke,’ said No, 1, ‘didn't you sell me this pig at 9 o'clock this morning?’ ‘Sho’ I did, massa.’ ‘But, Uncle Zeke. ‘didn't 1 Tox’s fund of storles pay you $3 for this pig at 12 o'clock?" ‘Sho’ you did, massa.’ ‘Well, then, who does the pig belong to?’ ‘Sakes alive,’ sald Uncle Zeke, ‘can't you white folks settle dat question between yo'selves. * —New York Trib “WHAT on earth ts to become of the Sparks family, I wonder “Why, what's the trouble with ‘em? “AML bit heavy by the new food craze. Went over the other morning and found ‘em at breakfast —grandmother eatin’ Blank's Food, Sparks’s wife tacklin’ Dobb's Cereal, and the children divided be- tween ten different brands. “And w “In the s ere was the old man? able, eatin’ a bale of hay."—Tit-Bits. Tur shocked personal O'Rell was booked to lecture im Hartman's Hall, in d Rapids, something like ten years ago. Carroll Hartman was having a serious time In inducing the people of the Valley City to see the merits of lecturers. There was a big sale for the O'Rell lecture, and Hartman wandered over to the Morton House in the afternoon to call on the French wit; also to pay him his fee of $100. “But I have not delivered the lecture yet. Sup- pose I should die before to-night,” said O’Rell, who could not understand why a manager should pay for something not yet delivered. “Ob, that's all right. I'd) exhibit, your “replied Hartman. The witty Freachman never recovered from the shock of Hartman's re- mark. At any rate, he refused to lecture in Grand Rapids again.—New York Tribune, Detroit Free Press tells of a joke that Max O'Rell, as it was too grim and too corpse, Snontty before bis death Thomas B. Reed was the center of a group at the Century Club, in New York. The talk got around to Roosevelt. “Y-a-a-s, 1 admire Roosevelt very much,’ drawied Mr. Reed; 1 very much, indeed. What I admire most about him fs his enthusiasm over bis discovery of the Ten Commandments.” —Argonaut. admire him OPPRESSIVE KNOWLEDGE. He was a man so passing wise That he could take a wildwood flower And classify and analyze And talk about it by the hour. He knew what muscles must contract To make the smile that cheers the eye. He could describe in phrase exact Just bow your breath will form a sigh. In twilight colors rich and fair Refraction’s part be would explain. A zephyr was a bit of alr Which might or might not promise I'd rather be a butterfly To perish with the early frost And roam the fields and love the sky, Than to be wise at such a cost —Washington Star. LANGUAGE WAS NOT NEEDED. “I don't see how the Count could propose to you when he can’t talk any English and you don't speak French." h, it was very easy. We were sitting in the parlor, Pointing up at an oll painting of papa, the Count took out a plece of paper and a pencil, Then he set down a dollar mark, and after it placed a figure 1. Looking at me out of his big, deep, eloquent, lovely eyes, he began making ciphers after the dollar mark and the figure 1. When he had made four ciphers, which, with the other figure, meant $10,000, he stopped. I nodded my head for him to go on. Then he made another cipher. That meant $100,000. I nodded my head again. He made another, which ralsed it to $1.- 000,000, I nodded for him to go abead. He put down another cipher, making it $10,000,000. Thea I smiled and took the pencil from him, and he caught me in his arms and—and ab, It was so lovely! It almost seems like a dream to think that in three weeks I shall be a real countess. Chicago Record-Herald. Live ts for sale by all Newsdealers in Great Britain, The International News pmpans, Bream’s Bo Jing, Chancery Lane, London, E.C., England, AGENTS. Established 1823. WILSON WHISKEY. That’s All! YHE WILSON DISTILLING CO, Baltimore, Md The Best Antiseptic BORINE NON-ACID. Preserves the teeth, Hardens the gums, Sweetens the breath. | ‘THE NAME IS EVERYTHING.” Esterbrook an absolute Its excellence ——— No. 1743 blunt pen; Try it. varieties of to suit Alcoholic Addictions ‘Treatment if Desired. Address, MAPLEWOOD NEAR CINCINNATI, OHIO. A Sanatorium established In 1873 forthe private care and mediral treatment of Drug and Thousands having falled elsewhere have been cured by us Home All have them. substitute. stationers Accept no ‘Werks, Camden, N.J. 26 John Streat, N.Y. Tux Dr. J. L. Srernexs Co., Dep. 77, Lamaxox, 0. =| FIRST-CLASS HOTELS AND CLUBS, ON WHEELS—rue tnroucn traws or THE NEW YORK CENTRAL. comicbooks.com